I am in my final year of high school and there is an omnipresence of
depression in my life.Some things I believe to be causing this
depression are-The lack of people to talk to about my problems. I have
one friend who I actually like and would never ...
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I am in my final year of high school and there is an omnipresence of
depression in my life.Some things I believe to be causing this
depression are-The lack of people to talk to about my problems. I have
one friend who I actually like and would never talk to her about these
problems, not only would I not want to put the burden on her but it
would lead to an awkward conversation and she would probably tell the
school counsellor which would raise other issues because this would lead
to other social issues at my school. My family sucks and i haven't
spoken to any of them with sincerity since I can remember. In general I
dislike most people or have superficial relationships with people, this
means that I am unable to discuss my thoughts with anyone.- I have no
ambition. This is what the most influential teacher at my school told me
and perhaps it's true, however, by putting it into words it made it more
of a reality. Why should I care whether I get a perfect score or just a
pass, my life does not revolve around school, and I have lead myself to
believe that there are more important things in life than school and
that if we want to address them then we -as in society- have to place
more emphasis on them rather than on a degree. And I am not saying that
being educated is not important, because it is extremely important, but
I am saying that the education system is a business and everyone is
trying to exploit us usually for money and reputation. I am refusing to
put up with letting people decide for me what my virtues "should" be and
what society "thinks" I should become.-I lack emotion. Not really, I
think a lot of things are funny and am happy quite often, especially
when I am around other people, and I don't know if I am just putting on
a facade of false happiness to stop people from caring about me or if it
genuine, because when I believe a lie for a long period of time it
becomes difficult to distinguish between reality and lies. On the other
hand whenever I want to, need to or even should feel sad I can't instead
I just feel anger, confusion, and frustration. It's as if I have all of
this sadness inside of me which I push aside but then when it surfaces I
can't release it. It's like in the pitch drop experiment. I am waiting
for the drop to come and know it will come but don't know when. When it
does come I will have a relieving release of emotions but until then I
have them bottled inside of me and therefore constantly depressed.-lack
of empathy. I am unable to empathise with people that I know, and maybe
this is why I don't tell people things because when they tell me about
their insecurities and anxieties I truly don't care, and I try really
hard to pretend like I care but I don't. another problem is that I lack
the ability to cry when I am sad. I am sure that if I could cry I would
be able to release my bottled sadness. Sometimes when it gets really bad
I watch a really sad movie and for some reason I am able to cry for the
characters in the film, it feels really good to cry I wish I could do it
more often.-finally when people are kind to me I get really confused and
it makes me "sad" (as i defined earlier). maybe it's because my family
consists of only unloving people who are self centered and impossible to
have a conversation with. The only words we share are cold and
monosyllabic therefore when people are genuinely compassionate towards
me (this is rare because I usually block and avoid all kinds of
compassionate circumstances) I feel as if they are trying to make me
vulnerable so that they can then go on to attack my already weak self
esteem.I know I have some sort of problem, but haven't seen anyone about
it and am not planning on seeing anyone, I just wanted to share my
thoughts because my depression was coming to a low and I had read that
talking to people helps. Since I have no one to talk to I thought this
would be the next best option.
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