This thing is kind of off and on for me, but now I'm not in the best place. There's nothing special waiting for me in my future. I have hobbies but they can't be future jobs and with how it is now, when I do get one it'll probably be a dead-end one. I won't be remembered after school and it'll be even worse after that because I'll have no community to belong to. I don't exactly have friends anyway and it's lonely. I feel like I'm the only one who really cares about the future and what I do. Either way I won't get anywhere and there is nothing special about me. It's expected I find somebody else to shoulder this with me but I don't ever want my own family, or to have a boyfriend. It's not because I'm young or stupid, I know what I want and it isn't that. No family, no career, nothing special and no friends. Sounds pretty useless to me.
I've been told I'm an attention-seeker and "all I do is make others feel bad" by somebody I thought was my friend a while ago. The funny thing is I never told them anything, I've never done anything. I try not to be negative and they think it's okay to do that when I finally feel okay again. Then everybody starts treating me like I'm naiive because I think differently to them and I can't stand up for myself. I pretty much live alone because my dad is working all day, so I'm alone all day with a brother I never want to talk to and never do.
I finally decided to see a GP and I was in there for less than ten minutes. I spent the whole day worrying to be given a sheet of paper that asked me if I'm depressed or anxious, how would I know? There's a reason I came, not to self-diagnose. In the end I was told it wasn't that bad as well. I had to lie about some things I think about which was the only real important question because I didn't want to get into trouble.
So now I guess I'm making it up too. People really know how to make me feel selfish and stupid
I'm sorry if this isn't allowed. My last one got deleted for mentioning GPs and I wouldn't be surprised. I feel invisible lately
