Struggling with uni/personal life

[Anon96]

Hi all,

I am a second year law student, well actually i'm in my third year at uni, but i failed a couple of units last semester, so decided to take a mental and physical health break for the first semester, and am back at uni re-doing the units i failed this semester. The health break started well, but was overall a complete failure.

I'm incredibly introverted, slightly overweight (to the point of being an unhealthy annoyance more than a serious urgent health issue), and am struggling and have struggled adapting to university life and maintaining a good personal life. At the end of last year, I had been skipping classes due to being too anxious and worried about having to speak in front of class, and more so scared of not knowing the answer to something and looking stupid. This got to the point were I would have to fake sickness to get out of class to avoid being unenrolled due to bad attendance. For the most part, my assignments are fine, getting at least a pass in most instances, but my attendance in actual tutorial classes and lectures is bad.

By the end of last year it had gotten to the point where i didn't care anymore and didn't bother watching lectures online or anything, and failed my exams. I enjoy learning about law (and politics which i do through Arts, I'm doing a combined degree), but get too anxious and legitimately scared to go to class.

Some background on my personal life, and possible contributors to my current situation:

Im slightly overweight and unhealthy, part of my planned break from uni was to be spent going to the gym and eating well, and losing weight. It started off well, but after a month or two i regressed and haven't gotten back to the level of commitment i once had, although i do still work out a couple of times a week or so, when i can be bothered getting up and going. I can tell my health is making me feel bad about myself and generally unwell most of the time. I want to fix this, but find it hard to be out in public situations where people might talk to me.

My father passed away in 2011 when i was about 15, this has obviously been a massive burden, I live in a single mother household with 3 younger siblings and have become somewhat of a role model for my youngest sibling, who finds it hard to remember his dad at times. This also lead to broken relationships due to depressive and suicidal thoughts during college.

[Anon96]

To add to this (run out of words):

These thoughts lead to me feeling alienated from girls and relationships in general after breaking up with my last girlfriend in grade 10 (5 years ago or so) over feeling down on myself and not wanting to bother others with it. Since high school and college I've found myself avoiding life long friends and just sitting around at home just because i don't feel like heading out or whatever.

This semester at uni started well buit i've regressed. I'll drive to the campus then sit in the car until class would finish then drive home due to being too anxious, I keep this hidden from my mum because i don;'t want to let her down after failing last year. I'm starting to feel as though uni might not be for me, but don't see any other option (i'm not interested in a trade). I am very political minded and feel like maybe starting up a website and gathering some others who would be interested in contributing and doing a kind of blog site but i don't know how to go about it, how to network, or whether it would be worth it. Something like that i would enjoy far more than uni i feel, but i don't see any viability in anything i would rather do. And feel worried about talking to mum about any of this after nearly three years of doing something which i don't feel is right for me.

Being anxious around being out in situations where ill be asked questions or generally spoken to means i havent seen a doctor about any of this also. I just feel very lost and don't know what to do first to go about sorting my life out, and making tough decisions regarding career choices and whether i want to stay at uni.

[swtpotato]

Anon96,

Wow your situation is very similar to mine. I am also in 3rd yr but doing 2nd year classes as I took last semester off to work on physical and mental health, have found it really hard to get back into things this sem and keep up good habits. I posted here the first time about feeling isolated and anxious at uni.

My dad also passed away a few years ago near the start of my first year at uni so I definitely can understand a bit how hard that would be to process and accept. Difference is I am one of the youngest in my family (but same number of kids!!) So weird!

It's great that you are coming here to seek support! It's a very welcoming and friendly place, and I've found it easy to talk to everyone here which is helping me with my social anxiety and depression a lot. Feel free to jump on any of the threads incl. the social space. (I am on my thread - 'existential and social anxiety - can you relate?' and usually on the cafe spaces too 🙂 )

I've faked sick because I was too anxious to go to class too, what helped recently when I had to do a presentation was to expect myself to feel shaky and nervous and accept that this is a perfectly normal response for me, if I thought about the anxiety as 'overstimulation' rather than fear I became less afraid of my reactions.

Have you thought about getting treatment for what you're going through or reaching out to friends/family for support? You could go to a GP to talk about these issues and maybe get a mental health care plan. Having someone to talk to and encourage you to take steps to improve is great.

It sounds like you focus more on the failures rather than your successes which is common with depression and maybe have standards that are too high too fulfil - I think you should be proud of what you have been doing for your family and the steps you have taken to look after yourself!

Hope to see you around,

Em

[swtpotato]

Hi Anon96, how have you been going?