Struggling to see the point

[Amiii]

Hi everyone, I’m writing because I’m really struggling to find the point of anything. I feel like nobody I know is truly happy. This includes the people in my family, at work and the people at my uni. I kind of hate being at home because my parents can’t seem to go a day without complaining or having an argument with each other. I know that unfortunately when people are unhappy they tend to be mean and rude. Some people at my uni that I’m “friends” with have sometimes been rude and treated me in a way that I know I don’t deserve. It then is just hard to come home and have to deal with with my family. Sometimes it can be really bad and others it’s ok but it never feels great to be home, I’m usually anxious because I’m just waiting for something to go wrong like it usually does. I’m sure all of their issues are worse than mine but I’m always the one caught in the middle, either trying to ignore the fights between my parents and sister or be on the phone begging my mother to come home because she is fighting with my dad. I am a big believer in ‘being the change you want to see in the world’, so I always try and be kind to people and am willing to help ( which may be a reason I get stepped on a lot of the time) however I still just keep feeling like I’m worthless and start to struggle seeing the point of anything, especially living like this where I feel like so many people are unhappy or rude, and where I always feel alone in my head. I really try to see the best in things and I know I just have to wait and things will get better but I’m just sick of feeling like this and crying so often. I also struggle quit a bit with anxiety so things do seem twice as hard to to do in general.
I know there are good people out there, and I am so incredibly thankful when I do come across them but it doesn’t stop everything from just seeming so hard, even the simplest of things. I’m always so tried and just wondering what I am really doing and what is the point.

[quirkywords]

Amiii

Welcome to the forum and well done for starting your own thread. This community is full of kind, caring, friendly and supportive people.

I can see how frustrating you find things when you try hard to be kind to others but they treat you in a rude or mean way.

I can relate to that sense of tiredness and asking questions about life.

I am wondering if you have spoken to your doctor or a counsellor about how you feel. Have you felt like this recently or for quite a long time?

I can understand how confusing it is when everything feels so hard even the easy things.

You seem like a very sensitive person who thinks about things and reflects about the big issues.

Thanks for making this post.

Feel free to make as many posts as you like.

Quirky

[Amiii]

Hi Quirky,
I really appreciate your reply. And its nice to know that someone can understand. I don’t really feel like talking to a doctor or councillor is an option that I have. Even if I did it really terrifies me to do so.

I believe I’ve felt this for quite a while now, when I was in school I remember thinking that once I finish, things will change and get better but it hasn’t.
Its been hard living in a house where everyone is angry or in pain. I’m the youngest in my family but am always trying to make others feel better and pick up the pieces. Sometimes I just get so tired that I fell like I can’t keep going. In terms of how I am treated at home and at uni, I feel like I can trust my judgement on whether I’m being overly sensitive or not because I do always think things over and bring things into perspective.

I never really feel like there is anyone that cares to listen to me and I question why I deserve to be heard in the first place. People say things get better but how long am I supposed to wait? I don’t feel like I can keep living with the feelings and scrabble in my head and I don’t want to keep living in a way were I dread each new week.

Thankyou for a least reading what I have to say, it helps me believe there are people that will take the time to care.