My story.

[agalhel]

I've always wanted to have a place to share how I feel and I've turned to this website to do so, just to see if it actually hopes with my progress...

I'm a 21 year old, I know to many that seems young but I just don;t feel it. I feel as if I am going nowhere, have no idea what I'm doing with my life, if I could sum up my life it would just be 'nothing'

Around 2 years ago I signed up to get a degree in what I thought (and still possibly may be) my dream job...becoming a fashion designer. After studying for a year and going into my second year of fashion design I noticed myself just becoming more anxious and stressed over everything. I felt like I didn't even want to do the course, so one day I just stopped going. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed and actually pursue something that could possibly help make my dreams come true but hey none of that mattered. I dropped out and decided to try and work full time hours, keep my mind busy and stop myself feeling so sorry for myself, so I did. I went to work and my only goal was to 'get money' it seemed like a good enough goal so I just kept on working thinking it'd make me happy and keep my mind too preoccupied to be depressed, but it didn't. I searched for a new job, thinking that the current job I had was the problem...boy was I wrong. Months down the track here I am, I have a different job but I still feel as empty as I did when I decided to leave studying. 
I try to do stuff in the little spare time it seems I have, things that used to interest me but I can't help to do because I constantly feel tired and just cannot be bothered doing anything I actually have to do it.

I have yet to see a professional about my problem cause I just keep telling myself it'll one day go away but I really doubt it will. I have a loving boyfriend but even he isn't enough to pick me up from my downward spiral. 

This is pretty much my situation, and this is my first time ever opening up about it, I'm sure I missed something things but that's the gist of my journey so far...

[geoff]

dear Agalhel, I'd like to welcome you and thank you for posting your comment, it's a pretty decision whether you should or whether you maybe too scared, but now you have and that's great.

Can I first say that there are many people who would love to reply back to you, however I'm not a qualified psych, but by suffering from depression for such a long time, it's possible for me and anyone else to be able to comment on how you feel.

Saying that it appears as though you maybe suffering from the onsets of depression, but your doctor is the one to diagnose you officially.

Perhaps this is why your loss of interest in completing the uni course and working has been affected, because depression will take any joy or incentive away, so I am curious if you have completed the K10 test, which will give you a number indicating whether or not you have depression.

It's really impossible for someone to overcome depression by themselves, although they maybe able to do this but only with any superficial problems, but it's those deep concerns which you may know of, but normally they are hidden away that you need help with.

Your b/friend may not realise what you are going through, and this could be because we try and put on a fake exterior, seemingly indicating that everything is OK, but as soon as we get home we just collapse, and then all our negative thoughts start once again.

Hope that you can get back to us. Geoff. x

[Narniakid]

Hey agalhel, welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us. 

I am

[Narniakid]

Oops, my phone stuffed up there and posted it halfway through a sentence, I apologise.

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling lost. I can definately relate to the feelings you're describing; I am in the middle of working towards a career in radio, and sometimes I just kinda want to throw in the towel, because I feel like I should be enjoying it more. 

Take good note of what Geoff has said, and I also advise you to seek a professional opinion from a doctor or psychologist.

The best advice I can give you is to get out there and try something new. It sounds simple and cliche, but the affect it can have on your mood and your outlook is astounding. Use that money you've been saving to go on a holiday or a road trip. Sign up to a club or a sport. Do some volunteer work. Get arty and do some painting or DIYing or drawing. Learn a new skill. The world is full of things to do and try and experience, and while there is nothing wrong with a change of heart halfway through something (it happens to the best of us), a new challenge or experience is a really good way to figure out what you like and dislike and help to set some sort of direction for yourself.

Crystal