New to BeyondBlue and could use some advice/support

[DisneyFan101]

Hey everyone, 

I'm only fairly young and I worried i may be ridiculed for being so young and having "problems" that i need help with such as boyfriend problems and issues with my father which ill address on another day. I'm 18 in a few months and any support i could get would be great.

I'm usually a fairly happy teenager when kept occupied, but when i'm alone or have a lot of stress on me, i begin to drift into a very dark state of mind, i have had severe anxiety and depression most of my life and i don't know how to deal with the emotions that come with being alone and having thoughts like i do, some of these thoughts consist of just ending everything, thinking that I'm worthless and everybody around me doesn't like me at all, they just pretend and i feel like when something goes wrong in many peoples lives and i cant help, it makes me feel like its my fault. I want everybody around me to be happy but at the same time I'm desperate for happiness for myself. My boyfriend of 2 years and i disagree quite often over silly little things, he went to Schoolies this time a year ago and kissed two other women and he says that's all that happened. A lot of me believes him and the left over parts are just skeptical. I found out about this via my best friend and in the beginning he denied it but eventually admitted it was the truth. i was distraught but over many many weeks i started to feel a little better, the pain is still there but not as much, i love him to bits but I'm tired of being so insecure because its causing issues between us, I'm doing year 12 at the moment and the stress is taking its toll on me, i don't mind having the occasional argument (in my opinion sometimes its healthy to vent) but not this much. Like i began to explain earlier the actual arguments a lot of the time are due to my constant stress and worry about him when he goes out the the pub with the boys. I want him to be able to have fun and go out without working myself up so much, I could really use any advice i can get on how to let go of the past or control my anxiety attacks and depression states. I'm on antidepressants and they have helped a fair bit over the past however many years but these little episodes i have just keep going. Please give some advice.

I love him more than anything and i want to be with him but its not going to work whilst i hang on to the past like i do.

- Thankyou

[geoff]

dear Shanae, well Paul has given you an excellent reply and I've read it a few times.

When you feel like 'screaming' just hop up and try and distract yourself from what you are doing, like jumping on the spot, a couple of push-ups or make yourself a cup of coffee.

Being in a relationship, especially when your only young, can then be a bit difficult to try and bring on board what your partner is thinking about or what is annoying them, but it's stepping stone, because it will happen for the rest of your/their life and there's no escaping it, which really is good, because as time progress's there will kids that need counselling about is concerning them.

I'm interested with your dad, and wonder if he is or has suffered from depression, because I always kiss my sons and say to them 'that I love them', it's natural for me, but then I understand that it's not for other people, and I'm only saying this because he only 'half hugs you'.

In regard to your b/friend once again, it's someone's worse thought, that our partner lies to us, unfortunately it happens, but to lose the trust we have in them is disastrous. Geoff. x

[DisneyFan101]

Hey Geoff,

I dont know for sure about my dad suffering from depression but everything seems to point to that as the reason he is like he is. I scares me to think my dad goes through that and so does my mother, my dad lives by himself and my mum has a new partner so she has a kind of support network.  To go through depression and anxiety myself i really worry about my dads wellbeing, he likes to pretend he is strong in that respect but hes awake nearly all night and always mopey, wont talk about anything with anyone.

Theres a hell of a lot of other things i could go into about my father.. but ill leave it there.

 In regards to my relationship, i dont want to leave because he is a massive part of my life, hes a beautiful guy but he just makes some mistakes, like everybody does.. i just struggle to handle these things.

 I hate the thought of him going out with his friends and getting absolutely ruined with alcohol, because his inhibitions are gone and he isn't himself, i get upset inside but i don't want to be like that, i get so angry at myself because i cant just flip the switch and turn the feelings off (if only it was that easy). 

I'm such a weird teenager, I don't cut loose sort of thing and go and get wrecked, is there something wrong with me??

I want to be able to be a 'normal' teenager and go and be silly and not be such a worry wart, im tired of being so uptight etc.

How do i fix that?? i have no idea... 😞

 - Shanae 

[geoff]

dear Shanae, please let me assure you that your NOT weird, and can I say in a polite way that your not sarcastic on how you feel, because what you are worried about or how you feel is what happens as we all mature, however even when my ex wife was going out to her work parties I always hated it, because she was 'the draw card' 'cause she was what most men wanted, only because she was good looking and had the personality, but for most of our 25 year marriage I always trusted her, but as the marriage started to crumble I was never sure.

Can I ask you a question and please only answer if you want to, how would he feel if you went out with your friends every week, would he then go out with his mates or would he stay at home and worry, sorry it's a bit personal. Geoff. x

[Paul]

Heya Shanae,

geoff beat me to part of the speech I was going to administer!

Please define "Normal".

Now, lots and lots of people don't like going out in large groups and getting drunk/wrecked and cutting loose for a very important reason. It's boring and unfulfilling! I'm one of the lots and lots. I prefer the company of a few people, a few drinks perhaps and somewhere quiet we can chat about meaningful things that keep my interest - and hopefully their interest. It's difficult to have a conversation about anything in depth when in a large group of people.

It also depends on my mood. A lot of the time I really really look forward to going home and being in my own company, singing to my cat and watching whatever I feel like watching on telly, or sewing or whatever.

If I was a "normal" gay guy I would "have to" be out at a night club watching a drag show, getting drunk, dancing to Kylie and stumbling home at 6am. No thanks. I'm happily not normal!

I think what you are questioning is a natural sign of maturity, not abnormality.

Paul

[DisneyFan101]

Hey geoff, 

He would most likely go and see his friends if i was out but would be annoyed if i was out all the time 

[geoff]

dear DisneyFan, then you have a good point to argue with him. Geoff. x