Hello Ksj, a very warm welcome to you and I'm deeply sorry for what has happened and that you had to experience such a tragedy of a close friend, unfortunately, there is no answer why it had to happen now and then and part of the healing process is learning to find ways to deal with the unknown and accepting there will never be an answer.
You must try and look after yourself and you know, once when you were able to do things easily, now maybe harder than ever, so give yourself time to grieve you need to allow this time, there will be moments where you can smile at different situations and then periods where you will begin to cry, don't try and stop these tears, it's your emotion opening up.
Grief has its own time, it isn't quick and can be a slow process, give it all the time you need because that's something we can never rush.
Talk to your doctor and if suggested have some grieve counselling because shock can cause a feeling of being low and if this prevails then depression may form, again my most sincere apologies and condolences.
Best wishes.
Geoff.
