Physical Contact Discomfort

[Robin17]

Hi all, I have lot a of discomfort with physical contact, anything more than a handshake/high-five and I become very uncomfortable. Obviously I cannot keep going like this, and I was wondering if anyone has experienced something similar, and if they could point me in the right direction of becoming more comfortable with physical contact from others.
Thanks

[Zeal]

Hi Robin,

I can very much relate to your situation. Ever since I was born, I had issues surrounding physical contact and intimacy. As an infant, I didn’t like being cuddled too much. As a child, I didn’t like hugging or kissing. I actually didn’t like kissing until this year, just after I turned 22! I am now perfectly fine when it comes to physical contact with others. However, I still prefer to hug rather than kiss relatives.

For me, dating a bit last year, and now having a boyfriend this year, has helped me hugely with this. People who are very shy, lack confidence, or who have Aspergers, are more likely to have issues or reservations about physical contact. I was very shy and lacked confidence up until I was about 20.

My advice to you would be to ensure you have close emotional bonds to your family and friends. Some people don’t show love, affection, and care as physically as others. If you are someone that a friend or family member can turn to when they need to talk about personal things or to spend quality time with, then that’s really great. For me, feeling comfortable with physical contact and intimacy really just took time, and improved when my confidence did.

I’m not sure what age you are, so it’s hard to gauge how severe and long-lasting this anxiety over physical contact has been for you. If you’re really concerned and think there is an underlying issue that hasn’t been addressed, you could see your GP about a referral to a psychologist or counsellor.

I hope something I’ve said has been helpful!

Best wishes,

SM

[kelalou]

Hi Robin17!

Thanks for sharing a little about yourself on our forums.

I'm sure you are not alone in this. In fact, I myself sometimes struggle with physical contact with others. Similar to SM above, I also found this changed a little with having a boyfriend, but other than that sometimes I prefer to keep a bit of distance from some friends and family, depending on my relationship with them.

I can't say I have a lot of specific advice for something you should do, but rather, I would like to say that everyone is different and enjoys different levels of physical contact! I hope you aren't giving yourself a hard time because of this, but rather accept yourself for who you are and all the little things that make us different from one another.

But, that being said, if it really gets you down, as SM said you could see your GP. However, I think it is also important to love and accept ourselves for who we are! I'm sure you have many great strengths and qualities, and it isn't always necessary to enjoy high levels of physical contact with ALL your friends and family. But don't be shy to ask for a hug if you need one! 🙂 Hope this helps!

[Francesco]

Hi Robin,

I experience the same. I find it so intimidate and uncomfortable and even though I want to I struggle to be more physical. It is okay, in all relationships it is important to move at a pace that feels comfortable with you.

As for the 'right' direction, the only right way is what feels right to you.

I have tried leaving the comfort zone and steering into the skid- i found that helps to become more physical however those nerves are still present.

I found talking to someone (eg a counsellor, a friend, or even a person you want to be more physical about.) helped the most. The support showed that it was okay that I was feeling the way I was and it helped me discover the root of my problem.

Hope this helps! 🙂

[Narniakid]

Hey Robin17!

Early on when I was first diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, I experienced the same thing - I couldn't stand physical contact. As I worked with my psychologist and opened up to my friends about how I was feeling, and now 5 years on, I'm recovering well and I have no issue whatsoever with my boyfriend or my friends showing affection towards me.

I definitely think that you shouldn't feel ashamed of it - everyone overcomes it at different times. As long as you maintain good friendships and relationships with your family, and surround yourself with a solid support network, you'll most likely find the wall for intimacy will start to fall down in your own time.

If you do have any doubts, it's best to talk to a professional - have a chat with the hotline or consider a session with a psychologist.

Good luck!

Crystal

[Robin17]

Thank very much for your replies.

I see a psychologist monthly for my generalised and social anxiety, and the physical contact is something to be addressed. She offered dancing classes, to get used to intimacy that way, but there is no way I could do that yet.

Again, can't thank you all enough

[Francesco]

We are all happy to help!

How are you feeling your progress is going?

[Robin17]

Progress is nonexistent. I find socialising not only stressful but also tiresome and I generally prefer my own company. Which results in limited time to "steer into the skid".

With no girlfriend or really close friend to break down these walls with, I was hoping there might be a creative idea I had not thought of yet.

[Robin17]

Progress is non-existent. I find socialising stressful and tiresome, and tend to prefer my own company which makes practicing with friends harder. Not having a girlfriend or any close friend to try and break this down with, worries me that the longer this goes on, the harder it will be to tackle.

[Francesco]

Are you able to pin point the thoughts that come to mind when you are faced with a social situation?

What do you feel in your body?