‘Changing into another part of me’

[Artastic55]

Hello reader, I’ve come to ramble again about my mental health here and just wanted to vent out and see what might be an issue since I’ve got a psychologist appointment soon.

ill start with the fact I’ve posted here before about the issue of me ‘changing to a different state’. This also may be due to psychosis, I’m not sure. I was only recently diagnosed this January.

This happens at random or certain times such as after 9:30pm or when left alone (e.g by myself or not around friends or people I like) and what happens during this is I become completely number of most emotion except anger and narcissism is raised drastically. I’m above everyone else and deserve more, I don’t feel emotion or care, empathy is gone and sadness is non existent. I don’t feel until I switch back to my normal self.

Currently im in this state, I seek knowledge of what my issue is and this is often what happens when I change. Everything is silent to me, my brain doesn’t think to me and all I hear is single thoughts instead of my usual racing mind and non silent self.

I’m completely aware about myself and it’s other part. We share thought and memories, there’s no blanks in them or anything. Often when in my normal phase, I have my other part of me talking like a thought would come through, it’s like a thought except it’s not my usual thought if you know what I mean. Imagine you looked at a duck and wanted to feed it, another part of me says “No, end it’s pathetic life” or another example is when talking to people when I really care about what their saying, I ‘think’ “I don’t care about you, you don’t matter”. It’s kinda like an intrusive thought except I don’t feel worried about it at all since I can’t really feel it or im so used to it.

i often behave silently and it’s very noticeable if I do switch. Most commonly is I tend to have no facial expression, I’m monotonous and my English is hightend in vocabulary. I also express a lot of rage and violence’s if provoked. I’ve been provoked in the past and have hurt people without thinking, but let’s not think about that it’s not too important.

my finals point here is that I’m so confused to what on earth this is about, is it an ASD alter? Psychosis? DID? I’m not very sure and would like to hear what you think. If you want or can, perhaps you should read my other posts that I’ve made. I’m it sure if I know how you can find them but I’m a strange child with a little bit of everything

Thanks for your replies and I’m out of characters.

[BballJ]

Hi Artastic55,

Welcome back to the forums. You are using them for the exact reason they are here and that is so you can come and vent and get some advice. I read what you write in great detail and I am sorry that you have the second part to you, I know you cannot control it but it does sound tough and you obviously are still aware of everything if you can recall all of it. Have you spoken to your GP about it or is that what this next psychologist appointment is about?

Is there anyway you can link me to your other posts, would be interested to read them so I can learn more about you. I am sorry I do not have more clear advice for this situation, I just do not know much about it.

My best for you,

Jay

[Artastic55]

these two are the only ones really explaining.

also thank you for the hasty reply

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/my-triggered-emotional-detachment-and-disassociation-is-it-my-anxiety-or-worse-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/personality-and-mood-switches-to-opposite-of-one's-self-

[Artastic55]

Hey thanks for the reply!

i don’t believe I can actually send off links since I tried and haven’t had luck... so I’m not sure what to do about that.

[Doolhof]

Hi Artastic55,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. Hopefully the psychologist will be able to provide greater understanding of what you are experiencing. It can be in-nerving when our minds take us to places that seem unexplained and confusing.

Does it bother you when your mind takes you on this other course? Sometimes my mind leads me along the path of awful thoughts regarding harming other people and blowing up the world. Some of it is very graphic in detail and I don't like to consider I can have those images in my mind let alone entertain the thoughts for a period of time.

Are you able to bring yourself back from that place? My psychologist was telling me that sometimes if we fight our thoughts, it can make those thoughts even stronger! Guess we need to find a sense of acceptance, a way to live with them and then hope they slowly reduce due to a lack of attention.

That is what I am going to be working on now anyway.

Not sure if this helps you at all! We all experience our thoughts differently.

Cheers from Dools