Will I be missed?

jazcat · ‎07-12-2014

This is really hard for me to write, as I am new here, and I've been judged and bullied all my life;
As you kinda already no, I've been bullied all my life, picked on, everything, I Don't no who i am, or why i am here, I feel like i have no use being here, and im a waste of space, i cry myself to sleep most nights, and i cant help to feel sad and always question my life, i push everyone away and id rather be by myself, I haven't ever talked about my feelings, i dont know who i can trust, so i have not been to any doctor, or anything, i can't help to feel depressed all the time, and i use to self harm, i just say i fell in sticks and stuff i know it sounds stupid, but it works , and i really dont know what to do, whether anyone will miss me or not, i just feel like life would be easier for everyone without me, even my family, i have arguments everyday.

I just feel, like im a waste, know one knows, i just act happy at school, or if i don't, im just '

tired'
I hardly can ever sleep, my thoughts get the better of me, and one day they will win. How do i get over this, i can't handle this anymore i dont know what to do.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Neil_1 · ‎08-12-2014

Dear jazcat

First of all, this is highly serious. Yes, we can respond to you via this forum and this kind of method (and WE WILL), but at the moment, I really would like you to either call the number at the top of this page (1300 22 4636) OR the Lifeline number (13 1114). Either of these two numbers will get you straight through to a qualified and experienced counsellor who will be able to help you. They’ll be even possibly able to answer some of your questions that you have.

But please please do this.

And now that you’ve come on Beyond Blue, there are so many people who read these posts on a daily basis – so you ask who would miss you – ANY one who comes to this site is part of the Beyond Blue community and you Jazcat are part of that now; so we would miss you. But you say there’d be hardly anyone else; if something tragic were to happen, your family would be devastated. Yes, you say you fight with them often – fighting and differences of opinion is one thing; but the tragic alternative outranks anything. School friends/acquaintances, teachers, other friends and family; the list goes on.

I can understand the trust issue – and in regard to doctors; on this site, Beyond Blue have provided a list of doctors; which can be searched for. Hopefully you’ll find one or more in your local area. The thing with these docs is that they are all qualified in dealing with mental health issues and as a result they would be best able to provide you with quality advice and support, with possible referrals if need be.

I would really like to hear back from you soon – but please please do call the above number.

Neil

geoff · ‎09-12-2014

dear Jazcat, yes I have to agree with Neil as this is a very disconcerting situation.

When someone is suffering from depression, just as you are, and have thoughts of wanting to end it, it then needs urgent attention, which may require 24/7 hour care.

We think that no one will miss us, but that's depression telling us that, because your family and friends will suffer greatly, and is most likely to set off a chain reaction of depression with them all, and if this does happen it would be devastating for all.

It's a day since you posted your comment so first of all can you let us know how you feel and if you have rung those phone numbers above.

I also implore you to contact your GP straight away, and I know that you will probably not feel like trying to find a doctor if you don't have one, but on those phone numbers they will direct you in the right direction.

Please contact us, because we are very concerned about you. Geoff.

CrashCoyote · ‎09-12-2014

Hi jazcat,

Thank you for your post. Like my friends Neil and Geoff, I am a dad. I am worried for you, too.

You are at school so I am guessing in your teens? I have a teenage daughter plus an adult one. We don't always see eye to eye but I have loved them from the moment I saw them and that has never changed. Believe me that there are many people that love you, even if you do not know it. There are many more again that care what happens to you, including Neil, Geoff and I. You can trust us, we only do this to try and support people that are struggling. We have all had dark days and want to show people like you that things can get better. The site is anonymous and we will never know your identity, or you ours.

Please take the advice to contact Lifeline and please see your G.P. I know it may be hard to believe, but many dad's and many health professionals are surprisingly understanding. We want to do whatever we can to help.

Kind regards, John.

CrashCoyote · ‎10-12-2014

Jazcat - I miss you! - CC