Determination in study considered as 'normal' in society, to me I'm struggling to the core.

[Minxy]

Hi everyone,

I often have anxiety problems and frequent panic attacks when it comes to pushing myself beyond my limits, and having Asperger's Syndrome (a form of autism) doesn't make things any easier - like stubbornness and the inability to socialize with people, so this is actually quite daunting to express my issues on here. Also to note I never mention my autism to ANYONE, (that includes the university) for fear of being treated as 'different' and that I'm doing everything, even my own appearance, just to be classed as a normal person in society and to actually interact with people.

At the moment I'm currently in my third study period in Bachelor of Visual Arts and Visual Culture via Open Universities, 19 years old and in full time study (no work, but relying on Commonwealth support for fees), and already it has significantly impacted negatively both mentally and physically.

Since my mother died just recently, last year in February, I am struggling to cope with my 65 year old dad (who ironically, also has Asperger's Syndrome) and often have conflicts and he thinks he knows everything; even though he doesn't know how other people think, so you get it how frustrating it is when it comes to arguments.

He always wants be to go for the higher level of education to become a so called "Top Manager in the Arts Department" (for goodness sake I just want to be a Graphic Illustrator, nothing fancy or anything), yet having very limited literacy skills and lack of people's skills makes it very unlikely to reach for a higher career. I keep trying to tell him my career choice and that it's not necessary to take a university course if it just makes me more stress with the simple workload than actually learning anything, and he simply doesn't listen.

I've always love doing art and have been doing it for years, yet it looks crap, but being in my university course has made me quite uncertain in getting a career in art as whole. It seems like the more I stay in this course, the more I start hating my art and becoming less passionate about it (yet I keep  doing it anyway). As a hobby it's great, but as a job quite unlikely.
I don't makes friends, even with other students or other people, because I easily get stressed with them; especially smarter people, which I considered them intimidating. I had other people (normal) telling me the following:

- 'shut up and get used to it'
- 'you should be more involved with your passion'
- 'stop being a attention seeker'
- 'if you can't cope with this, there's something wrong with you and you' ll never cope in society'
- 'face it, if normal people can do it than you should have no problem doing it'
- 'it's so simple, why are you finding it difficult'
- 'stop stressing just do it'
- and the list goes on..

These quotes I find it hard to register or understand, not that I'm too ignorant to understand, I simply can't grasp the meaning and concept of these responses. I do frequently ask the Student Counselors and my lecturers at the university, they say exactly the same thing.

My university course itself I find it hard to understand the basics and I admit my time management is quite poor, but I do my best to be engage with the materials (which that engagement is slowly declining). Half the time I don't understand what my lecturers and other students are saying because of their use of complicated words - I call it "smart people talk" to be simple. Even when I asked them to simplify what they're saying, they think that I'm being ignorant and not understanding the topic - quite insulting really.

I know many of you think that as a young adult, I should be able to handle these things by now. To tell you the truth, I don't see myself as a young adult (more of a struggling shy teenager level of intelligence) and plus lack of life experience does add to the lack of my understanding of almost everything in society.

I hope you all understand what I'm going through.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Minxy,

You're not just a young adult you're a Carer.  A 65 yr old father can be as demanding as two year old twins.   You must be sick of the pushing and expectation.  My own English dad wanted me to be a dentist and live in a white community surrounded by high walls so that no foreigner could tarnish my good name.  I ended up a jazz/latin composer with a big band and married a Portuguese/Indian woman who was..........black !!!!!!!!!!!!  You gotta follow you own life Minxy.  Be you, Aspergers and all (I am bipolar and borderline Aspergers).

I don't think it matters if you are not happy with your course or have very critical appraisals of your own work.  What's important is to finish.   No one will even ask you what your degree is in in 5 or 10 years time.  It's a standard, that's it.

You worst day to day run in is pretty much with "smart people talk" and some negative in the form of "stop being an attention seeker" type comments (which is funny as the person telling you such a thing is, indeed and without a doubt, the person seeking attention) have to wash off you in the shower.  The person telling you to "shut up" is probably the person that really should shut up.  Touchdown ! And so on.   You are reacting to the emotional level and getting bullied so you probably have two options:

(1)   Ignore the comments (or throw a full Slushie at them Glee style)

(2)   Time them (Uh ?)  Be boring (Uh ?)   Predict it (Uh ?)   Come on David that's three "Uh's" please explain yourself.........So you get the "face it, if normal people blah blah blah then you should have no problem doing it".   Say something like "Mmm.  2 mins 14 seconds.   You normally come out with an abusive comment past the 3 min mark - way to go (insert name, i.e. Dwayne)".

Your mum's death is probably being used agaisnt you - putting more demands on your career goals to "make mum proud".  But, really, most mums would be proud anyway.  Even if you failed your course.   Even if you went around all day looking like Edward Munsche's famous painting "Scream".  Even if you married an octopus.  Even if you ate a bar of laxative at the movies by mistake because you were nervous about your first date with a nice boy that only said "shut up" when he wanted to kiss you in the back row during the commercials.   Which is a bad move as you can only access the toilets from the front of the stalls.  Lol.

19 is young but so what ?  What's it gonna be like when you're 29 and you're dad is 75 and more cranky ?  Maybe you should make a friend of yourself first and others may follow.  Worked for the guys on The Big Band Theory.   You think your dad is bad ?  What about Howards mum ?  His slightly masculine shouting mum has yet to be seen and is always imposing her demands on her talented son. Sometimes we marry people that closely resemble our parents - you might be going through a bit of self preservation at the moment and avoiding that nightmare by remaining a bit insular.  Doesn't mean you can't hone your observation skills and enjoy the many downfalls of college romance.  Trust your creativity - Aspergers isn't all structure and lack of common sense.  It also has out there spontaneity and charisma.

Apologies for the long post - some parents are never able to let go.  Especially if there is a loss of parent.  But it's not his life.  Save some laxative for him.   I'm a day of 3 kids around your age and I'm noticing that their own happyness is worth more than anything else.   They're really happy not to wash up too !

Adios, David.