Young people

I'm a loser and I don't know how to change.

replies: 4

Hi all, I'm pretty new here and this is my first post so its lovely to meet you sorry for such a self-flagellating title just trying to be honest. I'm a 20 year old University student studying music. I find myself really unhappy with myself. This bec... View more

Hi all, I'm pretty new here and this is my first post so its lovely to meet you sorry for such a self-flagellating title just trying to be honest. I'm a 20 year old University student studying music. I find myself really unhappy with myself. This became super obvious when my father sat me down and made me aware of all the things that I was letting fly under the radar. namely, how overweight I am, how I don't have a real job, I run an unsuccessful business, I don't manage my time well, don't really have any friends. all these things. (also no one knows this but me but I'm a compulsive liar) also It might be a separate problem but in my head at least its much of the same, but allot of people tell me I'm a horrible person (my ex's friends and stuff) I try really hard not to be horrid, but its kind of a situation of "if everyone else seems crazy then you're the crazy one" sort of thing. so I accept that maybe I'm a bad person but I find it hard to pin down the reasons why and harder again to change them. I find myself incapacitated by disappointment in myself these last few weeks. unable to get myself out of bed or do anything, consumed by self hatred. so I thought i'd ask the advice of you guys, maybe there's someone who's gone through a profound change? How do I change? How do I become someone I can be happy with? How do I put up with myself in the meantime? Some of these changes seem nigh impossible and there's so many of them, its very disheartening I don't know if I can put up with myself for much longer (sorry again for being so melodramatic) thanks for any advice

Workplace Bullying - How to cope when your CEO is bullying you? Trigger Warning - bullying/rape/harassment

replies: 2

I work for a not for profit - only 14 staff in total. Since commencing in 2017 I've been bullied constantly by a group of colleagues (4 who all work together in one department) & the CEO. They've left me out of work events & important decisions that ... View more

I work for a not for profit - only 14 staff in total. Since commencing in 2017 I've been bullied constantly by a group of colleagues (4 who all work together in one department) & the CEO. They've left me out of work events & important decisions that grossly affect my job; blatantly ignored me at work; verbally abused me when I don't do what they want and constantly dump their work to me but when I try to be assertive & say I need to prioritise my own work they say I'm not a team player. After several weeks of working 14 -16 hours days, 7 days a week (rather than my contractual 7.5 hr/5 day week) I tried speaking to the CEO in face-to-face meetings. As I want to make sure the issues I raise are addressed, I always follow meetings up with emails but the CEO has told me that I'm being incredibly rude by putting things discussed in meetings in follow-up emails even though they are work related. I have told her that I feel this is best practice as issues can then be referred to & better actioned in future but she says she doesn't want anything in writing & because she's been in "senior positions for much longer than (I) have" she is a better judge of what is best and her ruling is that: "issues in the workplace should always be kept off paper". Additionally, 3 weeks after commencing employment, one of my co-workers (who has continued to bully me severely every day, for what has now been nearly a year) waited until I was alone in the office before yelling at me & saying that there were no issues with the way things are being run and that I was/am "the problem" with the workplace. I record the time/dates and all bullying incidents. Yet despite me having another senior colleague raise the bullying issue with my CEO & personally raising the same issues in a separate meeting that I was begrudgingly dragged into (because the same bully was trying to undermine my work yet again), the CEO has said I need to accept that the person is just "abrupt", that there is no bullying & I'm the one who needs to change my attitude to be more of a team player. My CEO has not only ignored multiple bullying incidents I've experienced but also forced me to work on a project with someone who raped me - despite my 2 regular doctors & psychiatrist writing letters stating I was to have nothing to do with the project. Am feeling so hopeless as I need my job to live but the constantly bullying is pervading into & destroying every aspect of my life. I really need advice &/or support.

Depressed and getting no where

replies: 2

I'm just going to post the crux of my situation, thanks if you read it. I got my first full time job two years ago which I just left a fortnight ago due to bullying. I was harassed constantly for a year by other workers and by the management themselv... View more

I'm just going to post the crux of my situation, thanks if you read it. I got my first full time job two years ago which I just left a fortnight ago due to bullying. I was harassed constantly for a year by other workers and by the management themselves, not because I did anything but because they were bullies with a history of abusing innocent workers. I left because another job came up with another company which I thought would be more professional, but this new job is a manual job (which I understood before applying), but the problem is that I feel that I am way too overloaded with work for the day. I've been working 9-10 hour days and the management have been complaining that I take too long to do the work. I asked my colleague who was training me in the job and he said that is how they are, its a bit of a bad culture there which I didn't know as I'm new. I know I won't be staying there so I am so depressed at the moment that I am busting my behind and then I get home every day and just go to sleep for most of the night, wake up have dinner and then go back to sleep. I feel so useless because I don't know what to do with myself and I don't know if I'll ever be able to have any career or decent job without being harassed. I was great at my last job but I was pushed out of it by people that harassed me, lied about me and at one point I was violently assaulted. I just don't know what to do, makes me wonder if it is even worth trying sometimes. I've dealt with depression since high school and I am just so sick of people when all I want is to be left alone and just go about my work. If it wasn't for my girlfriend I probably wouldn't care as much about being alive. I've got no current prospects and I'm basically sick of trying. I don't know what to do. My girlfriend is pretty much the only thing that makes me happy right now but my parents don't approve of our relationship and because I don't have a regular income I can't move out right now. Just shaking my head at the moment because I don't know if things will ever get any better for me. I feel like such a loser. Sorry just needed to get this out to someone.

Shame

replies: 3

I’ve been struggling a lot with my self image recently, sometimes my self worth. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought like this but today hit me pretty hard. My boyfriend and I were going to the beach, and all I was thinking is is this bikini too... View more

I’ve been struggling a lot with my self image recently, sometimes my self worth. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought like this but today hit me pretty hard. My boyfriend and I were going to the beach, and all I was thinking is is this bikini too tight on me now? Once we get to the beach we can’t find a park very close so we walk a fair way. Once we’re there the beach is surrounded by pretty much tan and beautiful people, and all I’m feeling is like this pale chubbachub, I know I shouldn’t care so much about it, what I look like but I hate the stretch marks on my legs and the sheer weight of my thighs. My boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go for a swim I said no, I’ll go later another time maybe. He just thought I was mad at him for something that happened earlier in the day and I was just being annoying. I didn’t want to tell him that I didn’t want to swim because I was worried about chaffing on my big thighs from walking back to the car wet. I usually talk to him but I’ve been finding it hard because every time I try he seems to want to fix it or just say no ur not fat and why don’t u believe me when I say your beautiful, he just ends up getting annoyed that he can’t fix my mood and then I feel 10x worse, and I just wanted someone to talk to, because this really gets me down a lot, I know it shouldn’t and I know it’s shallow but it’s taking up a lot of my time thinking bad about my body, does anyone know ways to get out of this frame of mind?

Taken by surprise with anxiety

replies: 2

Hey everyone, First time writing in one of these so here we go. A few months ago I moved into an established sharehouse (4 including me) and it’s great. I had a friend already there and the 2 guys are brilliant, my friend and them don’t get on as wel... View more

Hey everyone, First time writing in one of these so here we go. A few months ago I moved into an established sharehouse (4 including me) and it’s great. I had a friend already there and the 2 guys are brilliant, my friend and them don’t get on as well as I do them due to my similar sense of humour. Over the past month I’ve become attracted to one of them, it’s hard because I enjoy his company when he comes home work as we just hang out and talk, we’ve had a similar up bringing and he’s supportive of me trying to build a business (he read out lines of a book 2 me I’d underlined). A month ago I had a bit of a crisis, I graduated uni last year and I’m trying to work on my own business whilst having a casual retail job. But I realised that I felt like I had no purpose, retail wasn’t sustaining me financially, mentally or creatively. I realised that I need a full time job whilst building my business, it’s dawned on me that I’ll have to move states due to the nature of my work. Being from the UK and moving around so much I’m prepared for it. But this time it feels different, when I left home I was excited because where I was living I didn’t know many people, it was the same when I left the UK. The prospect of leaving has my heart torn in two, I want to do what’s best for me but I finally feel like I belong somewhere. I have an interview which I’ve told my housemates about and I’m worried that it’ll change the dynamic (it’s happened previously) in the house but I keep getting told I doesn’t matter or I shouldn’t have said anything (I don’t overly like keeping secrets). The last few days my brain has been swirling with so many thoughts and feeling, I feel mentally exhausted. I feel like I belong where I am now but in way that where I’m living at moment isn’t the right time for me. I could imagine bringing up a family here but the thought of being here indefinitely bores me to tears. I like the adventure of going somewhere new but the thought of starting again and not meeting people like my housemates kills me a little bit. I only have a few close friends and I count them as some. In all the time of moving I’ve never felt as I do now, as to whether I’m making the right decision. A part of me also knows it’s also the thought of leaving my housemate I’m attracted to, it sounds daft because I know I don’t know he how feels. I’m afraid of starting over, not having the housemates I have now, and the prospect of not meeting someone I’m attracted to.

Depressed boyfriend. Need support

replies: 1

We've been together almost a year next month. We had this instant connection when we met, we both told eachother about our trust issues and he opened up and told me about the abuse he suffered until he was 18 by his dad.something he has never done be... View more

We've been together almost a year next month. We had this instant connection when we met, we both told eachother about our trust issues and he opened up and told me about the abuse he suffered until he was 18 by his dad.something he has never done before & hes never had a girlfriend, everything kind of unfolded quickly- it was great. We decided to move in together late last year so he left it all to me. As it was all done in a rush even i knew i jumped the gun on the place i chose. I guess it all started the moment we moved in, I could just tell he did not like it. He would come home and feel miserable because there was nothing closeby- we were big on going to cafes and on runs and his mates lived a far. Despite this it didn' stop him from buying furniture or bringing home flowers. So I brushed it off. Fast forward to the start of the year and I said something he took wrong. I made the biggest mistake even though I didn' say it to intentionally hurt him it was just me being insecure about an issue and I didn' think it was something bad. Ever since, he started being more distant and told me he needed space and he was shutting down. I didn' realise how much I stuffed up and it affected me alot because I hurt somebody that I love so I was constantly upset. I was so confused that something so small could ruin everything we had. He told me I broke his trust and that he wasn't the same. The only way he deals with this is by shutting every one out and keeping to himself. Whenever I would ask him if he still wanted to be together or how he felt all he would say is "I don't know". The last 2 months have been hard as we both dont have anywhere else to go and are constantly home. We still talk and at times joke around, sex hasn' stopped but I know he isn't his happy self anymore. I left for a week but had to come back as I couldn't stay away from my home. He said he missed me but still wasn' sure. Recently he admitted he doesn't not want to be with me but is finding it hard to overcome this and doesn't know how long or if he will ever be okay. I'm not willing to give up on him. Ive Had a few breakdowns as I'm trying hard to be here and support him without letting this affect me cause hes not the same guy I fell in love him with- I just needed to vent and I see im not alone. How did you get the strength to not let it affect you infront of him? He has never spoken to anyone about his past but he needs to, how should I go about this??

Life Can Be Problematic

replies: 6

Hey everyone, long story short I'm 22 and trying to get my life together, I'm in the process of getting some voluntary work experience through a job agency, The problem is if my job is not local I'm going to have to rely on public transport which I h... View more

Hey everyone, long story short I'm 22 and trying to get my life together, I'm in the process of getting some voluntary work experience through a job agency, The problem is if my job is not local I'm going to have to rely on public transport which I have never really used and still trying to get comfortable with, Every time I raise the important of having my own car my dad doesn't want to talk about it. His theory is get a job than the car, Maybe that worked in the 70's but in 2018 it's the opposite. I feel like im making no life progress as im still trying to get my licence, Feel like things are not moving along as they should, find myself at home alot and down wishing life were different, Friends don't understand my issues and I have nobody to vent too so this is what brought me here to beyondblue Can anyone relate to this... Thanks for reading this, dont expect anyone to bother with replying but it would be nice aha

Moving

replies: 3

hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and I just moved from the top of Australia (where I lived for 5 years and grew many friendships) to NSW and I am not dealing well with it all. I feel lost, like my life has no meaning. I am simply going to school, studying,... View more

hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and I just moved from the top of Australia (where I lived for 5 years and grew many friendships) to NSW and I am not dealing well with it all. I feel lost, like my life has no meaning. I am simply going to school, studying, laying in bed all weekend and repeat. I have made 2 friends but they both live an hour away from me because I don't go to my zone school. I don't fit in and all I want to do is go home, back to the Northern Territory. It is too hard to live down here and every time I think about home I start to cry, which is like every night. I just want to go home but my parents never want to go back because they grew up in NSW and want to stay here. I am only 14 so I cant go and live up there by myself and I just don't know how to deal with it. I fear that when I am old enough to move there alone, it won't be the same as it used to be and all I want to do is live out my life there. It is my home. I just need some way to deal with it and someone I can talk to.

Everyone loves my best friend and I'm just there

replies: 2

So we are a group of 5, 3 guys and 2 girls including myself. My best friend is beautiful, tall and thin. I can look nice but nothing compared to her. I just found out at all three friends are currently crushing on her at the same time. I feel so unne... View more

So we are a group of 5, 3 guys and 2 girls including myself. My best friend is beautiful, tall and thin. I can look nice but nothing compared to her. I just found out at all three friends are currently crushing on her at the same time. I feel so unneeded in my group, and so unattractive and hideous I don't like any of them that way but it would be lovely to be desired and appreciated. This may sound selfish but I'm sure a lot of girls understand what I mean I have a history of anorexia and I can't help feeling that if I was thin again more guys would like me I just feel so worthless and gutted. It's actually such a humiliating feeling. All the care about is her. They don't even know how they make me feel. Any help guys?

‘Changing into another part of me’

replies: 4

Hello reader, I’ve come to ramble again about my mental health here and just wanted to vent out and see what might be an issue since I’ve got a psychologist appointment soon. ill start with the fact I’ve posted here before about the issue of me ‘chan... View more

Hello reader, I’ve come to ramble again about my mental health here and just wanted to vent out and see what might be an issue since I’ve got a psychologist appointment soon. ill start with the fact I’ve posted here before about the issue of me ‘changing to a different state’. This also may be due to psychosis, I’m not sure. I was only recently diagnosed this January. This happens at random or certain times such as after 9:30pm or when left alone (e.g by myself or not around friends or people I like) and what happens during this is I become completely number of most emotion except anger and narcissism is raised drastically. I’m above everyone else and deserve more, I don’t feel emotion or care, empathy is gone and sadness is non existent. I don’t feel until I switch back to my normal self. Currently im in this state, I seek knowledge of what my issue is and this is often what happens when I change. Everything is silent to me, my brain doesn’t think to me and all I hear is single thoughts instead of my usual racing mind and non silent self. I’m completely aware about myself and it’s other part. We share thought and memories, there’s no blanks in them or anything. Often when in my normal phase, I have my other part of me talking like a thought would come through, it’s like a thought except it’s not my usual thought if you know what I mean. Imagine you looked at a duck and wanted to feed it, another part of me says “No, end it’s pathetic life” or another example is when talking to people when I really care about what their saying, I ‘think’ “I don’t care about you, you don’t matter”. It’s kinda like an intrusive thought except I don’t feel worried about it at all since I can’t really feel it or im so used to it. i often behave silently and it’s very noticeable if I do switch. Most commonly is I tend to have no facial expression, I’m monotonous and my English is hightend in vocabulary. I also express a lot of rage and violence’s if provoked. I’ve been provoked in the past and have hurt people without thinking, but let’s not think about that it’s not too important. my finals point here is that I’m so confused to what on earth this is about, is it an ASD alter? Psychosis? DID? I’m not very sure and would like to hear what you think. If you want or can, perhaps you should read my other posts that I’ve made. I’m it sure if I know how you can find them but I’m a strange child with a little bit of everything Thanks for your replies and I’m out of characters.

Pinned discussions

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

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All discussions

I'm a loser and I don't know how to change.

replies: 4

Workplace Bullying - How to cope when your CEO is bullying you? Trigger Warning - bullying/rape/harassment

replies: 2

Depressed and getting no where

replies: 2

Shame

replies: 3

Taken by surprise with anxiety

replies: 2

Depressed boyfriend. Need support

replies: 1

Life Can Be Problematic

replies: 6

Moving

replies: 3

Everyone loves my best friend and I'm just there

replies: 2

‘Changing into another part of me’

replies: 4

Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

I'm a loser and I don't know how to change. replies: 4

Workplace Bullying - How to cope when your CEO is bullying you? *Trigger Warning - bullying/rape/harassment * replies: 2

Depressed and getting no where replies: 2

Shame replies: 3

Taken by surprise with anxiety replies: 2

Depressed boyfriend. Need support replies: 1

Life Can Be Problematic replies: 6

Moving replies: 3

Everyone loves my best friend and I'm just there replies: 2

‘Changing into another part of me’ replies: 4

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

I'm a loser and I don't know how to change.

replies: 4

Workplace Bullying - How to cope when your CEO is bullying you? Trigger Warning - bullying/rape/harassment

replies: 2

Depressed and getting no where

replies: 2

Shame

replies: 3

Taken by surprise with anxiety

replies: 2

Depressed boyfriend. Need support

replies: 1

Life Can Be Problematic

replies: 6

Moving

replies: 3

Everyone loves my best friend and I'm just there

replies: 2

‘Changing into another part of me’

replies: 4