I want to be my old happy self again

[AutumnRose]

It’s never been this bad. The past two months that is. So I’ve talked to one friend, and she’s been really considerate and helpful. I haven’t told anyone how I felt about everything except her. We spent one afternoon for me to explain myself, and I couldn’t do it, not well enough for her to understand. After that day, I’ve been keeping everything to myself again.

I’m 16, and I’ve just moved to a new school this year. I’ve been feeling detached, and just not how I normally am. I normally am up for everything, encouraging and I’m a good listener.

These months I’ve never felt so lost and clueless. It’s like I can’t find the right path to travel in. I don’t speak my feelings outright and just let my friends talk about their life. But I don’t remember anything anymore. I really enjoy reading, but sometimes it is beginning to become difficult to concentrate. I feel like I can’t move and have no motivation to do so.

I can’t rely on that one friend all the time, because she too has her own problems. And I don’t want to burden my other friends with this sort of sadness I feel constantly. I don’t know how to tell my mother. There are times where she talks to me and I boil up inside. I don’t know what’s wrong, and I can’t shake it away. I just want to be my happy go lucky self again.

[MsPurple]

HI AutumnRose

Sorry I have taken so long to find this post. I have been out most of yesterday so didn't go onto the forum. Usually people reply within a few hours but unfortunatley as a peer based forum sometimes some fall through the cracks. Now that I have found this post and replied it won't fall under the cracks again as it will be under the 'my threads' tab which I check more often 🙂

I am glad you have come on the forums to ask for support. When I was your age (I am now 26) I struggled to open up to people. Like you I was young when first exposed to anxiety/depression/over stress. I was lucky to have a supportive family who took me to a psychologist (then I had an ED). As helpful as my family (and close friends) were, like you, I was worried I would be a burden. I found seeing someone really helpful as this is what they signed up for when choosing to study psychology. This is their passion. To help people going through a tough time. There is no shame asking for help. Unfortunately when I moved out of home I thought I could do it alone, and I got unwell again. But I am back on the straight and narrow and now get support

When I was at Uni and unwell with GAD (I didn't know I had it then) I found a local headspace centre. It is the youth national mental health service. It is free (or low cost if you see some psychiatrists there). I found the environment very welcoming and all the staff are there to help youth with mental health, so you feel very comfortable. They also have an online service if there is no local centre of if you are not wanting to go in (www.headspace.org.au). You could also see your GP and get a referal to a psychologist. NOw that you are 16 you don't have to have a parent come with you, but you can if you choose.

HOpe this was helpful. If you have any questions please feel free to shoot through any questions

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Autumn, sorry to hear how you're feeling. I think when you have a big change like going to a new school it can be difficult and things can feel different. As MsPurple said you can definitely speak to a counsellor at Headspace without your parents knowing or perhaps Kids Help Line (1800551800) or Lifeline 131114. If you don't feel safe telling your mother there are plenty of options, I just want you to know. If you've been feeling this way for a while and it doesn't feel like a passing feeling you can reach out and ask for help. There's this really good app if you have a smart phone or Ipad it's called 'Booster Buddy'. I would really recommend it. I'm sure your friends would want to know how you're feeling and that you wouldn't be burdening them by letting them know how've you been. I've been where you are and want to let you know you will get your happy go lucky self back, you will be happy again and everything will be okay. Trust me.

[AutumnRose]

Thank you MsPurple. You’ve been really inciting. I’m not normally open with my parents, I know it’s getting worse, and I want to confront them. I don’t know how though, or where to start.

[White_Rose]

Dear Autumn Rose

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue.You can write about yourself and your difficulties here without being afraid. No one knows who you are and it will stay that way.

At the top of the page is a drop down list under The Facts. I suggest you have a look at the topics such as depression and see what information is useful to you. You can download much of this information to read at your leisure. There is also information for family and friends about depression. Ask BB to send you what you want, there is no charge. Perhaps you can give these booklets to your mom or leave them where they can be found. It may be a way for you and your mom to start talking.

Starting at a new school when everyone else has been there a while is tough. Everyone else knows their way round but you can feel lost. It's also hard to make new friends. You mention a friend, is she from your new school or your previous school?

Does your school have a chaplain or counsellor you can talk to? These people are not allowed to talk to your parents unless you are in danger and I believe this is not the case here. Have a chat with them about why you feel so uncomfortable, they can help more directly.

Another option if there is no chaplain is to see your GP which you can do on your own as Ms Purple says. I think many GPs will bulk bill school students. Sometimes it can be hard to start talking to someone you don't know very well so I suggest you copy and print off your post above, or copy the whole thread and print it to give to your GP or chaplain. These people are skilled in this area and can offer help.

Try Headspace, https://headspace.org.au/ ph: 1800 650 890 available 24/7 or

Kidshelpline https://kidshelpline.com.au/ Ph: 1800 151 1800 available 24/7

Mary