I've never posted out spoke out so this my first. Honestly even typing this out is stressing me out and thought of other people hearing my thoughts makes me anxious and scared. But either ways it wasn't always this bad but the more I grew up the worse it has gotten. I've never messed up on a presentation before. When I was a kid I've even done public speaking in front of the whole school. And in high school years I also did presentations and I was fine even though I probably sounded like I was going to cry any second. But today I did my first presentation ever since high school and I messed up so bad I want to dig a hole and never come out. Like what do you mean I stopped talking in the middle and it was all "Ummm's" and mumbling and nervous laughing. THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. I felt like vomiting, I was sweating, my throat was dry, I wanted to cry, I let a few years out (afterwards like an idiot because noone needs to see that), my legs were weak and heavy, my hands were trembling. (Group work by the way I probably let everyone down they hate me. Just say that you hate me). And then I thought about how I seriously can't talk to people, I feel embarrassed, anxious, want to dig holes again. And then I thought about the future. How am I going to get a job if I can't present. How am I going to do my thesis if I can't present. How am I going to present my ideas when I get a job if I can't present. Should I quit? I want to quit. Change degrees into one that I don't have to talk to people. I wish I could just become a shut in at this point. I tried to block it out of my thoughts, I can't, it keeps coming back. So how do you cope?
