Hi everyone, I often have anxiety problems and frequent panic attacks
when it comes to pushing myself beyond my limits, and having Asperger's
Syndrome (a form of autism) doesn't make things any easier - like
stubbornness and the inability to socializ...
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Hi everyone, I often have anxiety problems and frequent panic attacks
when it comes to pushing myself beyond my limits, and having Asperger's
Syndrome (a form of autism) doesn't make things any easier - like
stubbornness and the inability to socialize with people, so this is
actually quite daunting to express my issues on here. Also to note I
never mention my autism to ANYONE, (that includes the university) for
fear of being treated as 'different' and that I'm doing everything, even
my own appearance, just to be classed as a normal person in society and
to actually interact with people. At the moment I'm currently in my
third study period in Bachelor of Visual Arts and Visual Culture via
Open Universities, 19 years old and in full time study (no work, but
relying on Commonwealth support for fees), and already it has
significantly impacted negatively both mentally and physically. Since my
mother died just recently, last year in February, I am struggling to
cope with my 65 year old dad (who ironically, also has Asperger's
Syndrome) and often have conflicts and he thinks he knows everything;
even though he doesn't know how other people think, so you get it how
frustrating it is when it comes to arguments. He always wants be to go
for the higher level of education to become a so called "Top Manager in
the Arts Department" (for goodness sake I just want to be a Graphic
Illustrator, nothing fancy or anything), yet having very limited
literacy skills and lack of people's skills makes it very unlikely to
reach for a higher career. I keep trying to tell him my career choice
and that it's not necessary to take a university course if it just makes
me more stress with the simple workload than actually learning anything,
and he simply doesn't listen. I've always love doing art and have been
doing it for years, yet it looks crap, but being in my university course
has made me quite uncertain in getting a career in art as whole. It
seems like the more I stay in this course, the more I start hating my
art and becoming less passionate about it (yet I keep doing it anyway).
As a hobby it's great, but as a job quite unlikely. I don't makes
friends, even with other students or other people, because I easily get
stressed with them; especially smarter people, which I considered them
intimidating. I had other people (normal) telling me the following: -
'shut up and get used to it' - 'you should be more involved with your
passion' - 'stop being a attention seeker' - 'if you can't cope with
this, there's something wrong with you and you' ll never cope in
society' - 'face it, if normal people can do it than you should have no
problem doing it' - 'it's so simple, why are you finding it difficult' -
'stop stressing just do it' - and the list goes on.. These quotes I find
it hard to register or understand, not that I'm too ignorant to
understand, I simply can't grasp the meaning and concept of these
responses. I do frequently ask the Student Counselors and my lecturers
at the university, they say exactly the same thing. My university course
itself I find it hard to understand the basics and I admit my time
management is quite poor, but I do my best to be engage with the
materials (which that engagement is slowly declining). Half the time I
don't understand what my lecturers and other students are saying because
of their use of complicated words - I call it "smart people talk" to be
simple. Even when I asked them to simplify what they're saying, they
think that I'm being ignorant and not understanding the topic - quite
insulting really. I know many of you think that as a young adult, I
should be able to handle these things by now. To tell you the truth, I
don't see myself as a young adult (more of a struggling shy teenager
level of intelligence) and plus lack of life experience does add to the
lack of my understanding of almost everything in society. I hope you all
understand what I'm going through.
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