I'm stuck and I can't move.

Noodewsoup · ‎04-07-2018

hey. I'm extremely new to this but I have nowhere else to turn to and I'm scared. I won't go on a massive monologue about my life so to keep things short I'm extremely lonely, lost, stuck and everything feels like its crumbling apart while I'm curled up on my bed being hit by the debris. The people around me have given up helping me, I'm being relentlessly bullied by those I thought cared about me and I'm running out of options fast. I want to go to a professional and talk to them one on one but my family has strong beliefs against mental health and expect me to just push through eventually. I can't, this constant numbing feeling and anxiety has been going on for too long.

The expectations placed on me are so heavy on my shoulder I can physically feel them pressing me down day after day after day. Any advice/ conversation with someone would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry if this post is too confusing/vague but I'm still struggling to understand my problem as well after years.

Thanks.

MsPurple · ‎04-07-2018

Hi Noodewsoup and welcome to the forums

Sorry to hear you are struggling and feel alone at the moment. It is good you are open to getting professional help. That part took me a long time. I am sad your parents are not supportive of you getting help for your mental health. I think it is just a lack of understanding regarding this. I hope they will come around on this.

Can I ask, how old are you? I ask because I am wondering if you are still at school or under 25? At school you could see the school counsellor. You could also go to headspace. It is a youth mental health service. It is a free service for people 12-25. If you are over 16 you don't need your parents to take you, just your medicare card (you can apply for your own over 16, which is what I did). They also have an online service. Maybe check them out online and see where it goes. If you are over 25 you could go to your gp and ask for a referal to a psychologist. You don't have to tell your family. You have to look after your mental health first.

Noodewsoup · ‎08-07-2018

Hey MsPurple,

Thanks so much for your advice. I'm currently 15 and I have gone to the school counsellor twice after much hesitation. I thought it was alright but I'm forced to with hold a lot of information from them because the things that I deal with at home and in my head are pretty dark and I don't think it's appropriate for a school counsellor.

I think I'm going to have to wait until I'm 16. I'm just scared I won't be able to last that long. In the end I just want to know what's wrong with me.

Again, thank you so much for your advice, I'll be forever grateful.

Noodewsoup.

MsPurple · ‎08-07-2018

HI Noodewsoup

thanks for coming back. I like it when I can get some follow up. Makes me realise that people read and get some help.

I think you discuss intrusive thoughts with you. Not sure if this is happening to you but it is a good thing to know as it is very common and unfortunately not really talked about. I thought I should discuss it just incase these are the thoughts you are worried about discussing with your school counsellor about. I am quoting parts of wiki here just because it had the simplest definition 'An intrusive thought is an unwelcome involuntary thought, image, or unpleasant idea that may become an obsession, is upsetting or distressing, and can feel difficult to manage or eliminate. The thoughts may become paralyzing, anxiety-provoking, or persistent. Intrusive thoughts may also be associated with episodic memory, unwanted worries or memories. Intrusive thoughts, urges, and images are of inappropriate things at inappropriate times, and generally have aggressive, sexual, or blasphemous themes' (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought). I was having a lot of intrusive thoughts. I these were thoughts I couldn't control and were a bit disturbing. I would never act on them, but I felt like something was wrong by having them.

I know it maybe hard to wait till you are 16 to get therapy. Maybe you should go on eheadspace and send them an email/chat/phone call with them regarding if you could see them before 16 without parents input. They would have more knowledge on this and would be able to help you out more personally. I think it is a good idea to see someone before 16, because I know how hard it is to deal with mental health issues and it is something I found easier to deal with getting help sooner rather than later. You can talk to your parents and disucss with them you going to headspace. You just need to ask them for your medicare card. Now even if you are under 16 confidentiality is still in place. They can not tell your parents anything that you are not comfortable with. I had to see someone before I was 16 as well and they never told my parents anything without my permission.

Hope this was helpful

White_Rose · ‎08-07-2018

Dear Noodewsoup

Hello and welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear you are in such a dark place. I hope we can help you.

Your school counsellor must keep everything you say confidential. The only exception is if you say you are going to harm yourself then the counsellor has a duty of care to take action. I thought I would get that out of the way at the start.

You can apply for your own Medicare card at 15. You can also make appointments to see your GP without informing your parents and your GP must respect that. What is said is between you and the GP only. There is the question of the fee to be paid. I think most GPs charge only the bulk billing amount for young people but check this out with the practice first.

How long have you been feeling this way? You definitely need support. I see Ms Purple has given you a suggestion. I will add the Kids Helpline which has a 24/7 help phone 1800 55 1800. The web address is www.kidshelpline.com.au They help people from age 12-25 and offer lots of support. I suggest you check out the website.

Hope that helps with additional options. Please continue to post here.

Mary

Noodewsoup · ‎12-08-2018

Hi MsPurple,

It's been too long since I've been on this site and I apologise, too much has happened and I needed to take a breather from the internet. I managed to have a serious discussion with my parents and guess what? They're allowing me to see a psychologist! Woop! They sat me down and said they were concerned about my wellbeing but they were trying to convince me it was because of hormones and puberty, I appreciate their concern for me though but I know they're still struggling with this whole debacle. The thoughts haven't exactly gone away or quietened down, I'm pretty sure they've gotten worse. It's still this constant screaming match in my head but I'm going to have to get used to them eventually, right?

Everything's all over the place right now but I have to thank you so much for just replying to my post, it's so freaking nice to know that there's someone out there who was willing to spend a bit of their time to deal with me. It's also nice to know that intrusive thoughts are common, it's reassuring to know I haven't gone insane. Anyways, I have to thank you once again for the reply.

Kind regards,

Noodewsoup.

Noodewsoup · ‎12-08-2018

Hey White Rose,

Thank you so damn much for your reply. It's so cliche and typical of me to just say it's uplifting to receive a reply but it really is encouraging. I attempted calling KidsHelpline but every time I just backed out before anyone could answer. Pretty cowardly of me, I know. I just think there are a lot of people with issues out there and mine just aren't that worthy of anyone's time. I think I'm just a typical teen with some typical problems and I want to escalate them so I seem more important. My parents have allowed me to see a psychologist whenever I want to so I guess time will tell if I have any actual issues.

Again, your reply is much appreciated and I'm so sorry for this late reply.

SIncerely,

Noodewsoup.

MsPurple · ‎14-08-2018

Hi Noodewsoup and thanks for coming back and letting us know how you are getting along. I also want to commend you for having time off the internet as required. I know myself I have had to do the same thing, so it is good you knew when you needed a break.

I am glad your parents allowed you to see someone. I think your parents maybe in denial or have hesitation because they may be worried it won't go away. around 1-4 adults (even 1 in 2) will be affected personally with mental illness. Does that mean 1-2 have a mental illness at this moment? NO. Some people only have it for a period of time (e.g. post natal etc). It is something you can get help with, overcome and manage. Not everyone has a chronic (long-term, and life long) mental illness. It is no longer as big a stigma as it used to be. Some people view mental illness like one flew over the coccos nest (good movie), but it is not like that anymore.

Have you seen someone yet? Did it go well. If you have any questions feel free to ask me 🙂 I am proud you had that talk with your parents. I know how difficult it is.

White_Rose · ‎15-08-2018

Hello Noodewsoup

Thanks for your reply. There is never a need to apologise for staying away for a time. We all approach our various difficulties differently and in the way it best suits us. I have posted on the forum irregularly in the past few weeks as I had some surgery a couple of weeks ago. All good now, just catching my breath before I get going again. It is common to drop out for a short time. Please come back though.

I am sorry you were unable to chat to the Kids Helpline people. I know how hard it can be to take that first step and you have at least dialled the number. Perhaps you can try again because it is helpful to have an immediate someone to talk to when you feel down. No need to worry they will dismiss your feelings and concerns as general growing up. They do understand teenagers.

It's great news that you can see a psychologist. Ask your GP for a referral and ask for someone who has experience with teenagers. It makes a difference when talking to them. You said in one post that you had spoken to a school counsellor but kept some things back about your home life as it was inappropriate for a school counsellor. Please do not hold back with the psychologist. They can only work on what they are told though some are very cluey and can make connections. Being open is the best way forward although you may want to take things slowly until you are comfortable talking to the psych.

I want to comment on your idea that you are not as worthy as others. I just think there are a lot of people with issues out there and mine just aren't that worthy of anyone's time. Everyone is worthy of help. One of my most frequent comments is to say there is no hierarchy of need. No matter what ails you I expect you could find someone who appears to have it worse. 'Appears' is the word. We all manage our problems differently and what is end of the world stuff for one person is minor to others. So remember you and your difficulties and concerns need help to get well just as much as anyone else.

Please remember you are a worthwhile person.

Mary