Hi Will
I can only speak of the depression side of things, as I personally haven't experienced the challenges of anxiety: Sometimes it's a bit of a chicken and egg thing - which came first - a change in feelings or a change in chemistry (in the brain). Sounds like more of a chemistry thing, seeing you're saying you don't want to be around anyone and it's not just about your partner. As you would know, chemistry definitely changes our overall perception of life.
It's good your partner knows about your challenges, so she's less likely to take things personally. She sounds very understanding and supportive. It's important that you both acknowledge the change in energy that happens in a depression. I know it sounds a little simplistic but when our internal energy changes so do the energetic connections we have with other people. For example, when we're on a high, we can be social butterflies and when we're stuck in a low we can become recluses. Depression produces some pretty low energy characteristics - lethargy, sadness, low self-esteem, disconnectedness, anger (as opposed to creative resolution) and so on. We can be left feeling the energy in motion factors whether the levels are high or low.
You sound very in touch with the way your brain works, considering you are seeking ways to manage it and not just accept defeat in this particular battle. The fact that you suspect that your feelings are not real (not the real you) indicates you have a great sense of consciousness. With 'control' defined as 'effective management', I'm wondering whether you have an anxiety management plan in order to regain control of things. With your train of thought being on full speed, with work and the move, do you have ways to slow it down? Also wondering what impact the anxiety and depression is having on your energy (you mention you feel exhausted). Amazing how mental dis-ease or unease can impact the whole body, like with creating knots in the stomach and overall exhaustion. With your brain and body doing its 'energy/chemistry thing', without your permission, there can be a sense of helplessness.
Slowing down the energy/chemistry or ramping it up in other creative areas of life could be a consideration. Shifting focus or creating distraction can also alter things. Seeking counsel in helping you manage is another consideration. Sometimes it's simply about 'riding the wave' until it passes, all the while keeping in mind that your chemistry does not define you.
Take care Will
