I need to know what it is I'm feeling or what's wrong.

[Artastic55]

Hi.

I wanted to write here again because it had a positive impact in my life, but this time I wanted to address a range of things that go on in my life, hoping for the support of the lovely people on here. I'm not good at explaining everything but here's a quick summary and I really hope for some help.

Ill start off with the fact I've been diagnosed with ADD and OCD and am currently seeing people to help with those conditions. I also wanted to address some pretty deep stuff about my mental state that is appropriate.

For years now, I've been suffering through a time of me disliking many people and pushing them away aggressively to the point of hostility. This ends up resulting in really bad depression that I must endure which I struggle some days not to just drop onto the floor and cry. It usually comes in sudden outbursts of depression however the causes can be unknown or be triggered.

My family life is pretty good, except my hatred for my father who neglected me through most of my childhood and current state. I begin to become more hostile to him as the time passes and I really don't think I should be doing so. My friendships are good however I have little amounts of them due to the reasons of my hostility and severe disliking of the people at my school.

I also have a concern for my issues such as the having little to no empathy and sympathy. I just struggle to really care even if I try sometimes. Some say it's weird, but I want to care for people but I can't if I don't know how or can't feel it whatsoever. I can read emotions but I just don't care that much which saddens me

Id also like to address some previous childhood bullying where my previous best friend had bullied me and she and her friends would bully and harass me, and they have no idea. I sometimes fantasise about telling them about what they did and just seeing their reactions which is really cruel.

thats not all but it's as much as I can do with 500 words left. I do see a psychiatrist and psychologist but I struggle to get information out.

If you managed to read through this, thanks for your time you wonderful human. 🙂 Have a good day/night

[RandR]

Hi there Artastic55 and welcome back to the BB forums 🙂

I read your post and can relate with a few of the things you made mention of.

Fantastic to read that you have found the forums to be helpful to you in the past and hopefully you can find it helpful once again.

The waves of sudden depression are quite normal for many sufferers. I had major depression for 12 years and that feeling was ongoing. One moment I feel great the next I feel alone and sad.

Great to hear the overall relationship with the family is good. My father had an affair after 25 years of marriage and then one day I just found his car at a shopping centre and he packed his bags, took all the Money and left without saying as much as goodbye to my mum, two sisters and me. I carried a lot of hate towards him for this but over the years I focus on the people and family that are supportive and there for me and vice versa.

Like you my circle of friends is small too. It's completely fine to be blunt and not be as emotional as other people. Everyone is built up differently and no two people are the same. I can tell you I don't like most people to ahaha! We can be friends!

As for being bullied, I was bullied my entire primary school life which impacted me and left me not having a lot of faith in people and created a lot of inner anger. Over time I turned my anger into strength and it has made me a very strong skinned individual and has helped develop me into the person I am today. In my experience, best friends don't bully best friends. And good and decent humans don't bully people. With all due respect, sounds like you are better off without those type of people and I'm a firm believer in karma. Give your energy and focus to good and deserving people. You will get it back in return.

I'm Raman by the way and happy to chat more if you like and thanks again for being brave and reaching out 🙂

Hope you have a great day.

Regards,

Raman.