Shame

[T1217hg]

I’ve been struggling a lot with my self image recently, sometimes my self worth. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought like this but today hit me pretty hard. My boyfriend and I were going to the beach, and all I was thinking is is this bikini too tight on me now? Once we get to the beach we can’t find a park very close so we walk a fair way. Once we’re there the beach is surrounded by pretty much tan and beautiful people, and all I’m feeling is like this pale chubbachub, I know I shouldn’t care so much about it, what I look like but I hate the stretch marks on my legs and the sheer weight of my thighs. My boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go for a swim I said no, I’ll go later another time maybe. He just thought I was mad at him for something that happened earlier in the day and I was just being annoying. I didn’t want to tell him that I didn’t want to swim because I was worried about chaffing on my big thighs from walking back to the car wet. I usually talk to him but I’ve been finding it hard because every time I try he seems to want to fix it or just say no ur not fat and why don’t u believe me when I say your beautiful, he just ends up getting annoyed that he can’t fix my mood and then I feel 10x worse, and I just wanted someone to talk to, because this really gets me down a lot, I know it shouldn’t and I know it’s shallow but it’s taking up a lot of my time thinking bad about my body, does anyone know ways to get out of this frame of mind?

[monkey_magic]

I really enjoyed reading your post because I'm in the same boat. I have weight issues myself and chafe. It hurts huh. I guess we can just not think about it- put it out of our minds. That's what I do & I literally don't care what people think of me and if I don't care I won't compare. You are beautiful just the way God made you. In saying that I think our bodies are a big deal to us.

Ok, so to change your situation- you can get a tan. I'm currently swimming & playing tennis to lose weight to feel better about myself. Are there any sports or physical activities you enjoy- great for self esteem.

I love how supportive your boyfriend sounds.

Love to hear back from you:)

[Ggrand]

Hello T1217hg,

Welcome to the BB forums.

What a very supportive bf you have, who says your beautiful the way you are, that's Gold.

We are all different in sizes, colour, hair, skin type that's what makes us all unique, one of a kind..

Be yourself and don't worry about about your stretch marks, or you size, by worrying about these issues, you are taking your thoughts away from enjoying your life with a boyfriend who says your beautiful.

Dont worry what you think others are thinking, your boyfriend and he is important to you says your beautiful.. believe him and enjoy yourselves together..

I was once over weight and got the chaffing your talking about, a simple trick that really works is to spray underarm deodorant between your thighs it stops the chaffing.

I like what magic says. " I don't care, I won't compare"

Embrace yourself with your beautiful self..

Be gentle and be kind to yourself.

Kindness only,

Grandy

Please believe your boyfriend, he sounds wonderful.

Remember it's what inside that counts,

[BluBelle]

I feel you T12, I've struggled with my weight and my self-confidence and self-image for most of my life. Every time I walk into a room, I look around to see if I'm the fattest one there and if I am, I feel like crap about myself and want to leave the whole time. But I'm working really hard on it, because I can't change how anyone else looks - I can only change how I feel about myself. I wish I could say it's easy, but it's not. That negative voice has been inside my head for so long, it's a tough habit to break.

I've also had friends tell me 'shut up, you're not fat'. At one point in my life, it was probably true but it's definitely not now! But I realised they only say it because they love me and want me to feel happy. We're always our own harshest critic. Just once I wish I could see myself through the eyes of people who love me, because I bet my weight doesn't even factor into it - just like your boyfriend! It's a natural human tendency, and particularly with men, to want to help people we love if we see them suffering. Sometimes it's just as simple as saying "I just want to tell you how I feel, and all I need from you is to listen and support me. It's not a problem I'm asking you to fix."

As far as how to feel better, I found a lot of useful stuff about learning to accept my body from Healthy At Every Size type blogs and websites. As a practical tip to avoid chafing (or as I call it "chub rub") you can buy little silky bike short things online specifically for that purpose. Or try those prescription strength deodorant sticks on your inner thighs. They smell a bit funky but they work.