Hi.
i’m making this post because I don’t know what else to do.
I don’t know why, but I can’t take responsibility for my actions. I’m just really frustrated with myself. My family is so mad at me because I just can’t apologise when I do things wrong. I hate it because it ruins everything and I wish I could just flip a switch and change it but I just can’t and it makes me so angry. I’m just sick of being so toxic. I’m ruining everything because of it. My mum’s always angry and that makes my dad angry and then my sister gets angry and it’s all because I can’t take responsibility for my faults.
And it’s not that I think I have no faults. I KNOW I have faults. I dwell on the fact that I have faults. Like, I’m not not apologising because I think I’m always right. I never think I’m right. I know I’m wrong but I just can’t apologise.
It’s just that I’m always so snappy and that makes my family mad and then I just never apologise and it just makes such a toxic environment. I’m constantly on edge and even the littlest things can set me off and make me so angry and I just snap and then I don’t apologise and even as I type it I know it makes me sound terrible and I really feel it. It just always feels like there’s this pressure in my chest and I’m going to explode if I don’t let it out and that’s when I snap at people and I don’t mean to and I don’t want to but it just happens and I know I should apologise. Like, I know when I should apologise because I recognise the difference between right and wrong and all that but I just can’t apologise even though I know I’m wrong.
My family thinks I don’t apologise because I think I’m perfect and I’m always right, but that’s so wrong. I know I’m not perfect, like I really know. I think about my faults and imperfections all the time. I don’t know why I don’t apologise and I don’t why I’m always so irritable. It’s so frustrating.
I just want this to stop. I want to stop feeling like this and putting my family through hell. Please can anybody help? Sorry for the long post.
