Hi there!My story with anxiety would fit a good novel and I am not sure
where to start exactly. I am an architecture student, currently in 4th
year, an immigrant (and Aus citizen for 3 years), homosexual and
extremely perfectionist person. I am suffe...
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Hi there!My story with anxiety would fit a good novel and I am not sure
where to start exactly. I am an architecture student, currently in 4th
year, an immigrant (and Aus citizen for 3 years), homosexual and
extremely perfectionist person. I am suffering from uncontrollable
crying at anywhere, anytime, burning sensation in my neck and in the
place where my brain should be, accompanied by the most horrific
self-critical, sometimes suicidal thoughts and self-humiliating
behaviour. I have tried to reach out for help from professionals but
certain limitations are preventing me from getting substantial help. I
can clearly define a few failures that I’m unable to overcome mentally
and drag me into a cycle of self-torture. After our immigration from
eastern Europe with my family, I lived in deep outback until my 20th
birthday and rushed into a relationship with a guy as soon as I arrived
into the city starting a 1.6 years long relationship which ended up with
a breakup –sort of catastrophic- after the following events: Last year,
almost lost my sibling to anorexia, lost a relative through suicide
(with similar mental mindset) and got two close relatives living
overseas diagnosed with aggressive cancer types requiring an emergency
travel during the semester. My course in the meantime has proceeded
further and became more difficult and demanding (always studied
overnight, having very little sleep and received high amount of stress
from strict time constraints) These triggers were enough to make me do
mistakes at the workplace which resulted in being fired. I became more
aggressive in my relationship which resulted in having to live with my
ex in a small unit for three quarters of the lease of our student
residence (no other arrangement was possible). I felt humiliation,
guilt, anger, all sorts of negative emotions towards myself for
inability to cope, until we moved apart. Despite I wanted to proceed and
move on. I have continued my studies, however I have phobia of applying
to workplaces (I am financially dependent – STRUGGLING), opening to new
relationships (as well as hating my sexuality), I am battling with
insomnia and the type of anxiety attacks that I described earlier. I
technically tried to compress 2 years in 2500 characters which might
look superficial, but I really need advice in how to go on as my future
seems to be taking me towards leaving my course, mental breakdown and
some serious self-torture as a result.Thank you!Greg (23) beyondblue's
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