Urgent Friendship Help

KitEmily · ‎14-06-2018

Hello,
Many name is Kit and I have always struggled with making friends. I lived in the UK originally and had lots of friends, moved to Australia and didn’t make as many friends. I had a few guys as friends but we grew apart. This continued through primary, secondary and collage.
I had a couple of friends in collage but recently one of them was bullying me and calling me names behind my back like “fluff for brains.”
So I stopped being her friend, and lost another who does everything she says.
I recently reconnected with a friend from collage and she seemed really nice and laid back, but when we want to organise something she always organises it at the last minute and it makes me anxious and stressed. I like to be super organised I have OCD along with Anxiety and I’m on the autism spectrum. I wanted to see her yesterday, and she got back super late. I had been on holiday and was super tired so I slept in, she got pissed off because she wanted to see me in the morning. And she blames me for being not flexible. I don’t think we are friends anymore as she’s sort of made it clear that it’s the last time she will bother to see me. But the thing is I’m the one who organises any of our catchups, the last couple of time I’ve let her we haven’t even seen each other! We’ve go to a party that I organised, the movies, a market all those sorts of things because I organised when and where. Either she doesn’t want to see me or something because whenever I ask her to organise it never happen. And she’s blaming me! She didn’t even ask me how my holiday was, I let my mum read our messages on Facebook and my mum said it felt like she was attaching me 😕
It’s the small things and I always make an effort and send smiley faces and all that but I don’t get much back.
What do you think about this?
I’m lucky I have a lovely boyfriend and family, but I struggle with people my own age especially girls. I feel as if I am not a conformist and my own person, and don’t always fit into the categories people like putting people in.

Thanks
Kit

Croix · ‎14-06-2018

Dear Kit~

I've read your other thread about uni and social anxiety and know friendships are an important thing for you. You sound like a sensitive person, and they can find it hard to distinguish between those who are firm friends and those that are merely acquaintances. You put a lot of yourself into those friendships but others do not put as much of themselves -it is very hurtful for a sensitive person. You make the effort, and they simply do not respond the same.

That girl who called you names is never a friend, neither is the one who broke off because you were late and attacked you on Facebook.

I think you make a good friend, you are organized, sensible and care. It is simply you have not met many who are the same. Actually if you get on well with your mum and have a boyfriend who cares about you then really you are ahead of the game. While true friendships are not that common I'm sure there will be more.

Croix

Guesy_839 · ‎25-06-2018

Hi Kit,

I agree with what Croix said, those girls aren't your friends. Friends don't attack each other like that. You sound like a good friend, so I don't think you're doing everything wrong. It can be hard to make friends, but they're always out there. You might just need to look in different places.

I've also struggled with girls my own age, and I have found it easier with boys. Girls can just be tricky at times.

Well wishes, Sierra

KitEmily · ‎26-06-2018

Thanks Croix & Sisiseirra

When my family and I moved to another country (now my home) I was popular in primary school for a while, and then those friends went off me and I had two friends who were very close, and always left me out, so I was alone. The same thing happened in high school, I hated high school and really struggled with fitting in and finding where I belonged. I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere

Collage I somehow lost all my high school friends and was alone. Second year of collage I ate my lunch a lot in the toilet and cried a lot as I felt so alone at school, I did so well in all my classes and was months ahead of the rest of the class. But I felt friendless.
Eventually I made friends with some girls and remained close with them through University, now I’m doing my undergrad studies and I am not close to these girls from collage. One was bullying me and the others follow the bully no matter what. No I’m alone again.

I am very close with my parents and fiancé but I wish I had other friends other than loved ones. I feel like if I try to make friends it’s one sided, that people don’t want me as a friend.

Is there a group I could be a part of to make friends, I have no clue how to meet like minded people ? Any suggestions would awesome thanks

-Kit

Guesy_839 · ‎28-06-2018

Hi Kit,

I've met some great people from social groups, and clubs over the years. Maybe you have a passion, and you might be able to look around and find a club or something. You might find people with similar interests.

Other than that, I'm not sure

Sierra

Croix · ‎28-06-2018

Dear Kit~

I think Sisisierra is on the right track, find what you are interested in and then see how that fits in with meeting or working with other people.

I don't think I've see what you interests are outside of study, though I'd guess Fine Art. There are so many things that are really engaging it is hard to even start to suggest things. Some naturally involve other people anyway, such as dramatic societies, Soroptimists, Gallery guides, others lend themselves more to distance contact, such as citizen science projects.

In my life I've often met pretty good people just by chance, this thing is though to give chance a helping hand.

Croix