Twice unrequited love

[Liamj]

It all started when i was 16 i fell in love for the first time in my life. But the girl i liked thought of me as a weird person and didn't talk to me and ignored me and I am still wondering why did she do that. I tried to move on but couldn't move on i felt like i am a person not worthy of anybody. I slowly slipped into depression without me knowing what will happen. After some years , i still think of her, During my freshman year a girl fell for me and i had affections for her also. But i distanced myself from her so that she doesn't   hurt my feeling. For sometime i felt depression free and happy but during my sophomore years i couldn't control my affections for her and now she doesn't like me anymore and she doesn't talk to me anymore. Everything has repeated again but this time i don't have enough hope and will power to go this through even a bad grade in studies will put me off for 2-3 days. I'm 21 now suffering from depression not telling anybody about myself ,trying to avoid drugs/alcohol ,trying to get my girl to notice me ,trying to not to end myself .5 years of sadness is a long time can't handle this now but still moving without real hope only creating hope from my dreams and dying slowly everyday. I just wish that I am the only person who is going this and nobody ever suffer from this. 

[white knight]

Hi Liam

Have you heard about girls? "their first love is their only true love"?  Thats the saying anyway. As you know I'm 59yo and still think of that prettiest girl when I was 18yo and she 17yo. But I messed it up and she is gone forever. We never really move on permanently....memories haunt us. ITS NORMAL.

But when this happens I also think that it can be obsession. See there was another lady when I was 21yo. We went together for a full 6 years. Then we split and for 12 months I couldnt stop grieving for my loss. Then we met again by accident and chatted and the things about her , why we split, were then crystal clear like her indecision and patronising ways.

If your thoughts are normal then you are filling your headspace for no reason when you could be keeping yourself occupied with hobbies or sports or friends or tinkering or whatever takes your fancy.

Dont waste your life with unrealistic thoughts my friend

Tony WK