Drowning

[Wonderwoman10]

I just want to be alone. I’ve always considered myself to be shy and introverted but lately it’s gotten to the point where I hate leaving my house to even go to work or run simple errands.

I haven’t dated much but recently I’ve started a relationship with a man who I thought I really liked but, recently, I haven’t been wanting to see or
speak to him. The same goes for my friends and family as well and I’ve been finding it harder and harder to make a conscious effort to participate in conversations and catch ups.

I never really liked being by myself and always enjoyed being in the company of others but I just feel like, right now, all I really want is to be
by myself even though I know it’s not what I need. I have struggled with anxiety and depression and often find myself in bouts of sadness and
irritation.

I wondered if maybe I had an antisocial disorder? But I don’t find myself fitting in the ‘categories’ that these disorders entail, I have an acute
recognition of others and I think of myself as a compassionate person. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want my friends or family to think I don’t care about them or want to spend time with them – I just want to be alone. When I think of myself in social situations right now I feel so much dread and I get so anxious about it because I really don’t enjoy it. I’m supposed to go to my boyfriend’s house tonight to hang out with him and his friends but it’s making me sick to even think about going. I’m so lost right now. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I don’t want to have to tell my parents that I need help. I don’t want to tell anyone that I need help. I just want to be okay again. I just want to be happy again. But sometimes I feel like I never will be. I feel like I’m drowning and there’s no way to save myself.

[BballJ]

Hi Wonderwoman10,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Sorry to read what you are going through, I can see the stress it is putting you under and I have seen others posting on the forums with similar anti-social behaviours, I cannot say if it is an anti-social disorder as I am not a medical professional. I know you said you have struggled with anxiety and depression but have you ever actually spoken to a doctor about it... I cannot stress enough how much good it will do you to actually seek out professional help. The fact you have reached out here is great too and is a great first step towards recovery. Most of the people on these forums are mental health sufferers and support each other as much as we can. I know you don't want anyone to know what you're dealing with but it can be so refreshing telling someone and getting their support.. I have had anxiety for over 10 years and it beat me down before I finally took a stand against it, I never thought id tell my dad and when I did, he understood and was so supportive and it makes it that much easier, your parents love you and just want the best for you and I am sure they would want to know if you aren't coping well.

Please also know you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss any feelings you are going through as they are trained professionals.

Feel free to post back as much as you wish, always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[White_Rose]

Dear Wonderwoman

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. What a great name, so positive. It's also positive you have posted here and looking for help.

Depression/anxiety is a horrible place to be. Most of us here on BB know the feeling. If you look at the first page of BB you will see three circles with Anxiety, Depression and Suicide. Click on the depression circle and learn more about it. You can also complete the checklist which give you an indication of depression or not. It's not a diagnosis, just a quick check.

You sound depressed, but as Jay has said, we are people who have experienced depression and anxiety, not mental health experts. I urge you to visit your GP and talk about your feelings. Not wanting to go out of the house for a person who used to love being with others indicates a potential problem. The sooner you get help the easier it will be to recover. If you have been diagnosed with depression in the past then go to the person who helped you.

I doubt you have an antisocial disorder. Withdrawing from friends and family is more likely yo be part of your depression. Getting out of bed in the morning can be a huge struggle, especially when the weather is cold, but you are doing this and going to work. Well done.

If you feel anxious about going out with your BF or anyone else, then stay at home for the time being rather than go through the stress of pushing yourself to do something you don't want to do. But you do need to go and talk to your GP ASAP.

Take things one step at a time. You have taken the first step. Now take step two and chat with your doctor.

It would be lovely to hear from you again. This is a good place to talk about your feelings and we are here to help you as much as possible.

Mary