Unsure

[ssmiddy]

Hey,

 So recently I was told I had clinical depression, this was after ending up in the ed department after a attempt at suicide.

My main worry at the moment is not so much the

thought of suicide or self harm ect but more my anxiety levels with the bf and the struggles with work. Ive recently become extremely worried that everything the boyfriend is a lie. More to do with women and drinking. While i have voiced these concerns with him i still dont feel any more at ease and i feel like im driving a wedge between us by forever asking questions that show i doubt him.

It has been a long road for us with him seeking attention from other women as i apprently didnt make him feel good and i think a lot of my doubt stems from that. He mostly did this when he was drinking (his in the army kind of hard not to drink) He is a very needy person emotionally and obviously been diagnosed with clinical depression doesnt help this situation as i cant give him the attention i used to be able to. Which makes me even more worried.

 i dont know how to deal with these emotions and find myself just distancing myself from him more and more to avoid getting

hurt again. While this isnt what i want i cant help but do it. His promised to stop drinking and told me he doesnt need other women to help fill the void but im just left wondering how long this is going to last and just find myself waiting for him to revert back to his old ways. His only said all this after the "incident" so i dont know if his just saying it because he thinks ill go off the rails or if he really means it.

 So unsure of everything right now! 

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636

 

[geoff]

dear Ssmiddy, welcome to the site and thanks for posting your comment, and it's good that we have had a few posts from younger people so that's terrific.

Here's an old dog telling someone who is young, so there has been a lot of water under the bridge between us, so to answer your question in a word it would be NO, he will go back to drinking alcohol and charming the girls, and remember his life is young, but there is so much water under the bridge to experience.

I am just concerned about your health and indeed safety.

 Can I ask you who diagnosed you, your doctor and whether they have advised you to see a psych, where you can get 10 free visits on a medicare plan.

Hope to hear back from you. Geoff. x

[Neil_1]

Hi there ssmiddy

And I too would like to welcome you to Beyond Blue and follow on from Geoff's post and advice above.

You obviously care about your bf quite a bit, but can I please say here:  that YOU are the most important person right now.  You've been through a harrowing experience, which caused you to end up in hospital.  THIS needs to be focussed on with the sole goal of getting yourself into a better healthier mental state.   I'm sorry to say this, but if your bf is big enough and tough enough to be in the army, then he's fine for the time being.

I do question though, was he there for you when you had the incident?

My other thing to raise about this is that I believe it won't take too much longer till he hooks into the drink again (possibly doing it now);  and with that, the socialising and the seeking attention in the arms of other women will follow.

Your post was largely concerned with your bf and his traits, etc.  Coming from an outsiders point of view, they'll continue to stay the same for a fair while;  it seems he's not at his point in life to be committed to one person.

You sound like such a wonderful and caring person;  and you should have someone who is willing to want to be with you and provide you with the support and love that you would provide the other person.  So distancing yourself from him is absolutely the way to go.  And as Geoff suggested, of course, he's going to tell you that there'll be none of his shenannigans anymore;  until next time.

I'm sorry if I've come across to strong on this;  but I can see you becoming more hurt down the track and you simply don't need this worry, hurt and concern in your life.

I would also think that if you could get along to a GP to have a chat, that may be of help to you also.

I do hope you  can post again.

Kind regards

Neil

[ssmiddy]

Sorry for the late reply.

 I was told when i was kept in the short stay department at the hospital, followed up with the gp and now seeing a psych.

Everything with that is going slowly and is stressful trying to adjust but ok.

The bf hasn't had a drink since that night, including new years and Australia didnt drink anything. His told his high arachy at work he wants to go on the drinking courses they offer through the army as well. So his actively trying to sort his stuff out that way. But obviously the temptation is always going to be there especially been in the army 😕 

 He wasn't actually in the same town as me when it happened but knew from the way i was talking and texting that some thing wasn't right and called the ambulance. 

 We have moved into different houses for  bit while he sorts his stuff out and i get more stable but has been completely understanding and has been there 100% for everything. Including days or nights when i can do nothing but cry and lash out or just not even move.

 Yet my anxiety about the other stuff is still massive, I've voiced all these concerns with him and he understands that I'm almost to the point of been obsessive about it. He doesn't hide anything from me (that i know of) and trys to sooth any worries i do have. Which at that time is ok but as soon as I'm by myself again im straight back to it. 

 I hate that im been like this, it's driving me insane..

Thank you for your replies

[Neil_1]

Hi there ssmiddy

Thank you for your latest response, and it seem that I’m definitely wrong with my assumptions with your bf – that he’s stopped his drinking, which is a massive and positive thing to do on his behalf.

Do you feel that the psych that you’re seeing is being of benefit to you?

It also sounds that your communication and relationship with your bf is pretty open and strong, which is fantastic to read.  Things like that do make for much better relationships;  plenty of open chat and no hiding of things.

But as previously mentioned, if your GP isn’t as you would like, then trying to source out a new one would still be a very good move.

Neil

[ssmiddy]

I was in  bit of  state when i wrote the first one so i can definitely see how you came to that conclusion haha

 It is definitely good that his stopped because minus the drinking we minus a couple of things that would make the situation worse.

I feel like shes good in the way of retraining my thinking when im going towards self-harm and other thoughts, like doing  a great full journal and practising been in the now, which is actually really hard for me not to think of previous things or future things.

 We do have great communication but its mainly through other forms other than talk, like text, fb, writing it down or email ect. I struggle to talk openly in front of him but

I' ve always had that issue. 

 I think i need ways to stop or slow down my actions when it comes to worrying about stuff with him. By been over obsessive i feel like i will eventually drive him away, even though i know his understanding. So hard to just step back and stop vs just keep stressing. 

 I end up to the point of wanting to

self harm at times from the thoughts related to the issue. 

Do you think bringing it up with the psych will help 😕 

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Neil_1]

Hi there ssmiddy

That sounds heaps positive for you with regard to your psyche, and the ways she’s giving you mechanisms for dealing with your thoughts and thoughts of self-harm;  which is super important.   I also think if you’re able to raise the issues you have with the potential for being ‘over obsessive’ with him to your psyche that would definitely be a very good thing to do – as I’m sure they’ll have answers/suggestions/advice for you in that regard.  And after all, that’s one of the reasons we see them;   for advice at times with these kinds of issues.

I’m also hearing you loud and clear where you say where it’s really hard for you to not think of previous things or future things;   although I’m moreso with previous things.  Someone once told me that you know if you dwell on things in the past, it’ll be very bad for your depression.  “Hey no shit lady”, I felt like saying back – that’s one of the reasons that I suffer from depression;  cause I’m unable (rarely) to let go of past things and leave them in the past.   So yeah, the more ‘positive and helpful’ advice we can receive on this side of things, the better things might be for us as we journey along.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Ssmiddy, Neil my friend has made a great point ' if you dwell on things in the past, it’ll be very bad for your depression', but we have to work out how to stop this, and hopefully your psych can teach you how to do this, although it's never easy now nor will it be in the future, but what it takes is a great deal of learning on how to do, and it can be done, just like having a bad dream and realising that it's not true. Geoff.