I'm 14 and I think I may have depression?

[Kaylana]

I'm a 14 year old girl in year 8 and I think I may have depression. A lot has happened in the last say maybe 5 years. It started when my eldest brother almost got sent to jail (it's a long story but no it wasn't for drugs), then my last brother and his girlfriend got pregnant when they were 14 (they're now 17). A lot of little things happened between them events that aren't really important. Everything was starting to look up, my brother and his girlfriend now have an adorable (and tough) little daughter, and my sister and eldest brother are both engaged and have had their first child. However around New Years Eve for this year, my father left us. My mother's father was and still is on his deathbed so this killed her because he was her support. My father know constantly lies to us, does not bother to contact us and accuses my mum of things that she has no power over. Every time it seems like things are starting to look up, another thing hits us. We also have extreme problems with money, my mother constantly applies for jobs however she has not been accepted to any and my father only gives us $800 a fortnight for groceries, mortgage and to my knowledge, 2 other bills. Lately however, he has stopped paying the bills he agreed to pay (electricity and another one).

This obviously has taken its toll over me, especially since all I can do is watch. My grades have dropped outstandingly and I do absolutely anything in my power to get out of going to school. I have self harmed (most recent was a week ago) and I do have suicidal thoughts. I find it hard to tell anyone anything and I don't feel comfortable trusting even mybest friend.

Long story short, I want to find out if I really do have depression but I don't want any of my family to know until I'm sure.

Sorry for rambling and thank you if you reply  


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[white knight]

Hi Kaylana,  Welcome to Beyond Blue. Thankyou for your post. You have communicated very well indeed.

Ok, your world has fallen apart.  But there are some issues you have mentioned that I wish to comment about. Here, you have got an independent poster in me. I dont know your family at all.

It is sad to hear your dad has left your family home. For a moment I want you to consider his position. He was obviously upset or discontent with his life with your mother. So he left. Living in a bad relationship for anyone is hard. He did this knowing he would no longer be in your life full time. He lost his neighbours and any family pets etc etc. Then he has to pay child support and his contribution to your mums household is $800 a fortnight. This I suggest is a considerable sum for something he gets no real personal benefit. He is being quite responsible. To cap this off he has to contend with losing part of your heart because it seems clear your mum talks to you about his contribution and her struggles financially. I dont see this as fair on your dad. I think it would be better to keep in regular contact with your dad and not get involved with the financial side of things. Dead beat dads are those that leave and dont contribute any or next to no money towards the old household. He isnt a dead beat dad by any means. Dads that leave the family also have to make and finance a new life for themselves. All these issues can cause disagreements between parents and I'm sure he has his reasons like your mum has hers. He likely believes it isnt a good idea to contact you because you are siding with your mum. This means that he would feel that he has also lost you. This would be so hard for him to tolerate. Write him a letter?. Call him?. If he knows you wont take sides he will respond well.

Serious depression includes a chemical imbalance. However other depressive illnesses often short term can occur especially when life takes a dive for you. I urge you strongly to see your doctor and discuss this. It is very important.

This is my 2 cents worth.   Take care  Kaylana. Life's roller coaster always goes back up!!!

[BeeGee]

Hi Kaylana,

I'm so sorry to hear that life is so crap for you right now. I think from your post you realise that this is not in any way your fault, nor are you responsible for solving your family's problems. I know this doesn't make them any better, but at least know that it's not about you - you are an innocent bystander and collateral damage.

Make no mistke, kids can get depression. A lot of people don't really appreciate this and can miss the signs; the fact that you are thinking about it says a lot about your self awareness. This can be both a strength and a weakness. The self-harming and suicidal thoughts however are really concerning and I would encourage you to try to see a GP in your area. If you are comfortable with your family doctor go there, but you can go elsewhere if that would be easier. I'm pretty sure when you explain your situation most GPs would be prepared to bulk bill you so money shouldn't be an issue. Don't be concerned about your age; there is a benchmark called "Gillick Competence", and if the doctor is satisfied you are able to understand his/her suggestions/treatment plan, can reason about the possibilities and forsee consequences of choices you can be treated as a mature minor and can consent to treatment on your own behalf (i.e. you don't necessarily need a parent to go with you or consent to treatment for you).

Please try to see a doctor as soon as you can. Nobody can make your family problems go away, but they may be able to give you strategies to protect your mental health and improve your resilience so that you can live with your circumstances without going under.

Please let us know how you get on. I have a daughter almost your age so I really feel for you and hope the community here can help you through your situation. I wish I could give you a big daddy hug, but since I can't I hope your situation with your own dad improves so he can give you one instead!

[AGrace]

Hi Kaylana,

This is certainly a lot for a 14 year old to have to deal with. You are doing a fantastic job so far, and it was really brave of you to come to Beyondblue and share your story in the hope of receiving some support/advice.

A separation in families can be a very challenging time, firstly because of the change that occurs, secondly because it affects how your parents feel, and thirdly because as children we feel quite powerless in terms of what we can do. The one thing you do have control over is yourself. I agree with WhiteKnight, a visit to your GP is very important. If there's not a regular Dr you can see then visit the list available on Beyondblue's website to find someone appropriate nearby. You can also ensure that the Dr bulk bills when you make the appointment so that you are not paying any out of pocket expenses. You will however need your Medicare card. It can seem like a really big step to have to take on your own, would your siblings be willing to go with you?

Sadly during separations children get to see their parents as humans rather than just mum and dad. We hear all about the struggles they are facing, emotionally, financially etc. You are in no means responsible for these issues, so I'd advise you not to try and solve them. Are you or one of your siblings able to speak with your mum about getting some support for her? 

School is really important for you, it gives you an outlet to not be around family, and it will assist with your education. Is there a teacher or school counsellor that you could speak with about your concerns? I understand that your friends may not be equipped to help you with this. You can speak with a counsellor at school without having to get your parents involved.

Self harm, although a coping strategy, is not worthwhile in the long term. It may take away some of the pain initially but it can also lead to feelings of guilt and isolating behaviours. You need to get help with this, and your GP will be able to assist you. If you are having suicidal thoughts please contact Beyondblue via phone or webchat to get some assistance in managing, and not acting on these thoughts.

Will you let us know how you get on. We're a very caring community here, and would really love to know that you are getting some help. Well done for speaking up:)

AGrace