School related stress

[Dejena]

Hi, i would like start of by saying, i dont know what im doing. i dont even know where to start because of how overwheamed i feel. how to i express my feelings without complaning? i dont want to compalian. so, its currently 4:33 AM and am trying to do homeowork. You may be wondering why? why at this time? well, i will tell you. its becuase the day is not for me. do u know why? its because during the day the house is loud. if i wear my headphones my ears will hurt and i will get fustrated at the noise. i also need to do chores. i dont know what im even saying. i dont even know why im writing and posting this. this just sounds silly. you know, i went to the doctor becuase my chest was hurting, and they said it was becuase of panic attacks, and that i was shaking, high blood pressure, and heart beating fast. but now im wondering if the doctor was wrong, what if it wasnt because of stress? what if it was becaue of the mask i wore for hours at school, not compaing for wearing a mask by the way. During the day my family will come into my room and intrupt me, while i try and do homework. sometimes i fell bad for taking long oding homework, and i wonder if im actullay learning something. i feel like im not good enough. if i go to the libray my parens will be annoyed at the face they have to pick me up and drop me off. i am doing 3 science subjects. i dont really like phyics or doing particularlly well it in it, so i want to change it do HHD, but then there is something in me, saying what if i will able to do phyics and not fail, and if i drop phyicis that not good enough, im not good enough, i am worthless. at the same time i dont like phyics. IDK. tell me, am i overreacting. You know, after that doctors apointment, i cried in the car, while my dad was in it, because i felt like i was crazy and out of control. alsot the doc said i was skinny, hoever i have allways been ksinny, no matter how much i eat i dont gain weight and i also look younger than i really am. when i have a break from doing homeowrk, i struggleto go back to my desk and get going with it after my break, i stat to procarte and how longer breaks. after i do chores, i dont feel lie doing homework sometiemes. idk if its sbecause maybe i found doing the chores as a btter option than doing homeowkrk. i feel out of control. its currently 4:50 AM. what has my life become? idk?

[Here2Talk]

p.s., in regards to reading through, sometimes it can still be good to read through a story and get the gist of it, the general meaning, even if you don't understand some stuff.

[Dejena]

Also, you seem afraid of talking to the pathways team, and what they may think of you. Would you like to talk about this more?

well, i actullay went to them last year and asked if i could change it to psychology, but they said it was full. i could have told them to change it to something else, but i didnt. i told them why i choose physics in the first place: beacuse i thouht i needed it to become a eye doctor. she said i didnt need it and sked who told me that. thats embarassing.

i actually dont really know what i want to beome in the future, i think a eye doctor. but i dont know.

i wanted to cry while i was talking to them. lol. i was nervous.

[Dejena]

im trying to study and my chest hurts, dont know what to do anymore

[Here2Talk]

Do you still want to be an eye doctor? It’s interesting that you don’t need physics for that. Quite often we are mistaken - eg thinking you need physics for that later course of study. There’s so much information out there in the world that it’s easy for anyone - myself included - to be incorrect about things. But I think it’s fine to be mistaken. Now you know. Were you embarrassed because of the way they acted toward you? Some people are not as sensitive as they should be.

What kind of environment are you trying to study in? Were you up early again before school?

[Here2Talk]

You may wish to try a mindfulness meditation, which may be calming. There’s a cool app called Headspace, which has some free content you could try to get started. Let me know if you want to talk about that further.

Also, I noticed how the face your parents make when they pick you up from the library troubles you, and also the interaction with the pathways team... Does it often seem to you like people are annoyed or judgemental?

[Dejena]

i didnt sleep

[Here2Talk]

Dejena it would probably be of benefit for you to talk to someone properly face to face, it really seems like you have a lot of anxiety. Keep talking to me as long as you want though.

Sorry, I missed that you said you don’t know if you still want to become an eye doctor. Its alright if you don’t know what you want to do yet. For the most part that can be figured out in your own time. It seems like two obstacles in front of you at the moment are deciding whether or not to change subjects, and how to cope with the study load. Is that something you’d like to talk about to try and problem solve?

[Dejena]

you think i have a lot of anxiety. i think other hhave higher. mine istn that bad

'Keep talking to me as long as you want though' thank you

i just finihsed my re sit test fot physics. i think i did better than last time. but maybe i failed. there is a possibility that i failed maybe. the passing mark is 40%. its pretty low. if i pass with the test with 40% that is good enough. at least i passed.

should i stay up everytday. the olnty time it os qquite is at night. i do kinda feel weridfdoung homework at night. its not a noraml thing to do right? have u heard of anyone that doesn homework at night instaed of sleeping becuae o fthe noise durin the day? io? its only me that is crazy?

[Dejena]

for you to talk to someone properly face to face your saying? like who? my mum?

[Dejena]

im sorry if i sound mad. sorry if i sunded rude. plase forgive me