It's my first time posting in a forum...

[ExhaustedandTired]

Hi guys, I am new to this and not too sure where to begin...

Ever since I was in my mid high school years I have always been that person seeing the school counselor and clinical psychologist outside of school. I was constantly seeing my GP, doing the K10 test and getting a referral. I haven't found any of the cognitive approaches given by psychologists to be helpful and I feel that I am going in circles trying things that don't seem to work. I am in my second year of uni and I do not have motivation to do anything, studying is a massive effort as is getting up in the mornings (It doesn't help feeling constantly tired and drained). I feel that the psychologists I've seen have somewhat indirectly (and most likely without meaning to) trivialised my feelings. I'm not sure if I should be on antidepressants. I have been feeling like this for over 5 years. I feel sad and unsatisfied with my life, I lack any real friendships and as a result I feel constantly alone. I struggle to commit to any goals and lack confidence and self-esteem. I am quite mature for my age, and sometimes I feel like I am my own psychologist, I know only I can fix this but I don't have the tools or the energy. Someone help?

[geoff]

dear Exhausted, thanks for posting on this site.

Firstly what I would do is to defer your uni course, because at the moment it doesn't mean anything to you at the moment, and then take it back up later on if you so wish, and the reason I say this is because you have depression.

You should go and see your GP and get them to start you on antidepressants, which would be to start on a low dosage, just to squash any side-effects.

I often say on this site that yes we all try and analyse our condition and then try to overcome it by ourselves, but it can never work, simply for the reason that we maybe be wrong, although we never think this, but it's true.

Another reason is that we overlook the deep problems we have , and perhaps we don't even know of them, but if we do then we put a band-aid, because they raise serious concerns.

OK when we come out from seeing our psych there is much that we have spoken about and we do think about these issues, are they right or are they wrong, or how can we fix them, so we might try to or we sit on the idea.

You have depression and it's an awful illness to cope with by ourselves, and I would suggest that you click under 'get support' on the top of this page and find a BB doctor near where you live and to contact them, and organise an appointment.

You could also ring 'web chat' and talk to the specialist who can also guide you as another option.

Hope that you can get back to us. Geoff.

[ExhaustedandTired]

Hi there Geoff, 

Thank you for your reply, it is comforting to know there are people like you willing to give support and advice to others.

I will take on board what you have said and try to see a GP soon. You're right, I can't just handle it on my own, but I feel like if I go through this whole process again I’ll only become weaker and more worthless, I guess I’m afraid of what it’ll mean if  I do accept I have this illness. For example, deferring uni – I have contemplated it several times, my marks aren’t great and I know I have so much potential yet I am not reaching it. But what then? I defer and do what? Sometimes I think that although I’m not doing as well as I should be at least it is a sort of distraction. I just wish I was a different person, like many other 20 year olds who have a driver’s license, who have friends, they go out, they travel, enjoy their uni course and are happy, those who have their hobbies and are self-assured. I think my depression might stem from my parents’ divorce… I’ll never forget what one psychologist told me; “The roles in your family have been reversed. You are the parent and your parents are the children”… I have spent my life focusing on others and being defined by my role in my family that I haven’t yet had my chance to discover who I am…. Now that my parents are divorced and I no longer bare that burden it should be my chance to be free and all I feel is trapped.  

Exhausted

[BrokenAngel85]

Hey there, I hope you are feeling better now? :-)
Geoff is exactly right :-)
I was/ thought exactly the same as you 2 years ago.
Highly intelligent but not reaching half my potential.
Feeling tired and exhausted all the time.
I've struggled all my life with it but didn't want anyone to know and or admit to anything.
I didn't want to have anything wronge with me.
I didn't want people to think of me differently/ put me in a stereotype.
I was always known as the happy, bubbly, fun, popular girl.
But behind closed doors i would always be upset/ cry and not be able to handle anything at all.
I accepted the fact that there was something wronge with me.
I defered my uni and just started concentrating on myself and getting better.
Best thing I ever did! :-)
Hope this helps you 🙂

[MrsCam]

 not a lot to add in the way of advice as you seem to have your action plan figured out but I just wanted to say "goodluck". I hope you start to feel better soon...