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I'm 18, and I was diagnosed with depression a few months ago, although I think it's been going on for much longer than that.
I finally started seeing a counsellor after I had a particularly bad few days, when all I could do was cry. I just hated myself, and I didn't know who to talk to. I've always been such a cheerful, bubbly person, and I feel like I kept up the facade even when I was feeling down, so my family and friends had no idea. I saw a psychiatrist after that, then I was diagnosed with depression.
I get really frustrated with myself, because I feel like my life is really good, so I have no right to be depressed when so many people have been through so much more than I have. My family and friends are wonderful, and I'm studying medicine like I've always wanted to. But some days I don't like anything about myself, and I just don't even want to exist.
I've told a few friends about it, and I really appreciate how they try to help, but sometimes I feel like they just don't understand. My family also know, but I feel like they don't really want to talk about it. It just feels really lonely sometimes. I'm really glad I found this website, it's nice to talk to people who know what it's like. Thanks for reading!
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Hi CassieEmily,
You've chosen a great career and it's something you've always wanted to do. That's a big part of keeping yourself well over a lifetime. What field of medicine do you want to work in?
Try not to beat yourself up about being depressed because others are 'more worthy' of feeling crap, depression is a thing that happens in the brain - in simplistic terms, not a lot different to a burst appendix, only at least that can be easily removed!
As someone who also experiences depression, I hear you with the frustration of having friends and family who care but dont 'get it' (or at least, you don't feel like they do because some days you're just mired in feeling like everything isn't working). I hope you're still seeing the counsellor; if you haven't already, set some goals around your therapy so it's not just 'a weekly cup of tea' type session and is concentrating on how to help you break the negative thought patterns you have already identified:
* dislike of self
* guilt about your feelings
* loneliness
Thanks for posting and welcome to the forums.
all the best
CB
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Online Community Manager
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Hi CassieEmily
I too am brand new to the forum. I have suffered from depression since age 17 and I'm now 29. I'll just be brief and say what Nes and CB(BB) have said is excellent advice in my option. Learn more about the illness (as much as you can infact) and maybe (if you ever find time) research CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It helped me a little and it may even help you to learn how to drop certain feelings you cant control or drop in your mind an issue that is bothering you and move right along to a better thought.
Lastly keep yourself surrounded with as many friends as you can for as long as you can - even if sometimes it feels nicer to be alone because others aren't understanding your moods. I know that sounds easier to say then to do but it is my advice for you 🙂
Harrysaunt 🙂
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Thanks so much for the replies! It's all great advice, I really appreciate it.
CB, at this stage I think I'd like to go into paediatrics. But I guess I've got a while before I really have to decide, so I could change my mind!
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dear Cassie, I am pleased that you have posted on here.
You know we always say that other people have had or still having an awful time, yes that's true, however we are not looking at these people it's you that we are trying to help, these other people we take on a one by one basis and not as a group.
No one ever knows why we have depression unless there's a loss of someone important to you, but we could be bumping along with no problems in the world, with plenty of friends and a great life, then all of a sudden it hits us, and we are consumed by this illness.
Most of the time we put on this brave fake face, but eventually we give up, because it's far too much to cope with, that's when we isolate ourselves and throw in the towel.
Your too young to have depression but age doesn't stop you or anyone else from getting it, but it's so disappointing that you seem to have your career planned and now this awful illness strikes you down.
It's just so hard to explain to friends and/or family on why we have it, as they always think that we are travelling along with all the joys in the world, how wrong they are, and normally they can't handle this illness so they go their own way, and leave us.
May I look beyond this for the moment, but once you have received your degree, then this period that you are going through will be an excellent experience when you start consulting patients, but that's down the track.
Now at the moment you need professional help, because as a doctor yourself you would be doing everything to help these people, and that's what you need to do yourself.
I hope that your depression doesn't change your mind about completing medical school, as you seem to be going to be a great doctor, just from the way you have written your post.
Please keep in touch with us. Geoff. x
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