Newbie

[Dreamer13]

Hi Everyone!

I'm brand new here so thought I'd make my first post. I was diagnosed with depression in December and have had a bit of a bumpy ride since. In the space of a few short weeks my girlfriend of a year left me, I lost my job and had to move out of a rental I was living in with some friends. After all that happened I felt like everything had just come crashing down. I was also a bit confused about this illness too as the diagnosis was still fresh and I had to get used to taking medication daily. I'm 24 and hadn't known of anyone my age who was dealing with this, so I also felt a like it was a weakness. I'm still learning and feeling my way through handling situations and trying my best to stay positive. I guess the main problem I have is I overthink things a lot and have a bad habit of putting myself under pressure. I sometimes feel that I can't trust myself to make correct choices and that the few changes I've made to try to get myself on track will come crashing down on me again. I've been wondering what strategies people with more experience with the illness would use to combat the constant low feelings. I tend to write when I'm feeling depressed as that's how I've always expressed myself, but usually turns out quite dark and hard to look back on. Are there any universal strategies people use to get themselves back up again? Or is it something one learns for themselves?

[geoff]

dear Dreamer, thanks for contacting this site where there are many wonderful people who are still struggling with some sort of depression, but want to help other people who post in.

Can I say firstly that people of all age groups are taking antidepressants and this includes adolescent kids as well.

There is an awful misconception that by having depression means that it's a weakness, and by no way is this true, it's an illness, a disease, that unfortunately we are suffering from, and if anyone ever says to you to' snap out of it, or get on with your life', they have NO idea on what the hell they are talking about, so these people will leave you, because they don't know what to do to help you, nor do they understand the trauma that this illness does to us.

Many of us have been trying to cope with depression for a long time, but this doesn't mean yours will be go on for years, because the help that is now available has moved forward in leaps and bounds.

By 'putting myself under pressure' is the beginning to this illness, because sometimes we go into denial where we believe that we will be better in a couple of days, as it maybe other factors to have upset you, and 'I'll get over it' when I find another girlfriend, but this may not happen, so then everything else just adds to my depression, and it then goes on and on, until finally we need professional help.

You can't overcome this by yourself, sure you may try, but there are deep problems that you miss, and want to miss, because a can of worms will open up if I go that far in trying to solve my own depression, so in other words a band-aid will NEVER solve your depression.

What I would suggest is to contact your GP first and then he/she will then get the ball rolling for you, and this may require medication and then setting up a medicare plan where you can get 10 free visits to see a psychologist, who are more friendly than a psychiatrist as far as I am concerned, but then other people do have other opinions, and that's OK but either way it's time to get the help that you need.

I hope that you can reply back to us. Geoff.

[EmmaP]

Hi Dreamer13,

I'm sorry to hear you have been going through a rough patch of late, but well done for reaching out on here, there are some fantastic people that respond such as Geoff and Neil. They always have some great advice, support and kind words. Just know that you are not alone, and as Geoff said, it is an illness that can strike anyone at anytime.

I like to write when I am feeling low or anxious as well. I think its a great therapy, as by the sounds of it you do too. You mentioned that it is quite 'dark' what you write and that its 'hard to look back on'. I totally understand. Its very hard to look back on what we have felt and what a dark place you are in, and this can almost send us 'backwards' when you read over it. A suggestion that may work for you is to not read over them, just to write, write, write, and let it all out and then almost mentally 'banish' those feelings and thoughts onto that page, expelling them from your mind. If it helps, ripping up the page and throwing it in the bin once you are finished writing or burning the pages (safely of course) may help you to do this mental process of banishing the feelings and letting it go? Its just a thought it may work for you or it may not, but it may be worth a try.

Let us know if you try this technique and if it works for you and how you are getting along. Take care.

EmmaP

[Dreamer13]

Dear Geoff, 

firstly, let me thank you for your kind words and well thought out advice. As EmmaP has already noted, I've noticed on other threads you're always there to lend a hand, so obviously you're a very kind hearted man and I truly appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. It's very heartening. In regards to medication, I've been on antidepressants for the past 6 months but I definitely find it hard to deal with things on my own so I will certainly take your advice and seek a plan from gym GP and go see a psychologist. I've found it difficult to talk to my close friends about my illness. I always feel like I'm being a downer or I don't want to burden them with my problems so a psychologist would be a great option.

thanks again, Michael 

[Dreamer13]

Hi EmmaP,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It's very heartening to know that there's people who deal with things like I do, and I'll certainly take your advice next time I write. It's really hard to explain the things I write. There isn't a set format or structure, it's more just words than come to mind go straight on the page. It's certainly hard to look back on my writing and seeing a moment of depression put down in words, I think destroying them is the best option. Do you ever keep your writing? Have you found any positives from reading back?

thanks again, Michael 

[EmmaP]

Hi Michael,

No problems, I know how lovely everyone has been to me on here, so I am more than happy to 'pay it forward'. It is definitely good to know that there are so many other people out there feeling the same, especially when you are feeling so alone or isolated. For me personally, it makes me feel less 'crazy' and more accepting that I have an actual medical problem, which has been a hard concept to grasp.

I had a counsellor tell me, just write. It doesn't matter what you write, or if it makes sense, just let it flow out, mindlessly almost. So that's what I do. It sounds like you do the same. I have a notebook that I write in 'diary style'. I only write when I feel the need. I don't force myself to write everyday. So sometimes I'm writing multiple times a day, sometimes if I'm feeling okay I may only write once a week. I personally don't destroy my entries, but I don't read over them. I find I slip back into a negative headspace if I read them back, taking the feelings and emotions back on that I tried to release in the first place. I do want to keep my words for later in life because its a documentation of what was happening at this time of my life. However if I felt like I needed to, or If I needed a complete release from something I would definitely destroy them to have that feeling of completely letting it go.

Hopefully this will help you get some of your emotions and feelings out and help you on the road to feeling better. Please keep checking in so we know how you are going 🙂

EmmaP