I'm new to this, so really I do not know how it works. Im 17, trying to
cope with the pressures of OP subjects as well as many out of school
crap. My brother is 22 this year, and he was born with Asperger spectrum
disorder. I'm not completely sure wh...
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I'm new to this, so really I do not know how it works. Im 17, trying to
cope with the pressures of OP subjects as well as many out of school
crap. My brother is 22 this year, and he was born with Asperger spectrum
disorder. I'm not completely sure what it is, but he has episodes where
he will yell and scream, he threatens to hurt others and kill himself.
He will throw things, put holes in things, hurt people. We have had
police and ambulance around many times to take him to the mental section
of the hospital. I have had to witness horrific things in my childhood,
and so had my 14 year old brother. We have had to lock ourselves in a
room and listen to him pushing my parents around, the sound of
screaming, crying, banging, and crashing still haunt me. He has never
hurt me, I am the only one who can talk to him, but I am still
absolutely terrified of him. One day I had a little party at my mothers
while she was away. I went for a walk and when I came back, my brother
was there with a goon bag. He seemed fine, and I wanted to trust him
being there with us. I aloud him to drink with us. My friends all
eventually went home except two. It was just me, my two friends and my
brother. He was highly intoxicated at this stage, and so were we. He
began to become greatly agitated and stupid. I tried to get him out. He
grabbed mums keys and tried to drive out, I sat on the bonit to prevent
him, he still tried to drive with me sitting on the car. My mate pulled
me off and tried to take the keys off him. I ran down the street to cry
and breath. I remember turning around and my brother was threatening my
friend. I ran back and pushed them apart and screamed at him to leave.
My friend ran away and my brother followed. I was left worried about
what was going to happen to them both. I eventually found my friend and
just broke down on the ground hyper ventilating. We went home, i though
it was over. I sat on my lounge room floor crying "I can't do this any
more . Then my brother walked in, he told me he was sorry and that he
was going to kill himself. I said, you go I go. Until he told me he
wouldn't. Than he left. By this stage we were all a mess. My other
friend than decided to write us both suicide letters than run out of the
house. I ran outside and screamed at the top of my luyngs "JESSE, GO GET
JESS, SHE WANTS TO KILL HERSELF" we both bolted down the street and
around the block, i collapsed. Dropped to the ground, i couldn't breath.
I was done. I tried to scream for help but no one heard me. I got to
them and we all cried on the side of the road. Than the worst came, my
brother had the car, and i saw him going as fast as the car possibly
could towards a building, that was it, i jumped in front of the car. if
he was going I was coming with. My friend pulled me by the arm and i
fell in his lap, punching him screaming "Let me die, I just want to die,
I cant do this any more . Jesse called the police immediately My brother
stopped and came to us, i went belistic at him, I said get home now and
wait for me. I convinced him police were not coming. When they arrived I
simply said "I'm sorry". He ran out the back door down the street, i
screamed to police he went out the back, get him. I walked out the back
and fell on the road, Jesse told the police to get me to the hospital,
call an ambulance, she has been hyperventilating all night. They thought
I was fine. The police finally got him. That night all that went through
my mind was death, that's all I wanted. My friends screamed at me, and
shook me "Get out of this faze, stop bec, come back". They put me to
bed, and I woke up the next day the same. I told my parents everything,
they thought I was fine. I was depressed before this but after this
night, I was suicidal. I also have issues with mum. She has had numerous
relationships since she divorced my father when i was 4. Each one is
different, one had epilepsy, some were abusive to my brothers, one was a
pervert, an alcoholic, and others just regular men. I was over it. Her
latest is 22 years older than her. I went on holiday with him, my mum
and little brother. I had just found out my grandmother had parkinsons
disease. The whole holiday i argued with mum, over not wanting her
boyfriend to spend money on me, not to cause a scene in a 5 star
restaurant, and the final one was i wasn't going to finish dinner. This
argument caused her to go off, than her boyfriend did. He got right in
my face and screamed "your a selfish little bitch, stop treating your
mother like shit" I just replied with "Your not my f**king father". I
ran to my room and broke down on the phone to my dad. My mum aloud it
and agreed with him. I heard him bitching to her about me to my mum,
"she's a little princess" (sarcasticly). I grabbed my shoes and ran
away. I ran through a dark forest to the beach. Fell to the ground
screaming, i knew no one could hear me. She knew I was depressed yet she
aloud me to feel like that. I came back and didn't speak to any more
that night, the next day, or even for weeks. She than moved in with him.
She had only knew him for 3 months and once again he was priority number
1. My depression had become really bad and for months my treatment was
postponed. My dad has had to pay for school, doctors, and other
necessities. He is my hero. My brother stopped talking to me for 4
months, apparently i tried to get him sent to jail. My bestfriend
blocked me out of his life for no good reason. My other bestfriend found
her boyfriend more important, and I was fighting with my stepsister who
was one of my closest people. I was so alone, I couldn't talk to my dad,
or little brother because the advice wasn't helping. I sat in my room in
the dark every night and cried for a couple of weeks. My concentration
dropped, and is still really bad today. The stress of trying to pass
school with OP, and teachers breathing down my neck, makes everything
worse. I run out of classes crying. I can't deal with it any more I have
close friends I can talk to now, but with my mental thinking I don't
want to worry them or annoy them, so I keep everything to myself. I have
been on anti-depressants for a month, they aren't working. They make me
feel mentally awkward. I can't be around people. Im so behind at school
and I know I have 6 months left of school forever, but these will be the
hardest to go. Everyday I scare myself and everyone around me, I do not
want to be here any more I want it to be the future already, out of
school, my own career, away from everything bringing me down. I know
people may not read this, but my doctor thought it was a smart idea. It
may not help, but I want to know I'm not alone. If you spent the time,
to read this, thank you.
Eeep! When study is overwhelming! - Tips, ideas and coping strategies
