No order In my life and extreme disappointment with myself.

[wavereon]

Hello

I'm 20 years old male Uni student and admin and I have no order or plan in my life. My eating habit is extremely random and I don't bother m to eat unless I'm starving really badly and my body forces me to and then maybe I get a bread. Or if someone brings me food. My sleep pattern is a mess and It can be anytime in one week (Last night I slept around 3pm woke up at 11:pm) . I don't go to sleep when I need to and just mindlessly entertain myself with the computer until I nearly faint. Then I sleep 10 hours and miss Uni and I'm exhausted all day.

I always have been a massive procrastinator but it has been escalating with the recent years and It's been gradually having really negative effects on my learning. I miss Weeks or entire semesters then try to catch up with assignments or exams in the last 8-10 hours straight to get a credit instead of learning the content. I don't think I ever in my life in the last 4 years have started working on an assignment or an exam more than 16 hours before the and ever finished less than 1hr - 5 minute till the due date. However I don't think my body or my Mind can take this anymore.

I don't know how it happened and how to fix it. I had depression before and I think I have dealt with but they way my life is going I don't possibility of a future or any satisfaction with myself. I'm terrible at staying focused on a single task unless there is an extreme sense of fear and urgency. I can't do anything that does not please me in the very short term. I don't understand how other people can? I believe there are some underlying mental factors that have led me into this hell but I always didn't bother addressing them and now It's affecting everything.

I have been extremely lucky through myself and sorta privileged and spoiled. I always used to judge myself compared to others and my position would be considered quite lucky by many others. However that has been my biggest mistake. Every time I finish an assignment in the last minute, I know I can do A LOT better without actually putting that much more effort and mostly without tearing myself apart with stress If I had planned and had some order in myself.

I tried to fix it by myself and failed miserably every time and instead chose to drug and forgot about myself with games and the internet. Not sure if I need professional help and if they can help me or is it that really low consciousness people like me are doomed to fail.

Really sorry for the long and messy post.

[baet123]

Hey Wavereon,

Welcome to BB and thanks for posting and expressing your thoughts, feelings/emotions to us. Extremely brave of you and you should be proud. These forums is a safe, loving and caring platform where you will be heard, taken seriously and offered support from people who have been in similar situations. Post as little or as much as you please 🙂

Firstly, what are you studying at uni if you don't mind me asking? You stay up late on the computer right? Are you playing games or watching twitch? I play many games also 🙂 Sleep is super important and I know myself I need discipline and consistency with my sleep routine otherwise it may have detrimental effects on my mood, alertness and the like. Did you also know a lack of sleep can lead to poor mental health? It may be a good idea to remind yourself to attempt to force yourself to be in bed at midnight and sleep until 7 or 8am. This may be difficult at first but sleep is so important for the body and the mind and is crucial to maintaining a health lifestyle.

Have you spoken to your counsellor at university or your student body? They would have resources that may be able to assist you with your planning/management skills. Leaving tasks to the last minute is very common because I know with my peers they work better when they have to actually complete a task that is due the next day LOL. I see where they are coming from but being organised and not rushing is my preferred method as it allows me to enjoy my studies whilst not being extremely stressed every day/night before an assignment is due.

You may want to consider visiting your GP and discussing your thoughts and your mental health and well-being with him/her and see what their opinion is. It could very well be that you are experiencing mental health issues without knowing you are or being diagnosed. I would ask your doctor about anxiety, stress, depression and possible treatment methods that may be applicable to your situation.

Ultimately, you deserve to be happy and you may be a bit to hard on yourself. Please go and see your GP if you feel comfortable enough or your counsellor at university and discuss the above with them. They are there to support you!

Hope this helped.

All the best with your upcoming exams over the next few weeks.

Nick.

[Ell43]

Hey Waveron,
I also want to say welcome!!! Baet123 has written an amazing reply with some excellent advice. I agree, visiting your GP would be a really good idea. I know you said you feel like you dealt with your past depression (good on you), but it can be useful to talk to a professional. Depression does not always have to include symptoms of low mood.

I also think sleep is SUPER important, and probably something you can try and focus on with relatively little assistance from others. Did you know that sleep deprivation impacts cognitive abilities and concentration MASSIVELY! Even a few hours of sleep deprivation can have the same impact on our mental abilities as being .05 does! It can be just as dangerous to drive sleep deprived as it can be to drive alcohol effected. So no wonder you’re finding it hard to concentrate on uni work unless you’re under the pump with a big deadline, makes a lot of sense!!

I would recommend (sorry it’s lame and clique, but it actually works) taking all electronic devices out of your bedroom, except an alarm clock. Set a bed time for the next two weeks and try and stick to it. At first you might find you lie there for an hour or 2 unable to fall asleep.. Try and tell yourself though.. THAT’S OK! Even if you’re not sleeping, you’re letting your mind rest and relax. It’s still useful! You could also try some breathing techniques or things like counting sheep or body scans if you struggle to stop your mind racing. The other thing that’s important then is to avoid napping through the day. It can be REALLY hard to stop this habit early on, but you’ll find it easier to get to sleep at night if you’re actually tired at night time.

Re leaving uni work till the last minute, I can TOTALLY relate! Literally story of my life for all of undergrad. As I entered post grad I learnt some better strategies. Maybe you could try rewarding yourself for work, rather than beating yourself up about the lack of effort you put in? Tell yourself you only have to work for half an hour and hold yourself to it (turn your phone off remove distractions too). It can even be helpful to set a timer, and when it goes off, even if you’re in the middle of a sentence, get up from your computer and walk away. Reward yourself for that effort, maybe with some time playing a game, or with a snack? Then go again. I find I work better under pressure too, so by having the timer I kind of get a sense of pressure to help push me. Maybe it will work for you too?