School related stress

[Dejena]

Hi, i would like start of by saying, i dont know what im doing. i dont even know where to start because of how overwheamed i feel. how to i express my feelings without complaning? i dont want to compalian. so, its currently 4:33 AM and am trying to do homeowork. You may be wondering why? why at this time? well, i will tell you. its becuase the day is not for me. do u know why? its because during the day the house is loud. if i wear my headphones my ears will hurt and i will get fustrated at the noise. i also need to do chores. i dont know what im even saying. i dont even know why im writing and posting this. this just sounds silly. you know, i went to the doctor becuase my chest was hurting, and they said it was becuase of panic attacks, and that i was shaking, high blood pressure, and heart beating fast. but now im wondering if the doctor was wrong, what if it wasnt because of stress? what if it was becaue of the mask i wore for hours at school, not compaing for wearing a mask by the way. During the day my family will come into my room and intrupt me, while i try and do homework. sometimes i fell bad for taking long oding homework, and i wonder if im actullay learning something. i feel like im not good enough. if i go to the libray my parens will be annoyed at the face they have to pick me up and drop me off. i am doing 3 science subjects. i dont really like phyics or doing particularlly well it in it, so i want to change it do HHD, but then there is something in me, saying what if i will able to do phyics and not fail, and if i drop phyicis that not good enough, im not good enough, i am worthless. at the same time i dont like phyics. IDK. tell me, am i overreacting. You know, after that doctors apointment, i cried in the car, while my dad was in it, because i felt like i was crazy and out of control. alsot the doc said i was skinny, hoever i have allways been ksinny, no matter how much i eat i dont gain weight and i also look younger than i really am. when i have a break from doing homeowrk, i struggleto go back to my desk and get going with it after my break, i stat to procarte and how longer breaks. after i do chores, i dont feel lie doing homework sometiemes. idk if its sbecause maybe i found doing the chores as a btter option than doing homeowkrk. i feel out of control. its currently 4:50 AM. what has my life become? idk?

[Dejena]

I told my one of my friend that I failed English on messenger, and she didn't seem to care. Kind of hurts

[Dejena]

Thank u for replying

[Here2Talk]

You are welcome 🙂 I saw your other post, but didn’t reply because I thought you might want other people to talk instead - did anyone? I can’t find it now.

That must hurt that your friend didn’t care. I’m sorry. I care. How are you feeling about it all?

[Dejena]

I feel lost. I don't know what im doing because I keep saying I will go and study, but I don't. I am full of lies.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Dejena, 

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. We can see there is a heap of community support here for you and we don't want to get in the way of that but want to suggest a few things that might behelpful. 

We think that a call to the Beyond Blue phoneline or Kids Helpline would be a great thing to do today if you can. Or, checking out the webchats would be great too - we have got all the details below. 

We also wanted to jump in and say how impressed we are that you are seeking out support, this is such a great skill to have and thank you for showing so much courage. We hope you can start to feel better soon 🙂

Phoneline
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
LifeLine 13 11 14
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

Webchat
Kids Helpline 
BeyondBlue 

Thanks again Dejena, and please feel free to drop back in and let us know how it all goes. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[UltimaMic]

Hi Dejena,

I have been a student and am currently a student - from my personal experience I can say if you have a mental health condition it can be very hard to focus on study. Its hard enough for those who do not have any mental health concerns!

I think we need to identify where this lack of motivation is coming from - you described some situational factors where you feel comfortable studying - the library instead of home? I sounds like home is not condusive to your focus? The forum community might be able to offer more specific advise if they know whether its because of interpersonal relationships with family members at home or if it is more to do with distractions like computers, tv and social media?

When it comes to mental health issues like anxiety it is good to get a professional opinion on whether this is impacting your study. Services like Headspace 18-25year specific mental health providers are in many places and are tailored to helping those in that age bracket in dealing with life and mental health challenges. I know I would have loved to use them to help me but they were not around in my time.

If you feel uncomfortable about talking to your Mum about issues you have its good you have felt comfortable to share you concerns here - but also I hope a friend might lend an ear. Also I am wondering if your school/uni has a wellbeing clinic - these are also places that have many resources to help students with challenges.

Anyways I hope you keep well 🙂

[Here2Talk]

You are experiencing a lot of distress Dejena. I can tell by the way you seem to be flipping back and forth between things. You might have wanted to tell your mum and then you didn’t, you were alright then not then alright again then not again... I hope it is clear that I say this lovingly, and that I know what it’s like to feel okay then awful and like I hate myself, over and over on a loop.

when it got intense for me was mid high school, off and on constantly for the last 15 years.... Schoolwork was my earliest bad trigger and continuing study continues to be my biggest now... but I have managed to deal with it somehow with lots of deep conversation between close confidants and psychologists..

I’d never want to tell you or anyone else what you “must” do, but I feel obliged to offer my perception that this has been really tough on you continuously and i urge you to get help - with your anxiety, with your studies, with whatever life guidance will help you to live a life you enjoy.

I know people (myself included) have been throwing heaps of suggestions at you.... Many of these are good... I understand that trying to help someone too much when they’re anxious is overwhelming, but if there’s ever a suggestion from people here, or even in your personal life that you feel you could take up, I wish for you to be granted the courage to do so...

Instead of telling more stuff, I guess I could ask, Is there anything I could do to help you?

[Guest9337]

G'day Dejena,

Great job posting up your situations here on beyondblue, more heads is better than one.

I had to repeat year 10 because I didn't study the first time around. After that I aced year 10, then year 11. Then didn't do enough study for year 12 and had to repeat that too! All to aim to getting in Uni and I did get into uni after 14 years study primary/secondary.

Didn't end there either, I dropped out of Science degree in second year, for a Maths degree which I dropped out of in third year. Worked for 5 years and came to dislike that too. Took yet another crack at Uni for Computer Science, and failed yet again! Like seriously!

Took me from 1991 to 2019 to achieve one actual degree, like as an academic outcome, a few Tafe Certificates along the way. Life went on in other areas, but academically I reckon I was way way way down. Fought my way through a Bachelor of Educational Studies, but covid arrived and no ceremony, just was posted a piece of shiny signed paper.

Ah well. Got there in the end hey.

Great idea with your headphones are they noise cancelling ones? cause those noise cancelling ones work really well, much better than just normal headphones. For the extremely quiet option go for a closed back circumaural noise cancelling headphone, make sure it's comfortable to wear for hours. However I used Bose QC20 noise cancelling earplugs which worked well. I've been told that Bose do even better ones too, but up there in price. Sennheiser also have a good reputation.

Can your parents afford something like those, or similar, to help your head space for study?

I'm a technology guy, so shiny new "toys" makes me feel better, and that might work for you too.

One thing I have learned is that it is possible to turn year 12 around with dedicated quality effort after the midyear failures.