Hey Hellowhat!
Your post makes complete sense, and I think romantic_thi3f is right in that its a very relatable issue for many people, you're definitely not alone.
It can be strange, but for some reason when we start to feel anxious, we often try to push these feelings away or stop them... which has the exact opposite result and we end up more anxious because we can't quieten those thoughts down. I like romantic_thi3f's use of the term "awful cycle"!! Worry about worrying is so frustrating and can feel so helpless when you're in the middle of that cycle.
I wonder, have you ever tried having a different reaction to those feelings of anxiety? Rather than trying really hard to resist them (which hasn't worked and makes things worse), have you thought about just being curious about these feelings, and almost "riding them out"?
It seems really weird, and I might be doing a bad job at explaining myself, but something I find helpful is to try to remember emotions and thoughts are not permanent, and they do pass just as quickly as they arrive.
Some people find it useful, particularly at night when their mind starts to fill up with those sorts of anxiety provoking thoughts, to visualise a stream, with you standing on the bank, watching things float by. Maybe there are leaves, or pieces of bark floating down the stream, and these represent those thoughts you are having, you can watch them as they float down in front of you, and continue to watch them as they float away out of sight. They are like your thoughts, they come into your mind and are at the front of it for a few moments, but eventually they pass and another thought floats in. The nice thing about the stream is that its always flowing, and it can be quite calming to just sit there and watch it, helping you unwind and begin to fall asleep.
The concept of being curious about our thoughts and accepting them as just passing figments of our consciousness, rather than fact or reality is a big part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. If it sounds like something you might be interested in, I know ALOT of professionals are now offering services based around ACT principles, perhaps it would be worth looking into accessing some of this help?
It can be really frustrating when anxiety creeps up on you at night! Try not to be too hard on yourself and remind yourself it happens to just about everyone at different points in their life!!
Ell
