Young people

feeling lost

replies: 2

Hi, I dont normally write posts, but I am at a point where I feel like I need to talk to someone. I am in my twenties, but in my early teens I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety. It was an awful time, with plenty of work with a psychologist who didnt... View more

Hi, I dont normally write posts, but I am at a point where I feel like I need to talk to someone. I am in my twenties, but in my early teens I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety. It was an awful time, with plenty of work with a psychologist who didnt do much for me, so I felt like I overcame the ocd on my own over a couple of years. I have always been a perfectionist, highly critical, and extremely stressed. I dont actually remember the last time I felt truly relaxed. That cant be good or normal. I dont have compulsions much anymore, however, anxiety and stress is still a problem for me, and I try to keep it hidden, but its hard. That period in my life is never talked about with my family, its never mentioned. For the past year/ year and half I have felt a deep change in me. I am always sluggish, everything seems like a chore, I get anxious in public situations and feel as though I am always being watched or criticised. I am down, and upset, and cry a lot, which I try to hide. I am moody with my family and I feel bad for that, but I cant help it. I feel like I have a rock in my head, and I am trying to fight against my brain and turn all the bad thoughts off. I have been studying since I completed high school and I have struggled with what I want to do as a career, even though I have worked so hard for top marks. After one industry not turning out to be what I thought it would be, after that disappointment, I got into a one year education course. I thought my love for the subject would make me a good teacher, with good hours and leave. But throughout the course last year I started having doubts, and I was too scared to tell my parents. I still am. I feel bad because I need to work and earn money, and I just got a job at a school for the rest of the year. But I am so down and anxious about every thought of this job and life in general. I dont know why. The thought of being a teacher now scares me; there are too many people to deal with, too many things to juggle, and too many people to be accountable to. I dont know what to do. Im so lost, I even feel numb. The thought of telling this to my family makes me even more upset as I dont think they will understand. I think I should see someone, but my previous experiences with psychologists has turned me off. I feel like I need help, time to stop and think about what I actually want in life, and time to try and be happy again. I tried to tell my mum the other day how I was feeling, I told her that I am always down, and she said I cant help you, go speak to someone. Almost like she didnt want to hear. I dont want to disappoint anyone, but I just dont think they understand. I dont know if I am depressed, or just anxious, with a combination of stress. Any help or words of guidance would be appreciated greatly. I just needed to tell someone. So thanks for hearing me.

It is all too much

replies: 3

I don't know from where to start. I feel that I hate who I am, I hate how my life is at the moment and I hate that I don't do anything to change all that. I've been overweight basically all my life and recently I managed to lose 20kg and I started fe... View more

I don't know from where to start. I feel that I hate who I am, I hate how my life is at the moment and I hate that I don't do anything to change all that. I've been overweight basically all my life and recently I managed to lose 20kg and I started feeling good about myself and being positive about the future. However, since I went back to uni after a gap year all the negative thoughts and feelings came back. I have no self belief that I can make it. I feel I'm not good enough and I'm not going to fulfil my goals. I doubt myself with everything I do. I tend to compare myself with others and wanting to be more like them and wondering why am I not like that? As a consequence of that I started my old eating habits and that makes feel even worse as I put some weight on and I dislike myself even more. I just wish I wasn't like that. I wish I was stronger and find ways to overcome all these and find a way to be happy.

Anxiety from father and sneaky stepmother

replies: 16

Hey guys so its my first time on this site and I'm hoping to God someone can help me. So my dad remarried about 8 years ago to a lady he met overseas. In the beginning she was very nice, I never even noticed her around. But in the past year or so, I ... View more

Hey guys so its my first time on this site and I'm hoping to God someone can help me. So my dad remarried about 8 years ago to a lady he met overseas. In the beginning she was very nice, I never even noticed her around. But in the past year or so, I am starting to Hate her. Hate. She gives me anxiety because she is a two faced conniving person. She acts like so sweet infront of guests and calls me sweetheart and her daughter but when we're alone she is a rude hateful person. If she knows I am home one day, she makes SO much noise slamming doors banging pots and pans around talking at the top of her lungs to her family overseas. She is very inconsiderate. When i try talking to her she won't respond or responds very cold and with an attitude. she is soooo fake!!!! my dad and I don't talk at all, just a hi and bye and when he's around she is exactly the same. It's as if she is scared to talk to me? Neither of them communicate with me. I am a prisoner in this house. I am trying so hard to study my final year at uni and I feel so alone. I can't do my work. They don't ask how I am, and she is always ignoring me when my dad is around. My brother told me when I'm not home she goes in my room because he hears my wardrobe doors sliding open and shut. When I'm at home alone with her, I don't step out of my room. I starve myself so I don't have to go out into the living room and see her face there. I hate her for making me feel like a stranger. I hate her for taking my place in the house. I hate her for being a sneaky two faced human. My dad is no better. They lock their bedroom door when they go out, when I'm at home. They hide food from us? They get angry if we try to eat when they're not eating. My Dad won't give me a key to the house. I have nowhere else to go and I'm slowly dying inside. I don't know what to do anymore, I can't handle being treated this way. And that's not even a quarter of it but I don't want to bore anyone. If anyone out there can give me any sort of advice on what to do in regards to them I would be ever so thankful and grateful. Thankyou for taking the time out to read this and sorry for rambling on. Xo

Everything I usually enjoy just seems difficult and pointless

replies: 1

Hello everyone. Today isnt the best for me. I am feeling very depressed, nothing seems to be going very well. Its just very hard to look on the bright side today. Everything I usually enjoy just seems difficult and pointless. I dont think there is re... View more

Hello everyone. Today isnt the best for me. I am feeling very depressed, nothing seems to be going very well. Its just very hard to look on the bright side today. Everything I usually enjoy just seems difficult and pointless. I dont think there is really a reason for it which puzzles me

Please Help

replies: 7

I'm feeling really down and horrible today and I don't know what to do. I live with my ex boyfriend, because I was kicked out of home, and I don't have anywhere to go. We were together until last week, where my depression, anxiety and anger got the b... View more

I'm feeling really down and horrible today and I don't know what to do. I live with my ex boyfriend, because I was kicked out of home, and I don't have anywhere to go. We were together until last week, where my depression, anxiety and anger got the best of me and I was taking everything all out on him, and we basically broke up. I miss him so much, I miss what we had but he seems to see the more negative times we had together than the positive times. I just, want everything to go back to the way we were. I love him so much and it hurts so much to imagine my life without him. I just, I feel like packing all my things up and leaving, having no contact with anyone again. He's family is in his head about us dating, they think im crazy and he has a very close bond with them so whatever they say he will do. Hes just being really 2 faced about everything I just I need help today

Get Better & Stay Better!?

replies: 1

Hi Everyone,My name is Steph, and I'm 21, 22 in April and I just want to give you all run down of my past to the present.In 2005 my mum was diagnosed with Stage 4 Advanced Breast Cancer, she survived and fought like crazy, but sadly she passed away F... View more

Hi Everyone,My name is Steph, and I'm 21, 22 in April and I just want to give you all run down of my past to the present.In 2005 my mum was diagnosed with Stage 4 Advanced Breast Cancer, she survived and fought like crazy, but sadly she passed away February 1st 2013.My Grandpa was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer and he passed away June 31st, 2012.In October 2013, my dad physically abused me, and so did his girlfriend, which resulted in me being kicked out of home, becoming homeless for 2 weeks, living with my boyfriend of 1 month, and his mum, and then court dates and restraining orders My boyfriend bought a house and we both moved in together (we were together for 2 months when we bought the house)I have a lot of melt downs and break downs whatever you want to call it. I miss my mum like crazy, and I have no contact with my family what so ever and it kills me, especially knowing my dad moved on so quickly (2 months after mum passed away, they were married for 24 years!!!!!!)I get quite angry and I take my anger out of my boyfriend, who certianly does not deserve it.Friday (28th Feb) was my worst day. I had a huge meltdown, where I was threatning to kill myself, resulting in calling the CAT team.I just want to know, what can I do to stay better I'm on anti depressants, but not feeling they are helping me too much, I am being reviewed on them later this week, I am also seeing my psychologist once a week.My boyfriend is my world, and I want to be with him for a long time, for the rest of my life to be honest, but he can't deal with my mood swings all the time, and my anger and suicidal thoughts, I feel like someone else takes over my body and I'm just standing on the sidelines watching myself break down and go off..Just looking for some suggestions to help me get better and stay better?Thanks Steph

what do I do

replies: 1

I feel pretty silly posting on here because i read so many other feeds and it seems like people have real problems to deal with and there's me, I'm 21 and would say fairly well off I have a job, friends and play sport weekly. I guess I would never di... View more

I feel pretty silly posting on here because i read so many other feeds and it seems like people have real problems to deal with and there's me, I'm 21 and would say fairly well off I have a job, friends and play sport weekly. I guess I would never diagnose myself with anything but for as long as I can remember now its been a struggle to keep myself from giving up completely, I mean I've tried and ended up in hospital and I feel like everyday is pushing me closer to that day again. I just don't know what to do considering I feel like I have no problems in life

Just another sob story.

replies: 1

I'm 22. I don't really know why I'm here, pouring words out on a web page nobody will read, but I am anyway. Ever since I was a kid I've been a hermit. I never did what normal kids did. Didn't like sports. Didn't like meeting new people. I didn't lik... View more

I'm 22. I don't really know why I'm here, pouring words out on a web page nobody will read, but I am anyway. Ever since I was a kid I've been a hermit. I never did what normal kids did. Didn't like sports. Didn't like meeting new people. I didn't like my own family. Daddy didn't abuse me. My family only ever wanted the best for me I guess but they didn't have the money or knowledge to help. I've always had a heart attack at the mere thought of meeting new people. I would rather eat a bar of soap than have a social conversation with a stranger so nowadays I just avoid it altogether - one of my old boyhood friends convinced me to come out to a pub a few months ago and I went reluctantly. I just sat in the corner with my phone until he got tired of drinking and took me home. I remember a stranger saying "Look at that guy...he looks like he's ready to go postal." Yeah. That's me alright. I kind of expect people not to like me so I don't make an effort in case I bother them or make things awkward. I don't want to bother anyone about anything so I never complain, never whine about anything and I don't understand why other people do. It further alienates me from everyone else (especially those I work with), and I can see why. I started training for a new job about six months ago after two years of unemployment and I can tell everyone I work with hates me. You can see it on their faces. My sadness is written all over my face wherever I go. It brings down everyone I am near. They go quiet and whistle because I don't talk unless I have to and try to have painful, tedious small talk with me about the weather and such things. It makes my head hurt when people do that. Why not just shut up if you have nothing useful to say? I put on a smile because I don't want them to feel embarrassed and talk and make eye contact when needed. I can still see they pity me. Have you ever seen that? When someone pities you? The blank look out of the corner of their eye. I see it all the time. I try not to bother anyone, but somehow someone always feels like stepping on my feelings and because I'm a guy I'm supposed to suck it up, but I don't. Nobody thinks twice about the things they say to me because, on the outside, it looks like I just take it in my stride. Every little criticism hurts. It hurts internally, and I can't stop thinking about it. I had a particularly bad day today where I worked alongside an "experienced" staff member who made me feel utterly worthless and completely incompetent, embarrassed me in front of my boss, and just pushed all my buttons. I felt very down afterwards, I really did. If I lose this job I will return to a downward spiral of unemployment and dependency and then I will be truly in trouble.That's just life I guess. I look around and don't know how other people do it. All the people I went to school with? They have amazing careers, beautiful partners, children, everyone knows their name, they go to university, they juggle great jobs and some brilliant education at a great university, they are smiling and happy in photos. Me? I live with my parents and I can't even finish a diploma. I went into the military but dropped out and told my family I was medically discharged to hide the shame. My sadness is a black hole in my chest that is with me every waking minute, and my head droops from long years of being held low. Today more than ever I have wanted to take action. I looked myself in the mirror and said "Nobody will miss you," and that is true, at least after the shock is gone, those who knew me will carry on regardless as if I was never even here. We're all specks of stardust in an infinite cosmos. The world will keep turning if I am not here tomorrow, so what's the point? Had a girlfriend once. She left me. Had a long-distance relationship not so long ago. She took my money, abused me, bullied me, used me, left me. Every day I find less and less to live for. I remember ever since I was a child I have experienced ridicule, bullying, cynicism, apathy, cruelty, and inhumanity. I remember being bullied in primary school while a teacher looked on from across from the room, pretending not to see what she saw, and it has stayed with me 10 years later. And that's that. Just another sob story to make you feel bad. Not sure what I'm looking for here, if anything.Sorry if I spoiled your day.

How to Overcome Depression?

replies: 1

How do I overcome Depression? Is there a cure? Will It ever go away? Will I have to take Anti-Depressants for the rest of my life?

Rollercoaster of ups and downs...

replies: 5

Hi All, I am a new member to these forums and thought I would write my story as I am at the point of not knowing where to turn… I am 23 years old and have suffered anxiety and depression since the age of 14. I can’t say I have experienced much trauma... View more

Hi All, I am a new member to these forums and thought I would write my story as I am at the point of not knowing where to turn… I am 23 years old and have suffered anxiety and depression since the age of 14. I can’t say I have experienced much trauma throughout my life; being brought up within a loving and supportive family, having a close group of friends, living a generally normal life. I find it extremely hard to speak to others about my condition due to this reason as I don’t have much reason to be depressed. I come across as a confident, bubbly and caring person. I will admit throughout my high school years I did participate in a lot of partying and took associated substances during this time. I have also been a heavy cannabis smoker for around 5 years. I am naturally an extremely driven person, with perfectionism characteristics which has helped me succeed in my career being a Property Manager, winning awards and gaining a reputation within the community of providing a great service to all of my clients. I was working for a small property management company with just 2 employees, being myself and my boss, working from her home based office. She was amazingly supportive to whom I considered a close friend, even becoming part of their family. She received tragic news that her 3 year old son had been diagnosed with cancer which resulted in me having to look after the business by myself whilst she attended hospital constantly. I guess looking back this did affect me quite a bit due to the stress and emotion however at the time I ran on adrenaline as my main focus was to help her and the company. During this time; I had decided to wean myself off my antidepressant; as I felt I was a lot better and ready to face life without medication. For a few months after; I felt fantastic, finally feeling comfortable in my own skin and genuinely happy within myself. We then received fantastic news that my boss’s son was officially in remission and that he would be ok. Things were great in my life. Until things took an unexpected turn… I started to find even the smallest tasks were stressing me out, I was unable to cope with client interaction and took a lot of things to heart. This resulted into getting major panic attacks, feeling like I couldn’t breath and constantly falling apart in tears over nothing. With my boss recognising this; she recommended that I take a week off just to relax and not think about work. After returning back to work after my break, things did not improve. In fact they became even worse. My negative thoughts started to take over; my normal happy persona was diminishing; I started to feel anxious in social situations and just felt constantly empty. I then decided to seek help from a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with major depression with agitation as well as panic disorder and advised that I need to recommence on another type of antidepressant immediately as well as an anti-psychotic medication. He stated that I was “unfit for work” as the side effects would be full on and I needed to be monitored. He also advised I needed to quit cannabis immediately as this would stop the medication from working properly. I was absolutely devastated by the news, being someone who was so used to being in control and independent. The next couple of months were absolute hell, I was unable to do anything for myself; to the extent of my parents needing to help me out of bed, forcing me to eat. Driving was not an option. Luckily my boss was still extremely supportive and told me to take all the time I needed to recover. I was in complete isolation for 2 months. After trying a couple of types of antidepressants; I finally found one that seemed to have agreed with me. After the 3rd month off work; I was finally ready to return back to work. I was actually excited to get back to normality and routine. 2 days before I was supposed to start; I received a call from my boss. She advised she would need to make my position redundant as the company was not growing and she couldn’t afford to keep employees. It was another major blow for me, I was in complete shock. I had mixed emotions; anger, depression, confusion, self-blame… After a couple of days of crying; I immediately started looking for a new job in the same industry which to my surprise; I received 3 job offers within the week. The role I accepted was in a bigger company with a team of 23. I tried my hardest to feel excited about it; yet had this “empty” feeling still lingering. I tried to convince myself this was just nervousness and things would work out. I ended up lasting 3 days at this job and quit… After the 2nd day, I witnessed the boss screaming & swearing at all the employees, the in office banter was insulting and intimidating, the way they spoke about their clients was disgusting. The environment definitely didn’t fit and lead me to feel anxious and unconfident. I then took another role in a smaller company... I lasted 4 days and quit… I took another role after that… I lasted a week and quit. At the time of starting each role, I tried to be open minded, I understood that it takes time to adjust to new environments, yet the constant feeling of anxiety kept returning, I was always running to the bathroom to be sick due to this panic, sitting in the corner of the cubicle balling my eyes out. I had absolutely no confidence in myself and felt these companies were better off with someone that could actually cope. To make matters harder, my parents have now gone on a holiday for 2 and half weeks so am sitting here alone at home feeling like a complete failure. Feeling like my life is going nowhere, I have no meaning anymore. I have had to double my antidepressants as my psych believes this is necessary. To add to this; I did the silly mistake of obtaining more cannabis to try and cope with it all. Yet it made matters even worse. The feeling was horrible and nothing I had ever experienced before, making me feel even more depressed, paranoid and completely out of it. It wasn’t the answer anymore… There is nothing out there that will help me cope with this. I honestly thought I was on the verge of recovery at the beginning of the year.. now Im feeling worse than ever. Ive lost all motivation to do anything, the only escape I feel is when I am asleep and don’t have to deal with any of it. I don’t want to socialise with anyone yet at the same time I just want to talk to someone that understands. It is now 2:30pm, I am still in my pajamas and haven’t showered.. my thoughts just keep telling me its not worth it… ive lost my strength and fight.. I keep getting told “just take one day at a time”… I am so sick of hearing that… time seems to make matters worse…

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New to this Forum? Please read this first!

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feeling lost

replies: 2

It is all too much

replies: 3

Anxiety from father and sneaky stepmother

replies: 16

Everything I usually enjoy just seems difficult and pointless

replies: 1

Please Help

replies: 7

Get Better & Stay Better!?

replies: 1

what do I do

replies: 1

Just another sob story.

replies: 1

How to Overcome Depression?

replies: 1

Rollercoaster of ups and downs...

replies: 5

Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

feeling lost replies: 2

It is all too much replies: 3

Anxiety from father and sneaky stepmother replies: 16

Everything I usually enjoy just seems difficult and pointless replies: 1

Please Help replies: 7

Get Better & Stay Better!? replies: 1

what do I do replies: 1

Just another sob story. replies: 1

How to Overcome Depression? replies: 1

Rollercoaster of ups and downs... replies: 5

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

feeling lost

replies: 2

It is all too much

replies: 3

Anxiety from father and sneaky stepmother

replies: 16

Everything I usually enjoy just seems difficult and pointless

replies: 1

Please Help

replies: 7

Get Better & Stay Better!?

replies: 1

what do I do

replies: 1

Just another sob story.

replies: 1

How to Overcome Depression?

replies: 1

Rollercoaster of ups and downs...

replies: 5