Worsening procrastination & Heavy fears for the future

[elystiaaaan]

I am in my second last year of high school however within my HSC period now - I'm in a compact curriculum schooling system - and the more work I get, the worse my procrastination is. Unfortunately this is a reoccurring issue for me as this has happened throughout the past few years. I am currently at the point where my workload is unbearable for all of my classes and I am finding it more difficult for me to not only complete the work, but let myself relax without feeling guilty.

In regards to my schoolwork, I can see that due to my procrastination it is negatively affecting my overall results, which is SUPER evident in my semester one report - my teachers can see I am failing heavily and I am embarrassed as is. They claim that I am a good student but I can't help but feel that they pity me, which ultimately makes me feel worse. However, in saying this, I just can't help doom-scrolling, knowing that I have incomplete/overdue tasks which also makes me feel significantly worse. This has also gotten to the point where unfortunately my own parent is worried for my future, but now I just can't help but not care at all and this worries me. The worst part is, is that I know I am smarter than this within both my actions and schoolwork, but I feel as if I am currently suffering a form of imposter syndrome - am I going insane?

Why does this worry me? Because I strive to get a job in a field that allows me to help other people, but how can I if I have no idea why I'm currently doing this to myself. I am also worried that due to my poor results within my report and the percentages of my subjects, I will not receive the ATAR that is required for me to apply to the Uni course I am wanting to by the time I finish year 12, further proving to myself that I am potentially not worthy of my supposed smarts, ultimately disappointing my parents.

Help me?

[_Bea_]

I am currently doing my second year of the compressed model of hsc so I understand the stress and pace that comes with it, I think the first year is stressful for everyone, especially those who are hoping to get a specific atar. I set my goals pretty high for the hsc and after one year I started looking at alternative pathways, I still have goals to get into a pretty competitive course, but knowing there are alternatives has helped me know that whatever happens I have options and its not the end of the world. 
My advice for you is to make a list of things to do for each subject, break the tasks into smaller, easier to handle tasks that are not as daunting (eg. main goal is to finish a whole maths exercise, 1. open maths textbook, 2.write heading/date in workbook, 3. read over the exercise, 4. write down the questions to answer, 5. answer questions 1-3, 6. mark questions 1-3....). Identify your goals and if it's helpful tell your teachers so they can help keep you accountable. I wrote summary notes for my previous subjects and my goals were to keep on top of them and answer a past question for each unit.

Falling behind is terrifying, I had to relearn the whole of module 6 and 8 for bio and many chapters of maths adv between trials and hsc. if you are already behind just try and stay on top of the work you get from now on, catch up on anything else later. Youtube, atar notes (free resources) and past papers will help you identify and catch up on what you have missed once you get to full time study before the exam.

Talk to your teachers, be honest with them and hopefully they are happy to help you. I was sick for two weeks in term one and missed a lot of important prelim content, I spoke to my teachers and told them that I hadn't caught up and I wasnt planning to (because of placement for another subject during the holidays I needed a break between prelim and hsc). They were super understanding (more than my parents) and agreed I needed to prioritise my mental health.

As for doomscrolling and feeling guilty, I use an app called screen zen, I can only open instagram/tiktok for 5 min a time which helps stop me from endlessly scrolling. you can use other apps like YPT that track your study and block apps, or I throw my phone under my bed so its a pain to find again. Set time dedicated to rest, I didnt do this last year and I got burnout after trials, and again after hsc. if you set time to rest, that time is to rest, not think about study, not reading a prescribed text, rest. I crochet, colour in, watch tv, or even sometimes just sit and listen to music. try and avoid scrolling, but if that helps you relax, do it in your rest time. 

I understand how stressful it is, and it feels super daunting but you will get through it! Be open with your parents and teachers about your progress, they definitely care about your learning but also your mental health. Good luck with all your studies, hopefully some of this helped! (I have an assessment due tonight so I havent edited this, I hope it makes sense)

[_Bea_]

Also just to add (I realised I forgot to mention this), your teachers know that you will go through ups and downs in your learning, they are there to support you no matter what, you can still be a good student and be getting 'bad grades', my grades slipped a lot during prelim and hsc, I went from consistently high to lower and lower (trials is rough). I felt like I let everyone down during my first year of hsc because I got a few 'bad grades' in my internal assessments, I was telling everyone I had these massive dreams and I felt like everyone had this expectation that I was going to do that, most of that pressure was from myself. Dont ever worry about how others perceive you, you can only do your best and even if your best doesnt feel like it, sometimes just showing up to class is the best you can do. Parents and teachers will put pressure on you sometimes but in my experience it's because they know you can take it, if its ever too much tell them.