Hi Brooked
I'm sorry to read you're struggling with depression.
I am in a similar position as you. I am 47 yrs old and I remembered only 3 yrs ago that i was sexually abused as a 9-12 yr old. I was abused by my neighbour, uncle and brother. I hate them all. I told my parents and they have abandoned me from the day i told them. It's almost three yrs now and i feel so alone without them. To not have them hug me or support me is devastating. BUT I have a husband and 3 beautiful children who are supporting me and keeping me grounded. Each time I think of self harming or suicide I think of my kids - i couldn't do it to them. I, too have blamed myself so many times for "breaking up" my family. But i know now that it's not my fault for the abuse, i was only a child. I'm now suffering depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress and borderline personality disorder.
Are you having counselling? I am seeing a pyschotherapist for the past 3 yrs and find that I am very slowly getting there. Although at times I feel like giving up.
I understand how suicide can devastate a family - my niece 23yrs old committed suicide 3 weeks ago and it has devastated my own family and I'm sure it's affected my parents and her parents.
I wish you all the best, take care and keep in touch here on BB.
Jo
