Social Isolation, University Worries, mental state gradually getting worse

[JWolf17]

Hey everyone. I'm a 20 year old male university student. I figured I needed to get this out somewhere.

Since beginning university a couple of years ago, I've gradually become more and more socially isolated, and my mental state has been getting worse. I wasn't hugely popular back in high school, but I had a good circle of 5 close friends, and was friends with a lot of other people as well. As time has gone on in university, I've drifted away from all of them. Right now I only keep in regular contact with one friend, who moved away to another state at the beginning of this year. It's been several months since I've had a face to face conversation with a friend. I feel awkward about trying to message any of my previous friends. They haven't made any effort to reach out to me, and I know they're all still in contact with each other. I don't want to force my way in if I'm not wanted, and I'm not sure I could cope if I they ended up rejecting me.

I haven't made any new friends in my time at university as well. I've never been a socially confident person, and having not made any friends in several years has reinforced the negative thoughts I have about my own social ability. I've never had the confidence to meet new people because of fear of rejection. I don't want to feel like I'm imposing myself where I'm not wanted. I'm well aware that I'm isolating myself in order to prevent any negative experiences. I want to change this but I don't know how.

The last 2 years have really taken a toll on my mental health. Along with the isolation, I've struggled with anxiety surrounding university. I've struggled to keep up with the work, at times skipping classes out of embarrassment of being behind on projects. I've become pretty depressed as well. My social situation, the ongoing struggles at uni and the feeling that I don't have a positive impact on anyone's life have caused me to have a very low sense of self-worth. I really don't like myself right now, and it has a significant impact on my motivation and energy.

I figure seeing a therapist would probably be the best way to start fighting against these issues, but that's a step I'm not comfortable with taking, because I'm not comfortable with my family knowing about these issues. I feel uncomfortable and pressured around them as it is. Having them know that I'm anxious and depressed would just make me feel more uncomfortable around them.

If you've read this, thanks. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Pixie15]

Hello JWolf17,

I am not a young person although I wish sometimes I was. I am a university student and as a mature age student and a anxiety sufferer have personal experience of feeling like an outsider. One thing I have come to understand from my own perspective is the more I give in to feeling anxious the more trouble it causes me.

Your university will have student advisors and therapists to help. You would just need to make an appointment to talk to someone. Anxiety can make it very difficult to ask for help however you do deserve it. Your family do not need to know. It will be up to you to tell them if and when you want to.

[Croix]

Dear JWolf17~

Thank you for your post. I get the impression you have plenty of insight and know the causes of your isolation and also really the first step in fixing it.

Going to uni is in itself a pretty stressful thing. As you have discovered you leave behind the friends and familiar supporting environment of school and are lumped into a strange situation where you are most often on your own and have to rely upon your own resources. Also the stakes may seem higher, with that degree seeming all important.

Let's leave family to one side at the moment. If anxiety in general and in social situations is making your life hard then you do need professional support. I for example was simply incapable of improving until this happened -in fact I kept getting worse. The good news is that most anxiety conditions respond very well to treatment and life can get immeasurably better.

There are several avenues open to you. As Pixie15 said there may be help facilities at the uni, maybe starting whit a student councilor and seeing what they recommend. Their role does change between unis and some arrange treatment, others do not.

As you are under 25 you can contact by phone or chat-line your local Headspace (1800 650 890) or Kid's Help Line (1800 55 1800), both of whom have a very professional approach and are used to dealing with situations like yours.

You can of course contact a GP directly.

Apart from medical help I would thank there are things you can do in your university life to promote social interaction. If you look at the Student Union they will have lists of groups that get together for all sorts of activities, from sports to book-reading. Joining groups is a good way to get to know other people in an situation that does not over-emphasize the social side.

I'd like it if you were able to come back and talk more.

Croix

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi JWolf, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. University is a really stressful time (I'm currently feeling it too) and it's not hard keeping up with the work load, so you're not alone in feeling that way. I think it would be worth messaging one of your old friends to see if they'd like to catch up for a coffee. You could mention that you know you haven't been as close lately but would like to start seeing them again. Rejection does hurt but you would move on if they did reject you, and I think in this situation the benefits outweigh the cons. That being said, it's completely up to you. At my university there's a lot of societies and clubs, have you thought about joining one of those? Most of my friends I have from uni are from that. Or people in your tutorials/lectures? I think seeing a psychologist/counsellor would really benefit you, is there a way for you to visit your GP without your parents finding out? I ask that because you could see a psychologist that could help you, but also at a lot of universities there's a program called Disability Services and they really look after people with anxiety/depression. You do usually have to see a doctor to organise this though. They give you special considerations, extensions if you need it, extra time in exams etc and it can be really helpful if you're struggling. Otherwise, perhaps you could ring Kids Help Line or organise an appointment with a HeadSpace counsellor which will be free and something you could do without your parents finding out. Please write back soon and let us know how you're going. J.