Feeling lost..

[EiEmEf12]

I wrote here back when I was 17 & struggling with what I thought would have faded away forever once I found my feet.
I'm 21 now. It's been a complete UP & DOWN roller coaster from that year till now. The last year & a half has by far been the most difficult year with my depression battle... So here goes:

In late 2013, I was working at a job I really loved but wasn't achieving what I wanted or needed to progress in my apprenticeship. There was some unfair treatment going on at that workplace almost everyday. The more days that passed where I didn't get given an opportunity to grow while others did the more I started to believe I wasn't very good enough.
While that was happening, things with my boyfriend weren't the best. We had a break for a few weeks & when my birthday came he surprised me with some gifts & a card. We ended up cuddling for quite a while, didn't think anything of it.
A few days after, he sent me a long message saying we needed to break up. I was absolutely devastated. I knew if that was the end of the relationship, I knew even if I wanted to, being friends just wasn't an option. This guy was my first love.

Anyway, a very long story short. Feb last year we started seeing each other again & last Oct a night after my birthday at my 21st birthday party, he asked me to be his girlfriend again. I've got my main supporter back & we're stronger than ever.
That aside. I ended up leaving that job last June. I was halfway through my 2nd year & wasn't being allowed to do things I should have already been in my 1st!!! 
Ever since, I have TROUBLE finding work. I did a short course in Oct & applied for a job, they fired me after a month saying I didn't have experience... Which I already told them I was new to that field... I've been unemployed since Nov & it's tearing me & my family apart. I'm desperate for work. I've tried everything!!! Even jobs I never wanted to try. I can't support my family nor myself. My father calls me names & refuses to buy food & goes to eat at his partners. 

My 'best friend' has barely been one. I'm there in a heart beat for her even though I'm without a license. She has a license & car, hasn't even visited or contacted to see how I am. Last time we caught up, I helped her through something. It's been 2 weeks & she hasn't even made an effort to see me.
Yet, she has been seeing her bf & 2 other friends? It's so painful..

No job. No money. Disloyal friends.. Everyday my thoughts get darker & I get buried deeper.. I need help..

[Blue85]

Hi there,

It certainly does sound like you are having a rough time at the moment. You mentioned having dealt with depressive episodes previously - I was wondering if you had seen a GP about it then or anytime since? My first suggestion in dealing with this would be to see a GP to discuss your requirements. They may refer you onto someone further (in many cases, Medicare covers or gives rebates to make this more affordable), or they may be able to assist in the first instance.

 Sometimes making that first step and getting help (whether medication or therapy based) can make the rest of the challenges in life more bearable. I think it is great that you have a supportive partner too - maybe try and have him involved with the rest of your health care too.

 Good luck, and don't forget that you can call BB anytime as well if you need someone else to talk to. 

[Neil_1]

Dear EiEmEf12 (as I'm a bit of a fan of Sherlock, I can't help but think that this is code for something - sorry, small diversion there, but an interesting name you've chosen;  I like it.)  🙂

Thank you for coming back and being able to share your post here;   and great to read that Blue85 has already been and provided you with a very helpful response back - I too would be suggesting the GP side of things, if you haven't already done so.  And to also see if your boyfriend would be available to go along as well;  as he may be able to pick up some tips for providing help and support to you along the way.

Work environments can be very difficult at times;   they CAN be very good as well;  but it certainly does us no favours if we're struggling mentally if the workplace is not a nice one, which sounds like you've had a couple of bad experiences with.

It does sound like you're very positive and motivated to try to secure work;  as you've had a job;   and then also found another one;  as well as aiming to try jobs that you feel you wouldn't really want to do.  That's a major achievement and positive you've got happening there - because that's where a lot of people seem to fall at that hurdle;  but you're aiming at just about anything to try and secure a job.  I really do congratulate you on that, and I hope that something does come your way very soon.

When you say you can't support your family;   you then mentioned your father (who doesn't seem to be anything like a father should be - with how you've described), but are there others who you need to try to help and support?  If so, it's also these sorts of things, that a professional, like a GP would hopefully be able to provide you with some advice on how or who you might go and see to get some assistance with this.

I am very pleased for you that you and your boyfriend are back together and I do hope that is going as good as you would like it too.

I really hope that you can post back again;  we would love to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[EiEmEf12]

Thank you Blue85.

Back when I first wrote on here when I was 17, my father got me started on seeing and speaking with someone at Head Space. It felt good expressing how I felt but unfortunately a lot of my emotions and problems were related to him and his partner. And because he and his partner refused to join a session, nothing was resolved and in the long term it never really got better.

As for the GP, I did go a few years back, I haven't gone back which I know I probably should. I would love more than anything to help myself feel better but I can't afford very much right now so it isn't an option if I have to spend money as I do pay for my own food and transport.

I'll go to the GP near my house soon, it's new and have heard it's really good and they are very helpful. I'll look into it ASAP but as I said I can't afford much so it'll be amazing to have some options where I don't have to spend anything. 

[EiEmEf12]

Hi Niel1,

What's a code for something? My username? My username is actually all the first letters of my first, second & last name.. Ei is E, Em is M and Ef is F. I have my clever moments.

I would consider therapy again, but I will need to look into it. I just had a unsuccessful experience last time. But I think it'll be good for me, and I know based on my boyfriends childhood and history he could definitely use therapy. I think one of the things why we are so close and hard to part is because we have shared A LOT of things we haven't with our own family so we have always quite been each others therapy... if that makes sense? So we're both lucky to have each other I think.

Thank you for that, I do try to keep myself busy by having a job. I find it really helps me keep my ground and find something else to focus on. I'm hoping I land something soon, it's getting seriously stressful not having an income (my own income). I know it'll make things a bit easier.

I do live with my father, and although he isn't very supportive, he does suffer from depression as well and has a fair bit of debt. He has surprisingly let me not pay any rent since I haven't worked so the least I can do it try help him too. It's just in my nature. Also, I have pets that I need to take care of as well as helping my father out and taking care of myself! And being a healthy eater, it isn't cheap providing the food for myself.

As for my boyfriend and I being back together, at first I was unsure but he is very sensitive on the inside and has a heart of gold, I know he means well even if he does occasionally let me down, but we're human, and really everything else we have outweighs the small rough patches we have. I'm very lucky. 

Kind regards, 

Emily



 

[Blue85]

Hi Emily,

If you see a GP for a Mental Health Care Plan referral, the session will be bulk billed. Following that, you then receive 10 sessions with a psychologist (6 to start with, and then you will require a second mental health care plan for the following 4). 

You can access these 10 sessions each year with a new health care plan from your GP. Each session with a GP for the mental health care plans are bulk billed as well, even if the GP doesn't normally bulk bill. 

Hopefully with Medicare covering you, you will be able to access the health care that you need.

 Good luck.