Travelling and struggling

[Isabella1803]

Hello, this is my first post in beyond blue. I am 22 years old and I left Australia last week to come overseas for 5 months, this is my first big trip overseas and definitely the biggest thing I have done in regards to leaving my comfort zone, which is a big thing for me. I have only been over here for one week and I am finding it so hard. I am travelling with two guys I am not all that comfortable with and we are just staying in hostels, there are plenty of nice people that I have met but I feel so far out of my comfort zone and so uncomfortable, I am just finding it so hard to even have a normal conversation with someone, I cant even manage that. I am so angry with myself that I am over here and all I want to do is go home to where I am most comfortable, the guys I am travelling with are not missing home at all and are just able to have fun and enjoy their time but I cant do that. I came over here with the hope that forcing myself out of my comfort zone would help me move forward and become more confident but its just not happening for me, I feel like I am going backwards and it's making me more and more depressed. I dont want to get up and do things during the day, I am most happy here when I am in bed and alone. I dont know how to break through this and start enjoying myself and at least be able to have conversations with people, I feel like I have bitten off way more than I can chew and now I really regret it.

[Neil_1]

Hi Isabella

Welcome to Beyond Blue (from Australia 🙂  and wow, good on you for reaching out to this medium to hopefully give you some support - I so hope that a number of us can help you out.

Wow, that is such a massive thing you've taken on - obviously suffering from mental illness prior to going overseas, so I can only bow and take my hat off to you (um, that's just a saying - I'm not actually wearing a hat as I type this), but yes, what an amazing effort you've made to take on this trip.

The other two fella's who you've made the journey with - are you all just 'mates' ??  And do they know of your mental battles that you suffer from?  If not, you know, seeing as your so far away from "home", it might be a beneficial thing to let them know.  Just a thought.

May I ask also whereabouts in the world that you currently are??  AND for how long is this trip planned for?

Are you any good with a camera??  Quite often when travelling, the old camera can come in very handy and you can snap away at different sites and things that you see.  What about a journal - don't worry about a book or something - why not write down in some document, how you're feeling?

When you made your decision to go overseas, you must have had thoughts/goals in your mind for why/what you were hoping to achieve on the trip?  Are you able to relate those to us?

Again Isabella, it is so awesome that you've posted here - and ain't technology grand - you're overseas and yet are able to reach out, just as though you were in the next suburb (and don't say, If only I was in the next suburb" - Isabella, this is a wonderful thing you've got happening and I so hope that between a few of us, we'll be able to help you and turn your thinking around.  That's the plan, don't you think?

Neil

[Mares73]

Hi Isabella I'm so glad like Neil said that you have found the best place to support, advise & care for you-here at Beyond Blue. It's a massive courageous thing you are doing-travelling for 5 months alone in places you don't know. That would be overwhelming for anyone let alone having depression as well. It's important to be gentle on yourself-youve only been there just over a week so with jetsam combined with not being familiar with your surroundings-it will take a little while to get used to it. Being on your own, finding your way around and living a completely different life to what your used to is a HUGE thing to do. It will take maybe a few weeks to adjust to the new lifestyle where you are moving around regularly & having to ask questions & meet & talk to new people. But Isabella you will get used to the changes & will have opportunities to meet many nice people & especially girls doing what you are-travelling & exploring & learning so much. I don't think it will take that long before you have a bunch of new friends & may even end up sharing a journey with them. You are at the perfect age to meet fellow traveller's & whilst you may feel shy & self conscious-take up any offers to do things with others who are a similar age. Say yes to offers to go out or to do things together. Even at the hostel in the communal are-travelling in conversation so or start ones with simple questions like where are you from or how long are you traveling for? Many people your age meet through just chatting. I know your probably feeling overwhelmed but remember your trip has only just started so things will feel very different when you get more awareness of your surroundings & people will just start chatting to you. It's totally normal that your finding it all a bit overwhelming but try remember people especially in hostels are often by themselves & want to meet others to share doing things. If your able & you see a woman your age on her own-try go & say hi & the conversation will just happen. Please keep in touch & remember we are always here willing to do all we can to offer support & send you a big hug. Hey also it might be worth checking on the Web if there's any support groups for depression where you are? Take care-its early days. Lve Mares xx

[Isabella1803]

Thank you guys for getting back to me. The two people I am travelling with are mates yes, I only knew one of them from home on a fairly new basis and the other one is a friend of his, they are great but I just dont feel completely comfortable with them. That is a good idea to tell them about my state of mind, I have been thinking about that quite a bit since I read your replies. Again though, I dont know that I feel comfortable enough to do that and what their response would be. 

I have been here for three weeks now and there have been times when I thought I was getting more into the swing of things, I am not feeling quite as anxious as I was two weeks ago but I still have this feeling of maybe this just isn't for me. All of the people that I am meeting are having the most amazing time of their lives and they never want to go home but I often find myself trying to comfort myself by saying there is only 4 and a bit months left. I am getting caught up in the argument with myself of, maybe I am just the type of person who enjoys the comforts of home too much and that is where I am most happy, but then on the other hand, that is what this trip was meant to be about, getting out of my comfort zone and finding myself a little more, but that just doesn't seem to be happening. I feel more self-conscious, more anxious and just as unhappy over here. It's really confusing to me.

My goal when I came over here was to get out of my comfort zone, try and have a better understanding of myself and find out what I like and what Im interested in, I do still have a long way to go but I definitely haven't reached anything close to what I was hoping for yet, as I said, I feel as though I am going backwards in a sense. I am so intimidated by all of the people doing this and finding it so easy to speak to people and have fun and enjoy themselves, no one seems to miss home or looks forward to going home, they are just enjoying themselves so much right now. I feel like when I am trying to meet people, I dont have anything to say to them or to contribute to the conversation because I am just so unsure of myself, so I ask the normal questions of where are you heading? How long have you been travelling for but that seems to be as far as I can take it. 

I have thought about maybe going off on my own for a while somewhere, I feel it could go really well or just continue on the way it has been. I feel that if I am on my own, I wont feel pressured to do anything, I can have time to myself and not have to worry about what my other two friends are doing and if theyre wondering why im not out socialising with them, I can go down and speak to people when I feel comfortable with it. And maybe it would be more of a growing experience for me if I am forced to do everything on my own, I wont have people who have travelled a lot before to sort out everything for me. 

I will also have a look to see if there are any support groups around where I am staying, we are moving pretty frequently though so it might be hard, but that might be another reason it would be good to travel on my own for a while.