School related stress

[Dejena]

Hi, i would like start of by saying, i dont know what im doing. i dont even know where to start because of how overwheamed i feel. how to i express my feelings without complaning? i dont want to compalian. so, its currently 4:33 AM and am trying to do homeowork. You may be wondering why? why at this time? well, i will tell you. its becuase the day is not for me. do u know why? its because during the day the house is loud. if i wear my headphones my ears will hurt and i will get fustrated at the noise. i also need to do chores. i dont know what im even saying. i dont even know why im writing and posting this. this just sounds silly. you know, i went to the doctor becuase my chest was hurting, and they said it was becuase of panic attacks, and that i was shaking, high blood pressure, and heart beating fast. but now im wondering if the doctor was wrong, what if it wasnt because of stress? what if it was becaue of the mask i wore for hours at school, not compaing for wearing a mask by the way. During the day my family will come into my room and intrupt me, while i try and do homework. sometimes i fell bad for taking long oding homework, and i wonder if im actullay learning something. i feel like im not good enough. if i go to the libray my parens will be annoyed at the face they have to pick me up and drop me off. i am doing 3 science subjects. i dont really like phyics or doing particularlly well it in it, so i want to change it do HHD, but then there is something in me, saying what if i will able to do phyics and not fail, and if i drop phyicis that not good enough, im not good enough, i am worthless. at the same time i dont like phyics. IDK. tell me, am i overreacting. You know, after that doctors apointment, i cried in the car, while my dad was in it, because i felt like i was crazy and out of control. alsot the doc said i was skinny, hoever i have allways been ksinny, no matter how much i eat i dont gain weight and i also look younger than i really am. when i have a break from doing homeowrk, i struggleto go back to my desk and get going with it after my break, i stat to procarte and how longer breaks. after i do chores, i dont feel lie doing homework sometiemes. idk if its sbecause maybe i found doing the chores as a btter option than doing homeowkrk. i feel out of control. its currently 4:50 AM. what has my life become? idk?

[Dejena]

It's not a new thing. I think I started in 2018. I don't do it for that long and It doesn't hurt.

[Here2Talk]

How have the last two weeks been?

[Dejena]

They have been the same. When I hear a noise I don't like,I start to cry.

[Here2Talk]

Sorry I haven’t replied. Managing work/study/kids has been difficult.

Have you thought about clinical psychologist? Might be really good to have one on one conversation with someone who specialises in severe anxiety.

also how have you been going with school and subjects/assessment, has your sleep been the same?

Im wondering at what time the noise generally stops in your house in the evening, and when it starts in the morning?

[Dejena]

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I don't seem to care. This week I have most of my exams, but im not going to them. I can't continue to escape from school.

The noise is in the morning, after 2 PM-5 PM. Noise at 8PM. Idk. I feel so stupid

[Here2Talk]

You are just a young person who is struggling with a lot of things at the moment and you’re not stupid. It seems like you are experiencing quite severe distress, which happens to many people at times.

Apologies if we have already discussed this, but if this is appropriate to bring up with your parents, I would really consider speaking to your GP about options to manage your distress, and maybe you could get some sessions with a clinical psychologist who can help with some of the distressing thought patterns you seem to be having.

I wonder if you could imagine not having any school work and assessments to ever worry about; how would that make you feel, and what kinds of things would be distressing to you if you had a magic wand to make school and assessments disappear?

[Dejena]

imagine not having any school work and assessments to ever worry about would make me feel happy and not overwhelmed. I don't know what kinds of things would be distressing to me, but there will always be something if I had a magic wand to make school and assessments disappear. everyone has problems.

I can't manage to get the words out of my mouth. I can't ask, "can I see a therapist?"

[Here2Talk]

Just wondering if school was your biggest trigger. It seems like it could be. I found school work super distressing when I was there and found it impossible to concentrate. I wonder if with you it’s a combination of that and holding yourself to an unnecessarily high standard. You’re right there will always be things that distress us- it’s part of being human. But acute distress exists (in addition to other reasons) because deep inside of us we have the belief that something is wrong/bad/threatening...


Tell me about why schoolwork is so important to you (I’m not saying it isn’t), I just want to see if you can articulate it, and what you’re deepest values are in relation to school assessment..


If you’re too scared/uncomfortable with asking your parents if you can get help, then maybe we could work on writing a text that you could send to whichever parent you feel most comfortable raising this issue with? Is that something you’d like to do?

[Dejena]

Yes,I think writing to my mum.

school s so important because i need to go to university and then get a good job, if I don't finish school that is embarrassing. Even if I don't go to uni straight away, it would be difficult to get hired if u didn't finish school.

If I don't finish school then I'm worthless. Right now because I have given up, missed exams, behind on school, not going to school, not doing homework I am scared what is going to happen. I am unable to stop behaving this way and go to school because I'm scared to go.


I am ignoring my friends message because I don't want to tell her I haven't done the exams. I feel ashamed. I don't want to see my friends anymore or talk to them.

I haven't been out of the house for 2 weeks. I don't want to get out of the house.

I feel bad for my parents. They are so kind and understanding, but I'm the worst.

My sleeping schedule is a mess I guess. I sleep at 5-8 am and wake up at 3 pm.

I am a mess. I feel like I'm just wasting my life away. Not doing anything, but going on my phone all day.

The only productive thing I probably do is wash dishes, but that's it basically.

Looks like I wrote too much 🤣

[Here2Talk]

This has blown out to 2 messages 😜

There’s a lot going through your mind right now, a lot of issues to work through; I can tell by the way you’re harshly self-critical, have withdrawn from school and from contact with your friend.

A lot of the way you are thinking reminds me of myself. The self criticism - if I don’t do this then I’m worthless, wasting my time, etc.
The thing is, there is truth to some of what you’re saying - but you’ve become so anxious probably due to missed assessments and study that now you can’t think of anything but the worst.

It is good to finish school, and do your assessments, and go to uni, in most cases. But I wonder if you could think of another angle. Imagine you are a mother, and your daughter is so anxious that she doesn’t want to get out of bed. How would that make you feel. Imagine it really deeply... until you can really perceive that girl. Spend some time deeply contemplating that.

The point isn’t to make you feel bad for your mother - that’s her job to care for you. The point is to make you see that the girl is being treated quite harshly - by herself. Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson has a book 12 rules for Life an Antidote to Chaos - it’s a sort of self help/development book. It might be good to buy the book , I even think there is an audiobook you can listen to on the headphones on your phone.
one of his rules is basically: treat yourself as you would someone you take care of. His main point is that we sometimes treat our animals with more dignity than ourselves.
to come back to you: you seem like an intelligent young woman who is so anxious and so worried that she can’t concentrate. What you need is compassion. It sounds like you have it from your parents, that is wonderful.

another thing is that it seems to me like you think that it is too late ... for anything... I get that. Particularly with schoolwork.... I still feel like that often with my university study..
but it’s not... you may get a lesser Mark. But a lesser Mark is better than dropping out. And an even lesser mark is better than dropping out.

i know the pain and worry you must feel. Speaking as a parent myself, it’s a parents job to do everything they can for their child. Please use them, it seems like they want to help...
You mentioned the words don’t want to come out, and you liked the idea of a letter. That is good. Have you given thought to what you might want to write?