Personality and mood switches to opposite of one's self.

Artastic55 · ‎20-11-2017

Hello. Again.. I have returned myself because of a discovery I've recently made with my unstable self. I'll probably spew out info and hope someone has any idea what is going on. This community is pretty good at making me feel better

I realise that at any time, in my head is a voice. It's my voice, not loud but it's like a thought. Except it doesn't feel like it belongs to me. I might be having the greatest of times and then suddenly I snap into a straight face without emotion and think horrible things like "They mean nothing", "Obviously they're just all idiots", "SILENCE", "ONLY I MATTER".

These thoughts often happen and often trigger a sudden switch into what I refer to with my psychologist as "it". I turn into an emotionless egotistical anarchist who only wants to rise to power, kinda like a psychopath. I become rather intelligent and analytical, unlike my usual self. This often occurs in isolation or when I'm not near my friends. This bothers me because sometimes this can affect how I interact with the world and it's people, because I can be so rude and nasty.

Even without a switch, those 'thought voices' can affect my moods, and often give me a bad reputation. This 'it' often wants to be in control of my body and be the almighty controller of my mind, being in control permanently, and it sometimes freaks me out because I feel like i might hurt someone I really care about, and it feels wrong to switch into the narcissist psychopath bent on world domination.

Does anyone have any thoughts or info? I really like labelling my issues for some reason..

BballJ · ‎21-11-2017

Hi Artastic55,

Wow, that sounds very interesting and quite intense to have those feelings. Do they happen often? I can't say I have a label for that partly because I haven't heard of it really before. Has your psychologist been of much help with this?

My best for you,

Jay

Artastic55 · ‎21-11-2017

These happen roughly every day. It's also kind of worrying that you haven't heard of this..

BballJ · ‎21-11-2017

Hi Artastic55,

I am by no means and medical professional or trained in any mental health on any professional level, I am simply a fellow mental health sufferer so my knowledge and experience is quite confined to depression, anxiety & OCD. This is one of those things that needs medical attention, has you psychologist or GP addressed this with you in further detail?

My best,

Jay

romantic_thi3f · ‎22-11-2017

Hey Artastic55,

Thanks for your post.

Ohh this is kind of interesting. I think that even though I'm trying to understand it's kind of impossible because I'm not really there in person. Whenever you see someone in person it's a bit easier so you can kind of emphasise how strong the voice is vs our own thoughts. So I really encourage you to chat about this with your psychologist more to help you understand.

What we do know though is that we are always always thinking; even when we're not aware of it. A lot of people don't realise this because we can get so caught up in the moment; like if I'm watching TV I might just feel kind of 'caught up in it' I guess, where as while I'm writing this post I'm thinking about what you've said and what to say next. Does that make sense?

If we just sit with our thoughts and pay attention to them it's like our thoughts are still voices and still sound like us but very different. Sometimes they're quieter and sometimes they're louder; so it's really hard to determine which one is which. We also often have conversations with ourselves which is totally normal - like if I'm deciding whether to have a cupcake one voice/thought might be like 'oh you shouldn't that's got so much sugar' and the other one is like 'but it looks so yum'. So they can both connect even if one is louder.

Not sure if any of this makes sense; but I guess I'm trying to say that we all do have voices/thoughts in our head even if many of us aren't aware of them. There's also a difference between 'hey that's not me I feel like someone else is here' and 'this is a bad thought/voice that I don't want to listen to'.

Hope this helps,