HELP! Anxiety prevents me from fully trusting my boyfriend...

[Caity_P]

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over a year now and overall, things have been really good. He is a very supportive person, caring, kind, loyal and respectful. Before being in a relationship with me, he did not have any experience actively dealing with anxiety or depression, so we have definitely had some issues to overcome and have had to talk about his self-care. He came along to one of my psychologist appointments with me to discuss how to navigate my anxiety/depression, and since then he has been awesome at dealing with it. However, there is one major issue I really need some help with. Even though my boyfriend has never given me a reason not to trust him and I genuinely think he is a trust-worthy person, I seem to find it impossible to trust him! In the past, I was with an emotionally and sexually abusive person (a very traumatic experience for me) and I think this has contributed to my inability to trust. I know it is not fair to him if I do not trust him and I really want to, but I just don't know how. Whenever he goes out with his friends, I try hard to be happy for him but I turn into a nervous wreck (panic attack, crying, hyperventilating, nausea). I have noticed some environments are worse than others, for example if he goes to his friend's house or out for a meal or to play sport I am usually okay, but if he wants to go into town or to a bar/club without me, I really freak out and usually he doesn't go as a result of my reaction. I feel very uneasy about the whole 'club' environment where people drink, aren't really themselves etc. If anybody has any advice on managing trust issues I would really appreciate it.

[geoff]

hello Caity, lovely to have you join the site, and what you have said is certainly something that worries you, because of your previous r/ship, so you could say that it means you are suffering from PSTD, but knowing that, won't mean that you will feel comfortable with going him out to a nightclub.
I used to feel exactly the same when my wife (ex) went out to the companies Xmas party or such similar events.
I wonder whether he texts you at any time while he is out, but from your comment I don't think so, that's why you cry, and in a situation like this you can't pretend that you agree to it, because you certainly don't, turn this around and what would he say if you went out to nightclubs with your g/friends, he might say it's OK, but I'm sure he would worry.
Trust is just so important for a marriage and/or r/ship, and if for any reason there is some doubt, even just a bit, because this could escalate, then is has to be proved for them to show their trust, but if there is a reason why you don't honour or believe them, this has to be sorted out.
As I mentioned in the beginning it maybe because of your PSTD, but whether it is or whether you can't trust him, then you have to gain his confidence, perhaps it would be a good idea to see your doctor and then a referral to a psychologist.
Please let us know the outcome. Geoff.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Caity, thanks for posting on the forums again.  As this thread is a continuation of an earlier one you posted last month, we're going to close this one and ask that everyone posts back in the original thread.

Keeping your story in one place is helpful for members as they can quickly get up to speed on the whole history without you having to repeat yourself.

Anxiety is ruining my relationship