22 yo girl, can't walk of work due to foot pain.

[SadMomo]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here so here goes:

Recently I seem to have achieved everything I was aiming for.. I finished my Course after passing year 12 and then gained a job in the management industry working full time, which I have been doing now for 2 years. 

At the time I was living with a friend however felt lonely whilst I was there. After feeling like that for so long I decided to join the gym and start going out more often which led me to meet my boyfriend.. He is very kind.

We then decided to moved out together and also with one of my childhood friends, as we believed we could create a positive happy home for all of us.. Which we have and it is amazing. 

However 3 months ago I felt a sharp pain in my ankle. This has left me unable to weight bare on my right leg.. Which is a result of being born with a club foot. After seeing numerous doctors they suspect it is a pin from a surgery 6 years ago that is irritating something and causing pain. 

I have been waiting over 2 months to get an appointment with an orthopaedic doctor and am still waiting so I don't know how long this will continue for. 

However until then I am unable to work, drive or even walk and am stuck in the house all day. 

I'm scared because I'm not working, and there will be a point where I run out of money to even be able to pay the rent.. I have just applied for centerlink however I am still worried sick.

I'm also bored at home, which is giving me time to think about more and more things.. For example my parents divorce to even little arguments I've had with friends, I feel like it's al my fault. 

All I do is look forward to going to sleep at night so I'm out of pain, and don't feel sick from the medication I'm on, and every morning I wake up I cry because I don't want to be awake. And even if I do have things to do Im just not motivated.

Everytime I try to think of something with a clear head I have a million thoughts and worries running through my mind and I can't focus, and all I can do is panic and can't breathe. This happens daily.. and when it happened today, I had suicidal thoughts, and I did want to act on them, which I guess has led me to post here. 

I was admitted into a children's psych ward when I was 17 as I was very suicidal, however since then I haven't taken medication or spoken to anyone, so I guess I just needed some advice. 

I'm sorry for such a long post, however if you have taken the time to read it, I am ever so thankful and appreciative. - SadMomo

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[kelalou]

Hi SadMomo,

First of all I wanted to say welcome to the forums and thank you for popping in and bravely sharing your story with us.

It definitely sounds like you have a LOT on your plate at the moment and like some things have taken a really bad turn lately. I'm so sorry to hear about the pain you're experiencing and the fact that its stopped you being able to do your normal daily activities like going to work or being able to drive. I was quite sick for about a month or so just a little while ago, and while my situation wasn't quite so severe, I can definitely empathise with you that it has been getting you down! Its really hard being stuck in the house especially as it seems like you are quite an active, busy person normally with lots of goals to achieve and wanting to make the most of out of things. So, I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment.

Its really important to reach out to your family, friends, and support networks around you if you are having suicidal thoughts, or perhaps to talk to your GP seeing as your specialist appointment is quite some time away still. They may have some suggestions for how to help you in the meantime. It sounds like your boyfriend is quite supportive, so definitely share these thoughts and feelings with him if you can, and perhaps you two can come up with some ideas to keep you feeling mentally strong and clear minded until you are able to get recover from this pain.

You may find this is an opportunity to fulfil some other goals you may have that you can do at home during this time where you need to be resting and taking care of yourself. For me personally while I was sick I caught up on writing in my diary and practicing my Italian as thats another language I study. I also got back into my drawing which I haven't done in years!!! Having little hobbies and things you can do around home definitely helps. But, most importantly, if you are feeling very down and having serious thoughts about suicide, please reach out to your support networks and GP and get help with this.

I'm sure you are not alone in this experience with feeling the effects of a physical injury and how it can get you down! Does anyone else have any suggestions to help SadMomo through this period?

[Jacko777]

Hi SadMomo,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am glad you are talking about this and I am sorry to hear how you have been feeling. I bet people on this site will have support and advice and I wonder if you are seeing a doctor or a counsellor? Seems like it could be a good time to get a fresh mental health plan that brings you some calmness and happiness, small steps each day.

Try not to worry about finances, you have got the ball rolling with Centrelink. It would help me to remind myself that I am on a path of recovery, the foot will get seen to and lets hope for much improvement. The boredom is something you can definitely work on. You could start making a list of things you can do and achieve at home. Can you commit to some more study from home? What other things interest you, what are you passionate about and how can you act on those passions from where you are? It helps me to be clear about the things in my life that are important to me, this is where I am to spend my time. 

Have you tried meditation? It has helped me a lot to train my brain to focus on the positive and off the negative, just what you need right now. (Smiling mind.com is a great place to start if you are on the net)

Hang in there SM, I know you can make this better. And no need to be sorry about the length of your post! You can talk here any time.

Jack