Over Everything

[turquoisemoonxo]

Over the past few years of my life I have struggled with anxiety and depression.

I don't know what to do with my self anymore, I am 16 years old and I can't even get out of bed most mornings, it's been an ongoing problem for as long as I can remember. I'm not really sure what it was that may have triggered it, but there have been a few awful events that have occurred in my life but they all happened some time ago. I've been bullied off and on all through my life, at first it was for stupid things such as how I acted or what toys I played with in primary school, now it's much worse and more hurtful stuff. I used to really enjoy school and I would never miss any days, even when I was sick. But now I'll find any excuse I can not to go, I fear that I'm not even going to be able to finish high school and my life is just going to be a big pile of nothing. I see a counsellor regularly but that hasn't really helped, a little bit short term but nothing has given me long term help and support. I just don't know where to turn now, I'm over living my life like this.. but it's just such a hard habit to overcome. Any advice?

[white knight]

Hi TM, love the name,

Life is a little like a passenger on a ship. Initially you cant get used to the waves making your life go up and down. No matter your efforts time and experience is the only remedy to make it feel ok, so eventually you feel at home and don't feel the waves anymore.

In many ways enduring a mental illness is similar. Those highs and lows come and go. Even the most appropriate medication for us will not stop ALL the hurdles....it just helps. And other ideas like moving from a full time job to part time or ridding your life of toxic people will help. All positive changes will help but in the end we have to live with some of the unpredictable moods or symptoms. The longer it goes on for, the easier is sometimes is, to live with.

Getting out of bed can be a challenge for you. My technique over many years has been to take a shower when you are already out of bed to go to the toilet. Hot water will help you wake. And you have to go there don't you? We all do. Then returning to your bedroom the next challenge- get dressed. The night before have your clothes ready so the chore of choosing them isn't there. That effort to choose increases your mood.

My final piece of advice is uncommon. Being bullied or having depression while at school is unbearable. Why not leave? Why endure such ongoing punishment. If you think or can imagine a life in a job (eg maccas) whereby you are earning a wage and maybe returning to schooling a few years from now...and that appeals to you, the have a go. Yes its wrong that bullying exists, but we older ones know that many things in life are wrong and the perpetrators get away with it....that's life, injustice often occurs and we have to deal with it. That means under some circumstances we fight them, under some we walk away and pursue other avenues. You make the choice.

At such a young age I would pursue other means. Ever thought of the armed forces? Think of the positives, like a career path, cheap housing, home loan after a period of service, camaraderie (bullying is outlawed), adult wages. I joined the RAAF at 17 years and 4 days old.

We should never put up with torture. We must make choices to avoid/eliminate, redirect abuse. But not endure it day after day.

Plenty to think about.

Tony WK

[itsallreal]

Hey turquoisemoonxo,

I'm a middle aged man and i still struggle with what people think of me and where my life "should be". I had a pretty crap upbringing and didn't finish school because i like you found any excuse i could not to go, Twenty years later i now know that it is the biggest mistake i ever made.

I've had to work my butt off for twenty years to get to where i am today because i felt that it wasn't worth me trying, and i could have gotten here at least ten years ago if i had of stuck with my schooling, those people who bully or laugh at you only do it because they are scared of what you can achieve.

Believe in yourself,be honest with yourself and let someone know whats going on in your head, If it's not  mum or dad then someone on this forum can help you.

You're never alone.

[_NaturalTalent_]

Hi Turquoise,

Personally I agree with 'Itsallreal'.

I left school early, due to bullying/harrasment from both students and teachers. That was about 10 years ago now.

I finished but did not quite 'pass' yr11. I would skip school and hang out with older non schooling or working friends.

There is a degree of 'It's not what you know but who you know' in the professional world. I was lucky and secured a career near by family. Not everyone is as lucky, and starting at a fast food restaurant without atleast a yr 11 completion could possibly make the rest of your career life difficult.

Honestly there isn't a week that goes by that I don't consider studying something new or going to an adult school to complete yr 11-12...

For someone who is hassled by everyone else continuously, there comes a point in your life where you decide your not putting up with them anymore. Unfortunately this rarely happens during school, it is a skill learnt with time. Essentially one day your mind thinks 'Just smack them in the head'... When you reach this point you begin to get angry rather than upset, and this can fuel your desire to prove your far better than them.

Making it to school each day is something I struggle with, with work. The best way to accomplish this is to push yourself. Each day gauge the likeliness of putting up with the day, if it is far too much, take your break, if its a bit iffy, push yourself...

Have you considered half days? As in going home at lunch times?

You could also ask your teachers to provide more 'home' work than 'school' work. This can be aided with explanations/referrals from your parents and/or counsellor.

Try to start thinking this way when people begin to hassle you 'Stuff off cant be bothered' rather than 'Why do you keep doing this to me'. Again easier said than done, but with practise you will find yourself caring less and less about what others think or say about you. Basically stand up for yourself, but not as most people would imply.

Try to train your mind to decide their just full of... Doo doo... lol

White knight has a great euphemism for life, I really like the whole waves and ship explanation and he's SO right!

There will always be people trying to drag you down or get on top of you or take what you have. The fact is everything depends on how good of a person you are and the hurt your willing to take before hurting others.

I wish I could just click my fingers and bless upon you my experience here