I’m gay and my boyfriend isn’t invited to a family members wedding

NickP21 · ‎14-08-2018

I’ve been in a gay relationship with my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half now.

My uncle is getting married soon and it’s meant to be an exciting time. I was invited to the bucks party which I said yes to.

Two weeks later and I got my invitation which had my name on it but didn’t contain my partners name on it. I went on assuming that he would be invited and so I put his name down on the rsvp.

i got a call from my uncle 2 days later telling me that my boyfriend wasn’t actually invited and that it was inappropriate that I put his name down.

I could understand if my sisters boyfriend wasn’t invited also that it would be a more intimate wedding. But my sister confirmed that her boyfriend was invited and would be going.

I have since decided that I would pull out from going to the bucks party and I sent my uncle a message simply saying that I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to his bucks party now but would still attend the wedding.

My problem is that it’s been said to me that somehow my sisters relationship is more legitimate than mine.

Is there a way of bringing up the issue of these feelings with my uncle and my family without creating a great division? Should I still go to the wedding? I feel I may go to the wedding but that I don’t want to try to extend on my relationship to my uncle because of this.

Any my advice would really help.

nick

quirkywords · ‎14-08-2018

Welcome Nick to the forum.

I naively thought with marriage equality finally legalised in Australia that dilemma's such as yours would no longer exist.

Has your uncle said to you exactly why your partner is not invited ? It seems it is not about the number of people if your sisters boyfriend was invited.

I am sad that people would still discriminate. Does your boyfriend know he is not invited.?

It is up to you and your boyfriend if you go. Some people would not want to go to a wedding where their partner was not invited. I think you need to discuss it with your boyfriend, and also explain to your uncle if you decide not to go , as to why you are not going.

I am sure others will have other suggestions.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Quirky

therising · ‎14-08-2018

Hi Nick

It's definitely a tough one for you, with the divided loyalty factor coming into play. Not sure if you feel like you would be facing a sense of guilt over your final decision but just in case guilt is one of the factors at play here, I offer the following...

Personally, when it comes to dealing with any potential guilt in life, I ask myself one simple question and that is 'Who do I want to be?' Typically, I find the answer which alleviates the guilt is the right answer for me. I try seeing the guilt thing as a positive, like a compass pointing me in the right direction when it comes to being true to myself. In your case, I may say to myself 'I want to be someone who shares joyous occasions with my partner. I want to be someone who honors the celebration of marriage, my uncle's marriage.' I may decide to celebrate my uncles marriage with my partner, with the 2 of us going out together and clinking glasses, as a cheers, over a beautiful meal. I can still have my (wedding) cake and eat it too, so to speak. If my uncle was disappointed over my choice in how to celebrate, my response may be 'No matter how you feel about my relationship, I still celebrate yours.' It's an outside the square sort of thing but I'm an outside the square sort of gal at times.

Wondering how your partner feels about what is happening and whether he wants you to go to the wedding. Of course, this scenario would make it a relatively straight forward decision to a degree.

No matter what Nick, I believe remaining true to yourself is most important. Being in what's regarded as a 'typical' marriage, I can't begin to imagine the challenges you have already faced when it comes to people judging your relationship. I admire you greatly for your courage and conviction in regard to honoring your most authentic self. Do not lose sight of who you are simply because others have been conditioned to believe what is 'right' in their mind. Consider this situation you are in as yet another challenge in how you wish to identify yourself. Be careful in identifying and choosing the best version of you.

Take care of yourself Nick