Feeling overwhelmingly alone, sad, and scared for my future.

[_lonelygirl]

Hi All,

This is my first time posting so please bare with me as I explain a little awkwardly about my situation.

I am a 23 year old female, who has a loving boyfriend of 4 years, and supportive family. I have spent many years abroad backpacking/working, and consider myself generally a happy person.

Recently, I decided it was time to start a career. I chose my field, horticulture, and began an apprenticeship. The first year was amazing as I had a supportive manager and he was able to coach me through the industry and made everything seem fun and enjoyable. But when he left in January I was placed with a new boss, and he has been anything but supportive or helpful. Over the last year, he gave me more responsibilities in the workplace that I wasn't trained for, and has done nothing but criticise me, yell at me and has treated me very inappropriately (imagine, all the regular stigma surrounding Australian apprentices, then throw in the fact that I am young and female, and he is a 63 year old male) I have been verbally abused, overworked, manipulated and sexually harassed in the workplace, and the HR team has only just begun doing something about it.

As a result of all the new stress and anxiety I have for going into work, I have been feeling overwhelmingly alone, sad, and scared for my future. Most nights I am alone, I just sit and cry and then try to sleep. I have lost weight due to the stress of having to face my boss each day, andI have lost friends because whenever I see them I just seem to be negative and upset.

My partner is amazing and loves me i know but he just doesn't understand what I am going through, and I can feel myself pushing him away because I don't want to rub all my negativity and bad thoughts onto him too.

I guess I am lost, I don't know how to cope with my workload, study and social life. It all seems like it's just too much. The thought of leaving my job sickens me as it is a difficult industry to find an apprenticeship in, and the future scares me.

I suppose that is all. I just want to go back to that happy person that I was, I want that passion back in my life and I want my voice to be heard before I spiral even further down this depressive rabbit hole.

Thanks to whoever might read this, I wish I could find some help 😞

[PamelaR]

Hi Lonelygirl and welcome to Beyond Blue forums.

Sorry for such a very late response to your post.

Life sounds incredibly hard for you at the moment. Being sexually harassed and bullied in the workplace is just not on these day. It’s good to hear your HR is taking action. Good on you.

I realise the stress of change of bosses, the sexual harassment would be enough to trigger your anxiety and stress. Was there been anything else that’s happened?

It takes time to recover from a trigger such as you’ve had. I’m one who has PTSD, anxiety and depression. The best helpers for me have been - doctor, psychologist, my hubby. Do you have a doctor or health professional that you see?

There are a range of other things I do when triggered and my anxiety starts going through the roof. You can find a lot of tools on the threads to help calm you. If you want, or if you’re up to it, have a look at the - Tips for Managing Anxiety in the Anxiety forum. Do a search in the BB search field located at the top of the page.

Just another though for you - with all the amazing things you’ve done in your early life, e.g. backpacking etc. Life must be feeling a little mundane at the moment. From experience, being bored with what’s happening in one’s life can set off depression. That’s happened to me. You might find you’ll need something to keep your mind and body active. What do you think?

Hope some of this helps Lonelygirl. Once again sorry for such a late response.

Kind regards
PamelaR