For a long time I denied that I had anything to be depressed about.

byan · ‎02-06-2014

This year I've noticed a change in how I feel about many aspects in my life which is generally helpless. I've been in a relationship for around 18 months now. He ticks a few of boxes & makes me laugh, but I know deep down that he can't make me entirely happy, because I feel like I can't talk to him & he brushes off my issues. I'll try mentioning them to him but his responses (or lack of) will just make me angry. My parents constantly make it known to me that he isn't right, but they make me angry because their reasoning will be for completely superficial issues like how he dresses, the fact that he doesn't spoil me with material things like 'how it should be'. If we shouldn't be together, their reasons differ to mine.

What doesn't help is seeing my brother's success. For a while now I've felt my parents are much prouder of him than me, with his career, how he is always busy studying. Though I'm also a uni student and fill up the rest of my time between two jobs, I always feel like it's never enough, and they'll always see him as more than me. I feel it's also because they love his girlfriend more than my partner, and constantly make known to me that they do, and this is how it should be, so I'm ashamed to say that I'm jealous for those reasons.

I know that their idea of who is good for me completely differs to mine and they make me feel selfish for wanting what I want. I've been told by my mother that because of my current partner, I don't care about my family anymore, I'm selfish, I'm ungrateful for what they've done for me, I'm a hypocrite, I don't have any morals, and that I'm not nice 'like I used to be'. It hurts more because I used to have a close relationship with my mother, but she's told me that that has long gone because of my current boyfriend, that it's my fault. I tell her that it's because she's been pushing me away, but I'm always made to believe that she's always right because she's the parent, even though I am 21 with opinions and I thought I knew what's best for me.

I always thought that my issues weren't big enough to seek help for and I'd brush them off, being 'silly things', that I should just get over. But I've gotten to a point where I just feel empty and am in need of advice. I at least feel a little better just writing this and confronting it. I cry a lot in private and know I should stop feeling sorry for myself, feeling more pathetic and more worthless.

Thank you for reading this far, any advice would be appreciated.

georgiaF · ‎02-06-2014

Don't feel as though your issues are silly, when i was 16 i brushed off my issues i told my self similar things you did I'm selfish and no good etc this went on for a year at the time i had a boyfriend with a personality disorder and he ruined my relationships with my family with my friends by the end i was empty nothing left, i was ready to just die and this makes me so sad looking back to it now i ended up physcotic depressed, and now I'm getting help and I'm getting so much better though i do have ptsd now but I'm working on getting better.

It seems like you are depressed i don't want to self diagnose as I'm no professional, but in all honesty you should seak help sooner than latter because i was in pretty deep and it has taken along time to recover, seeing a physiologist is extremely good i don't know were i would be without mine she is honestly amazing, its hard to open up at first but trust me you will be on the way to recovery, don't think that your negative feelings are silly and selfish, if your feeling empty you need to speak to someone because holding it in bottles it up and just gets deeper and deeper

i hope this helped 😕

also regular exercise and creating goals like reading a new book can help to make you feel abit better x

byan · ‎02-06-2014

thank you for your kind words, it really helps to listen to other peoples' stories. I hope you're on the right road as well. It's true about it getting deeper and deeper and how it's better to talk about it

Neil_1 · ‎03-06-2014

Hi there Byan

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done to you for coming on, not only providing your first post but also responding back to Georgia as well (who chipped in with a very nice reply back to you.)

Things are a happening there for you aren't they? But not only with your parents I'm feeling but perhaps even your boyfriend. I honestly don't think it's overly good if he brushes your comments and thoughts off, as I'm guessing that you don't either as you said it does make you angry. I can understand that being the case as well - because you just want someone to listen - and who better to listen than your 'nearest and dearest'.

Now, if you're sensing on an overall basis that you do have some issues that you think are causing you problems, then yes, perhaps you should try and set up an appointment with a GP. Now if you don't know of any or don't have one; on this site, Beyond Blue have a listing of GP's, which you can do a search for and hopefully you may find one or more in your local area. The thing with these GP's Byan is that they're all fully qualified in dealing with mental health issues. So from an appointment with one of them they'll be best able to assist you from there as well.

Just in regard to your parents - it's a strange and unfortunate attitude that they have created towards you and your partner. But this is something called "Tough Love" on your part now. It's tough for them that they feel this way, but you Love your partner and so, they can either like it or lump it.

This is your life, not theirs. My feel on this is you should do what you feel is right. I also think it quite low on their part if they're playing one sibling off against the other - due to the choice of partner. But 'nuff said on that.

Byan, I hope I've provided you with something in my post and I do look forward to hearing back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

byan · ‎04-06-2014

Thank you Neil, that was great advice and it gave me a lot to consider.

It's definitely a difficult relationship I have with my family because whilst I respect their opinions, I don't get the same in return, just anger because I don't agree. I have my good days where I can forget it all but these will be followed by moments where I'll be at my absolute lowest and scared of what will happen.

I think I'll take up your advice and look for a GP on the site as I don't really know right from wrong at the moment, or how to cope.

I really appreciate it so thank you again

MrsCam · ‎05-06-2014

perhaps having a professional to talk things through with, someone outside of you family circle who will not be emotionally invested in what you are saying, would be a good step for you... whether or not your current partner is right for you is a decision only you can make and you should be free to do that without the influence of what others think... goodluck