Relapsing?

[Penguinlover]

My story: 

When i was 7 years old, my mum, dad, brother and I moved from England to Australia, leaving all our family behind... It was always assumed we would return for a holiday, but... it's been 10 years and we still haven't, people only visit yearly. I'm only mentioning this because i came across the thought that this could be what triggered my problem. Which is weird. 

What would happen,if I stayed at a friends house I'd start feeling weird and missing home and have a panic attack..But then it turned into every Sunday night before school. I would get this daunting feeling, and become unable to fall asleep, I'd end up having a panic attack. The only way to calm me down would be to sleep on my parents floor, i just felt safe there. The following morning iId be fine going to school, so that was never the problem... 

Then one year i think, i had no problems, i would be fine... 

A year or so later, it came back (soIi think, I'm not sure if it's possible) - What would happen is, the same time, of the same day every week, I would have the same symptoms and end up vomiting..AND, the only way I would find comfort and feel better is by falling asleep on my bedroom floor. Weird hey? (I don't know if they relate, i read somewhere anxiety can make you vomit). 

Anyway, I have just had my 2 weeks school holidays, for my final year of school and a few hours before bed I could tell I was feeling anxious and didn't want to climb into bed... When i did and all my friends had gone to bed, I started getting anxious. I knew I would lie there wide awake, and constantly check the time, to see it only get later and later, and myself get more and more anxious... It's just what happens to me, I started getting really emotional, i wanted to call my best friend but I knew as soon as the phone call ended i would feel sad and alone again... I texted my mum asking for a hug and she came in and spoke to me for a good 10-20 minutes and suggested maybe it was moving from England that has caused this whirlwind of events.. She gave me a hug, which instantly made me feel better, but at the same time, made all these emotions want to go wild. She went to bed around 40 minutes ago, and so far i feel better, but then I think that's because I'm just distracting myself online and when i go to bed, I'll be back to being sad again.

I was just curious as to whether or not people have an idea as to what's causing me to be like this? and/or what I can do about it. 

Thank you x 

[HelenM]

Hi penguinlover

Sometimes knowing what's causing anxiety or depression can be difficult. As a child I moved house a few times - in England actually, and I live in Scotland now. Moving away from home is a type of loss  - for you it would be loss of friends, extended family, culture and the home and town where you lived. Although it's impossible to be sure I think such a huge move could well have affected your mental health. Everyone is different. I'm more sensitive than my brothers and sisters so although our childhoods were similar I was the only one to develop depression. 

Your Mum sounds fantastic and that will help you loads. Have you and your Mum had a good talk about the whole problem? Do you think it might help to talk to your doctor.

Anxiety can cause you to vomit as you suggest. 

You come across as very sensible and quite wisely you want to understand what's going on. 

Just to say. I have lived in Scotland for over 30 years. I moved up from England when I was 21. There have been spells when I have felt very homesick and wanted to be near my Mum and Dad again and all my brothers and sisters, even though I was married with two children. Maybe, in a way, homesickness is a type of illness in itself.

Take care, Helen x

[AGrace]

Hi penguinlover,

Helen has provided a very thorough response, and I think seeing a Dr would be at the top of my list.

The only thing id like to add is that anxiety has a way of supporting itself and feeding itself. Sometimes,  without realising it, we actually engage in behaviours that reinforce the anxiety. You mentioned that it typically happens before bed, particularly if leading up to a day when you have school or another event. Some of the things I would consider are:

Preparing for bed - Avoid using stimulants such as your phone, computer, or tv at least a couple of hours before you want to fall asleep. Its also good to avoid stimulants such as sugar and caffeine at this time as well.

Develop a bedtime ritual - Perhaps start with a bath/shower, then have a herbal tea or warm milk, then listen to a meditation app or some calming music, when you get in to bed do some light reading, keep the lighting in your room dim.

If you struggle to sleep after 20 minutes get out of bed and do something mundane like reading or journalling, then go back to bed when you feel tired again.

I'd also take the clock out of your room, replace your alarm by using your mobile. If you wake during the night, avoid checking the time. This can lead to more anxiousness. 

Sleep and wake up at the same time EVERY day, following your ritual.

I'd also suggest exploring if there's something about school on that first day of the week that's causing you to feel anxious? A particular lesson, a teacher, or friend you might see, being late etc?

Hope this is helpful, let us know how you get on.

AGrace