Taken by surprise with anxiety

[Simply_Meg]

Hey everyone,

First time writing in one of these so here we go.

A few months ago I moved into an established sharehouse (4 including me) and it’s great. I had a friend already there and the 2 guys are brilliant, my friend and them don’t get on as well as I do them due to my similar sense of humour. Over the past month I’ve become attracted to one of them, it’s hard because I enjoy his company when he comes home work as we just hang out and talk, we’ve had a similar up bringing and he’s supportive of me trying to build a business (he read out lines of a book 2 me I’d underlined).

A month ago I had a bit of a crisis, I graduated uni last year and I’m trying to work on my own business whilst having a casual retail job. But I realised that I felt like I had no purpose, retail wasn’t sustaining me financially, mentally or creatively. I realised that I need a full time job whilst building my business, it’s dawned on me that I’ll have to move states due to the nature of my work.

Being from the UK and moving around so much I’m prepared for it. But this time it feels different, when I left home I was excited because where I was living I didn’t know many people, it was the same when I left the UK. The prospect of leaving has my heart torn in two, I want to do what’s best for me but I finally feel like I belong somewhere.

I have an interview which I’ve told my housemates about and I’m worried that it’ll change the dynamic (it’s happened previously) in the house but I keep getting told I doesn’t matter or I shouldn’t have said anything (I don’t overly like keeping secrets).

The last few days my brain has been swirling with so many thoughts and feeling, I feel mentally exhausted.

I feel like I belong where I am now but in way that where I’m living at moment isn’t the right time for me. I could imagine bringing up a family here but the thought of being here indefinitely bores me to tears.

I like the adventure of going somewhere new but the thought of starting again and not meeting people like my housemates kills me a little bit. I only have a few close friends and I count them as some.

In all the time of moving I’ve never felt as I do now, as to whether I’m making the right decision. A part of me also knows it’s also the thought of leaving my housemate I’m attracted to, it sounds daft because I know I don’t know he how feels.

I’m afraid of starting over, not having the housemates I have now, and the prospect of not meeting someone I’m attracted to.

[white knight]

Hi Meg, welcome

Indecision can result in stress and anxiety and it seems you have some.

I moved around in the RAAF when young (I'm 62) and that's the ultimate in gaining and losing friends scenario. Let me assure you, your new environment will show up some new friends and maybe a new love. As your housemate hasn't actively shown any interest I'd be planning my move if I got a full time job.

To assist you in this you could ask him how he feels about it- "well I might be moving soon interstate, how do you feel about that"? A bit forward but you cant catch a fish with just a hook.

I think your future in your career and lack of proactivity on behalf of this fellow should steer you towards moving. If he feels strong about you IMO he would show it, be distressed you are going and make a more solid move.

I've been in the same situation and stayed on "hope" and it has never worked out. It's just not enough reason to hang around.

I hope that makes sense.

Tony WK

[Simply_Meg]

Hi Tony,

Thank you for your reply, it really meant a lot. I’ve been re-reading to remind myself that moving is the best for me.

In regards to my housemate you couldn’t be more right - I’ve relied on hope so many times and it just ends up with me getting hurt. My problem is that I look way into the little things he does (as I’ve been told) rather than not over-thinking.

Once I know that I’m definitely moving I think I’ll feel less decisive with things, if so, it may bring more opportunities.

Thank you again for your words and understanding - it really means a lot.

Meg