No one to turn to & incredibly low self-esteem :(

T5ZY · ‎30-03-2014

Hey, I've never really done this before and I don't even know if I'm classified as having depression (because I've never seen a professional) but for the last few months now I've been having some real lows and I feel like I've not nothing going for me.

I guess what's getting to me mostly is the fact that I have really no one to turn to (hence why I'm on here). All my friends and I have left high school so we've been kind of growing apart lately, some I wasn't that close to to begin with and other are rather self-centered to be honest. I've listened to my "close friends" problems for hours and hours but whenever I try to open up about something that's bothering me (which I struggle with) they just don't seem to care and act like whatever I'm saying is boring/not important. The one really good friend in uni I've gotten close to decided that he didn't care about me and didn't want to talk to me as much or hang out with me after he found out that I didn't want to go out with him. So to cut things short I have literally no real friends I can talk to.

In regards to guys I've never even had a boyfriend, I'm very shy and insecure so I struggle to flirt/show interest in a guy if I find him attractive. When guys date/hint on me they flatter me a lot (calling me "beautiful" and "stunning) but whenever I've gotten to know a guy or gotten close to a guy all he's wanted to do is sleep with me, I don't know if I've just been unfortunate with the kind of people if I've been meeting but it makes me feel as if I'm a boring person. The fact thats all these guys can see in me surely must say something about me?

In regards to my parents my father is always away and to be honest cares very little about my emotions and my mother normally makes me feel far worse. Only a few hours ago she was insulting me on the taxi ride home, calling me "boring" and "weak/pathetic", that I needed to stop being "such a princess" and "stop feeling sorry for myself" (all in front of a stranger who was driving a taxi).

My self-esteem in general is cripplingly low, I feel that I'm very unattractive, that I'm not very intelligent, and that I don't have very much going for me as a person in general (like I'm a boring/un-fun person to be around, that there's nothing captivating or interesting about me, that I'm pretty worthless in general).

I guess what I was hoping for is for advice or just someone to talk to, if you've been through this what did you do(/or are you doing) to get through it? What do you think would be a good thing to do to find someone I can talk to (like a good place to meet new people)? Or if you have any advice in general I'd greatly appreciate it, thank you

the_motorcycle_boy · ‎30-03-2014

Hi T5ZY,

I have been through the same thing as you (or very similar). I too have suffered from cripplingly low self esteem. I didn't know what to do at all. I became severely depressed at age 30 and during my recovery was given a book on Self-Esteem by a friend. This book opened my eyes to all of the unhealthy thinking I had at the time.

I wholeheartedly reecommend this book to you. It is like a manual for increasing and maintaining a healthy self esteem. Please remember you are doing nothing wrong, you just have unhealthy thinking that began in childhood.

Just an idea, maybe you could meet new people at church or via some volunteer work.

I'll give you the details on the book...

The whole title is, Self-Esteem (Third Edition) A proven program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning.

Publisher - New Harbinger Publications
ISBN: 1572241985

You can get the book at Fishpond (fishpond.com.au)

Hope this is of help to you,

Henry

T5ZY · ‎31-03-2014

Hey Henry,

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it's a real comfort just to know that others have been through and managed to work through the same things I am.

The book you pointed out looks really helpful, I'm definitely going to look into buying a copy. Anything that can help my self-esteem is worth a look at, thanks for letting me know about it.

I've always wanted to do some volunteer work and you're most probably right, it'd be a good way to meet people, not only that but the type of people who'd be at that sort of work would be better than the company I'm currently keeping.

I was just curious, I hope I'm not intruding, as to what methods you took to help with your low self-esteem and depression. Did you seek professional help? (Do you think it's necessary for getting better?) Or did you work through recovery by yourself (all self-motivated)?

Thanks again for the advice,

Kind Regards,

T5ZY

geoff · ‎31-03-2014

dear T5ZY, thanks for joining us and welcome.

It seems as though everything in your life has been a struggle, starting with your unsupportive parents which isn't always a pleasant way to grow up with, and has now made you insecure and shy.

When uni or school finishes we always say to each other that we will keep in touch, but this rarely happens as we all seem to go our different ways, so we then have to start forming friends and relationships all again.

Can I ask you what you are presently doing at the moment. Geoff. x

moomoo7 · ‎31-03-2014

Hey girl!

I have been through something very similar, throughout my whole high school life and now outside of that. As hard as it may seem, you just need to keep reminding yourself that you are worth alot more than you think and you are beautiful, no matter what.

My reply probably seems really pointless, but you should just know that no matter what other people think, there is something beautiful within everyone, even if you personally cannot see that. And sometimes, turning to these online forums is the best way to let out your emotions and gain advice from complete strangers. Its sometimes better than getting advice from someone you know. So please don't ever think that you have no one to turn to, as you have myself and everyone else on here to turn to, who have probably experienced what you are experiencing right now.

xxx

the_motorcycle_boy · ‎31-03-2014

Hi T5ZY,

You're most welcome. I just hope that if you get the book it benefits you as much as it did me.

I like the idea of volunteer work too. Doing things for others is very rewarding and good for one's self esteem. And as you say, you are meeting people with similar needs and interests to yourself.

No, you're not intruding at all. First, I had medication for my depression then I saw a psychiatrist for 6 months, once a week. This proved very helpful to me. I was allowed to talk about whatever I wanted to, it was very liberating. Not long after that I received the self-esteem book which focused on my real problem, low self esteem.

It's really hard to say which method is better, I think it depends on the individual and their situation. Counseling by a professional can be very worthwhile while using a book on self-esteem would also be fruitful. It may be best to start off with a self help book and see what progress you are making. It might even be a good idea to see your GP and see what his/her opinion is or ring some of the help lines for advice.

I, personally like the idea of using the self-esteem book. It empowers you. You can read it at your own pace and once you start recognizing the benefits you'll be encouraged to read further. If however you are feeling really bad and need people help then I'd think about seeing a GP who may then refer you to a mental health professional.

Hope this is of help to you.

Henry

Nic92 · ‎01-04-2014

Hey T5ZY.

I know exactly what you are going through. I too have no one to talk too. So if you ever want to talk, then I am here to listen.

geoff · ‎02-04-2014

dear Nic, would you also like to talk to us, as there are many people who connect with someone else, but this contact may or may not happen, due to unforeseen circumstances.

There are many wonderful people on this forum who will also be able to have gone through similar types of depression and can understand what you also are going through. Geoff.

Nic92 · ‎03-04-2014

Evening Geoff. I'd more than willing to talk too anyone.

geoff · ‎04-04-2014

dear Nic, you say that you feel the same as T5ZY which isn't good, so would you like to tell what's actually happing with yourself.

There are so many wonderful people on this site who have all suffered from different types of depression, and a lot still do, but they want to help others with their knowledge and experiences of what they have been going through.

So it would be great to hear from you. Geoff.